Saturday, November 29, 2003
Thanks for your thoughts about Amy and her mother. I think that Amy has elected "survival" for the short term, and has to live under the fascist rule of her mother for one more year. Maybe Amy will see things in their true light when she is free of her mother.
When I was married to her mother, I noticed how quickly jshe went from apparent rationality to crazed, violent irrationality in milliseconds. An explosive, unstable and violent person should NEVER be a teacher of children in the first grade (or of anyone else!) On her trip to irrationality, there seemed to be many stops and stations, and she would usually get off before she arrived at full irrationality. Sometimes she went all of the way to the land of Irrationality. As a citizen, she was familiar with the customs, language, and terrain. She didn't need a passport. That was her true home.
She seems far too unstable to be entrusted with the well-being of anyone, and I think that people with her emotional instability pose a threat to the children in her charge in the same way that an unexploded land mine poses a threat to children playing in a field that was once a battleground. One day, one of those kids will step on one of her many triggers, and she'll explode.........again.
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
PLUS
= DEBT and MISERY
Hi Amy,
Tomorrow is Thaksgiving, and the start of a media-driven frenzy to spend money on "things" to give as gifts, use as decorations, or merely to entertain yourself with. It's unacceptable to me that Christmas has become a shopping binge of credit card carrying lemmings! It's unacceptable to me that Thanksgiving has become the starter's gun for the marathon to the merchants.
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
John Belushi, Animal House
I've always liked this movie...........a nice blend of craziness, wild times, and wit.
"....You nauseating pile of blubber!!"
Monday, November 24, 2003
Dear Amy,
Sometimes when you decide not to make a choice, it has the same effect as if you made a choice. (Not making a decision is the same as making a decision). It feels like you've done that. It feels like you've made a decision to put me in the background, and keep me there. It makes me very sad and feels very bad to acknowledge that, but in the light of the evidence, it's hard for me to deny it anymore, and very unhealthy for me to try to live in that world alone.
Except for your last card about your teeth, your letters have seemed deliberately sterile and unaffectionate
For a few years, I've carried with me, and lived for, the memory of a special daughter and a special relationship. For whatever reasons, you have decided to bail out of that memory and I'm left standing in it with the remnants of it on the floor around my feet. My friends in Illinois, Cali, and elsewhere have been gently telling me that my memories are just memories and that the relationship is not real anymore, and I have been telling them that they're wrong. The evidence supports their statements, so I'm at another juncture at which I must examine the facts, the same way you have.
Sometimes when you decide not to make a choice, it has the same effect as if you made a choice. (Not making a decision is the same as making a decision). It feels like you've done that. It feels like you've made a decision to put me in the background, and keep me there. It makes me very sad and feels very bad to acknowledge that, but in the light of the evidence, it's hard for me to deny it anymore, and very unhealthy for me to try to live in that world alone.
Except for your last card about your teeth, your letters have seemed deliberately sterile and unaffectionate
For a few years, I've carried with me, and lived for, the memory of a special daughter and a special relationship. For whatever reasons, you have decided to bail out of that memory and I'm left standing in it with the remnants of it on the floor around my feet. My friends in Illinois, Cali, and elsewhere have been gently telling me that my memories are just memories and that the relationship is not real anymore, and I have been telling them that they're wrong. The evidence supports their statements, so I'm at another juncture at which I must examine the facts, the same way you have.
Thursday, November 20, 2003
Laura is the sunshine in my life!!! She brightens a room with her smile and her love. I want you to know how much I appreciate the sweetness of the love of Laura. She is my warmth, my love, my very best friend, and my partner in most things except for love of dogs. (But I DO take care of her little dog!). She's the best person I've ever known. I love her.
I hope that you've found this place, and that you check it often........and that you will send me an email or leave me a comment.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
More illusions below.........and more to come!!!!
Dear Amy Elizabeth,
I hope that you can find this blogsite, and that when you do, you can find a place where you can respond without fear (Any computer in any library will allow you to look at this site and respond to it without fear of ever getting into trouble.
I'll keep writing here as long as I am able to write.
Love,
Daddy
Sunday, November 16, 2003
Hi Amy!
I was very happy to get your card. It sounded like you wrote it....not your mother. I'm interested in what you'll need for your driver's license. I need you to take the initiative and communicate with me. I'm doing all that I can, and will do all that I can to help you.
I love you.
Bub
I was very happy to get your card. It sounded like you wrote it....not your mother. I'm interested in what you'll need for your driver's license. I need you to take the initiative and communicate with me. I'm doing all that I can, and will do all that I can to help you.
I love you.
Bub
Friday, November 14, 2003
Hi Amy!
It's amazing that it takes one person to write a letter, a mother to censor it and address it, and a new husband to scratch out the return address and write a Vernon Hills Post Office box number on it!!! He's living in my house....doesn't he suspect that I know the address??
I don't think letters written by PRISONERS OF WAR to their loved ones get this much censorship from their captors.
She runs a tough prison, and it seems like her husband is enabling her to behave as she does. Her behavior seems very unstable and irrational.......and not just to me......!!!
Thank you, David Chick!! (click on blue hypertext)
It's amazing that it takes one person to write a letter, a mother to censor it and address it, and a new husband to scratch out the return address and write a Vernon Hills Post Office box number on it!!! He's living in my house....doesn't he suspect that I know the address??
I don't think letters written by PRISONERS OF WAR to their loved ones get this much censorship from their captors.
She runs a tough prison, and it seems like her husband is enabling her to behave as she does. Her behavior seems very unstable and irrational.......and not just to me......!!!
Thank you, David Chick!! (click on blue hypertext)
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Hi Amester!!
I didn't get very far with my letter writing at all, but I'm going to do that right now! You will LOVE this!!
NO BULL (click blue hypertext --- wait 10 seconds for it to load)
I didn't get very far with my letter writing at all, but I'm going to do that right now! You will LOVE this!!
NO BULL (click blue hypertext --- wait 10 seconds for it to load)
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
I'm a formerly-angry ex-husband with a non-hyphenated missing daughter, from whom, or about whom, I'd appreciate knowing anything.
Honestly, this blogging is therapeutic. For more relief, I'm going to prescribe:Parrot Therapy
(Please exceed recommended amount)
Click on "Listen Now". If you don't have a media player, you can download one for free.
Honestly, this blogging is therapeutic. For more relief, I'm going to prescribe:Parrot Therapy
(Please exceed recommended amount)
Click on "Listen Now". If you don't have a media player, you can download one for free.
Music for Nuclear Detonation
click on the line below
dr_strangelove_we'll meet again.wav(click blue hypertext)
click on the line below
dr_strangelove_we'll meet again.wav(click blue hypertext)
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Dr. Strangelove
coca cola company.wav
(click blue hypertext)
.
. Tom Servo: Phillips Petroleum Spokesrobot (click blue hypertext)
Hi Amy!
It's finally "cold"! (Cold, in the Southern California sense of the word.) The temperature is not nearly as low as it is in the Midwest, but the humidity from the ocean pervades everything, making it feel colder than Mundelein ever did.
Thanksgiving is coming, and I have a lot of mixed feelings about that. I remember the fun we used to have at Thanksgiving, and I remember a couple years when I was by myself when there was no sumptuous dinner to be had.............just a ham sandwich. One year, I went to a truck stop on Rte 41 near Rte 137 and ate thanksgiving dinner alone, in the company of several truck drivers who were miles from home, eating truck stop turkey alone also. The irony was that I was just a few miles from my house, but farther from home than all of them.
Scan down the page and see the house. You can actually see that our lawn is greener than the neighbor's!! (Secret: I used to put at least 40lbs of prime bluegrass seed on the lawn every year, and "accidentally" spread it onto our neighbors lawns too, so that it would choke out weeds and cheap rye grass)
I'm still trying to find a way to find you. I will keep writing here until I do. I'll probably keep writing here after I do, because so many nice people have contacted me here.
I love you.
. Tom Servo: Phillips Petroleum Spokesrobot (click blue hypertext)
Hi Amy!
It's finally "cold"! (Cold, in the Southern California sense of the word.) The temperature is not nearly as low as it is in the Midwest, but the humidity from the ocean pervades everything, making it feel colder than Mundelein ever did.
Thanksgiving is coming, and I have a lot of mixed feelings about that. I remember the fun we used to have at Thanksgiving, and I remember a couple years when I was by myself when there was no sumptuous dinner to be had.............just a ham sandwich. One year, I went to a truck stop on Rte 41 near Rte 137 and ate thanksgiving dinner alone, in the company of several truck drivers who were miles from home, eating truck stop turkey alone also. The irony was that I was just a few miles from my house, but farther from home than all of them.
Scan down the page and see the house. You can actually see that our lawn is greener than the neighbor's!! (Secret: I used to put at least 40lbs of prime bluegrass seed on the lawn every year, and "accidentally" spread it onto our neighbors lawns too, so that it would choke out weeds and cheap rye grass)
I'm still trying to find a way to find you. I will keep writing here until I do. I'll probably keep writing here after I do, because so many nice people have contacted me here.
I love you.
Monday, November 10, 2003
(Beware: the vampire is in the house with the pool!)
Pretty cool "EYE IN THE SKY" huh?. Go to Globexplorer, get the image viewer, type in the address you want to see, and you're looking at it from the sky!! Let me know your thoughts about this
Pretty cool "EYE IN THE SKY" huh?. Go to Globexplorer, get the image viewer, type in the address you want to see, and you're looking at it from the sky!! Let me know your thoughts about this
"I know you've deceived me, now here's a surprise,
I know that you have 'cause there's magic in my eyes.
I can see for miles, and miles, and miles and miles..............
(The Who)
Friday, November 07, 2003
Can YOU see the hidden objects in this picture??
I re-used this picture, because I saw something in my mirror today. I need to change.
tell me if you see "the hidden things or beings"!
Most have only average powers of observation. If you're exceptional, you'll see it.
You might see "them" in the mirror, but most see them on the dresser.
If you think you see them, or if you want a hint, email me or comment me and I'll tell you.em>
I re-used this picture, because I saw something in my mirror today. I need to change.
tell me if you see "the hidden things or beings"!
Most have only average powers of observation. If you're exceptional, you'll see it.
You might see "them" in the mirror, but most see them on the dresser.
If you think you see them, or if you want a hint, email me or comment me and I'll tell you.em>
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Still Getting the runaround from Verizon !!
"Press 3825 968 if you know the name of the person you're calling, or.......just run around forever.....we don't really care because we've already got you signed to an eternal contract." While you're waiting, see if you can figure out what 3825 968 spells on your keypad"
This is what it's like trying to call customer service at most companies,
especially Verizon
David Chick dressed as Spiderman waves to cameras during the fourth day of his sit-in protest on a crane in the shadow of London's Tower Bridge, Tuesday Nov. 4, 2003. Chick is protesting fathers rights, which has stemmed from a battle with his former partner over access to his daughter. The protest has caused commuter chaos as traffic has not been allowed across the bridge since early Friday. (AP Photo/Richard Lewis
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Everything is going to be different here from now on. I'm using this picture, because I looked at myself in a mirror today. I need to change.
tell me if you see "it"
You might see "it" in the mirror, but most see it on the dresser.
If you think you see it, email me or comment me and I'll tell you.em>
tell me if you see "it"
You might see "it" in the mirror, but most see it on the dresser.
If you think you see it, email me or comment me and I'll tell you.em>
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Ex-Wives are stealing children all over the world!!
Spiderman 'on crane for a week'
Mr Chick is dressed as spiderman - his daughter's favourite character
A man dressed as Spiderman is threatening to stay on top of a crane for a whole week in protest about fathers' rights.
David Chick scaled a 120 foot crane near Tower Bridge in London at dawn on Friday.
He claims he has been refused access to his three-year-old daughter despite a court order allowing him to see her.
Mr Chick said he chose to wear a Spiderman costume because he is his daughter's favourite comic book hero.
Police negotiators are talking to Mr Chick to try to get him to come down and Tower Bridge is closed.
It is the latest in a series of protests by the campaign group Fathers 4 Justice.
On 21 October two men dressed as Batman and Robin held a rooftop protest at the Royal Courts of Justice.
After their demonstration, government minister Lord Filkin, who has responsibility for the family law system, agreed to meet Fathers 4 Justice members at a future date.
Email: join@fathers-4-justice.org
NEW! 31st October 2003:
Spiderman Scales Tower Bridge Crane in Fathers Protest - Traffic Chaos Ensues
In the early hours of Friday morning (31st Oct), Spiderman (aka David Chick) joined the crusade against Family Court injustice when he scaled a crane at a construction site close to Tower Bridge, just days after Fathers 4 Justice representatives met with Lord Filkin, the minister responsible for the family law system at the Department of Constitutional Affairs. Police were forced to close Tower Bridge, resulting in rush-hour traffic chaos in central London. Dave Chick had previously staged a lone crane protest back in June, inspired by the major F4J Father's Day protest in London
Hi Amy,
I used this little guy because he's going to keep walking until he gets to you. I also think he's cute.
Sometimes it's very hard for me to write to you because I never know if you'll read what I've written, but because I love you, I keep writing to you. No matter what you've been told, I love you. I always have, and I always will. I hope that the little Glow worm night light I bought you before you were born is still safe somewhere. Your mother would have loved to throw it away because it had such sentimental value. I bought it for you the very first day I knew that your mother was pregnant.
I didn't know if you were going to be a boy or a girl, but I wanted to get my new baby something that would be sweet and happy and fun.
I have to go do some errands, and then I'll come back and remove more of the angry things I've written here about your mother. I still can't believe she married a person with that name!!
I used this little guy because he's going to keep walking until he gets to you. I also think he's cute.
Sometimes it's very hard for me to write to you because I never know if you'll read what I've written, but because I love you, I keep writing to you. No matter what you've been told, I love you. I always have, and I always will. I hope that the little Glow worm night light I bought you before you were born is still safe somewhere. Your mother would have loved to throw it away because it had such sentimental value. I bought it for you the very first day I knew that your mother was pregnant.
I didn't know if you were going to be a boy or a girl, but I wanted to get my new baby something that would be sweet and happy and fun.
I have to go do some errands, and then I'll come back and remove more of the angry things I've written here about your mother. I still can't believe she married a person with that name!!
Monday, November 03, 2003
Hi Amester!
JOHN HOWLAND
We're descended from this guy. He married Elizabeth Tilley, who was on the Mayflower with her mother and father, so that means that we have 4 ancestors who came over on the Mayflower.
Your mother and her sister were really upset about that fact, and her sister stomped around like a grumpy old man whenever I mentioned it. She would start coughing and change the subject. I would mention it because she used to brag that her family was so very English, and soon, she would start acting "English". (Fake accent and all!) She HATED it when I showed her the proof that my family was also very English, and had the titles to go along with it. Her family were coal and tin miners.
She came back from England once with a rather masculine ring with a coat of arms on it. She said it was her family's coat of arms, but there is no record of such arms ever being issued to ANYONE. She just had it made in a gift shop in England so she could try to impress English people she met.
Ok........................enough of that for now. Read about John Howland...he REALLY is one of your ancestors, no matter how much your mother and her sister don't want to admit it.
JOHN HOWLAND
We're descended from this guy. He married Elizabeth Tilley, who was on the Mayflower with her mother and father, so that means that we have 4 ancestors who came over on the Mayflower.
Your mother and her sister were really upset about that fact, and her sister stomped around like a grumpy old man whenever I mentioned it. She would start coughing and change the subject. I would mention it because she used to brag that her family was so very English, and soon, she would start acting "English". (Fake accent and all!) She HATED it when I showed her the proof that my family was also very English, and had the titles to go along with it. Her family were coal and tin miners.
She came back from England once with a rather masculine ring with a coat of arms on it. She said it was her family's coat of arms, but there is no record of such arms ever being issued to ANYONE. She just had it made in a gift shop in England so she could try to impress English people she met.
Ok........................enough of that for now. Read about John Howland...he REALLY is one of your ancestors, no matter how much your mother and her sister don't want to admit it.
Saturday, November 01, 2003
It's November 1, 2003. In another week, I will have been in La Jolla for a year. I'm sorry that I left Illinois, but I had to leave that state and try to get centered, and start living again. I still remember that your mother told you that I was leaving for California only 10 minutes before we saw each other last. She wanted to hurt you by doing that..............and she did. She enjoyed the pain she caused me, and always looked for new ways to inflict more pain....on both of us. I really believe that she enjoyed the different ways she found to cause each of us pain.
I didn't want to talk abour her..........I just hope that you're aware of who it was that loved you and raised you. Do you remember all of the times she organized your sleep-overs? (Your answer is "NO", because she didn't want you to have sleep overs. Do you remember the times she took you to other girls parties and sleepovers? The answer is "NO" because she didn't want to use her time taking you to your friends' events. Do you remember all of your birthday parties that she planned? The answer is "NO" again because she didn't have time for you and your parties. Except for the parties in the apple orchard, I'm the one who baked your birthday cakes (I paid the orchard to bake and decorate one of your cakes). Do you remember all of the time she went hunting Beanie Babies with you? Again, the answer is "NO". SHe hated those toys and didn't want to waste her time doing something that you enjoyed. Remember all of the times she went out with you to help you sell Girl Scout cookies, and then went out in the rain and snow to deliver them? Once again, the answer is "NO" because she did want to do anything with you.
Do you remember all of the times she took you to preschool and picked you up and took you home? The answer is "NO", once again. She had to drive right by your preschool to get to work and then to get home again, but she refused to take you.
I could write a book about the things she did to avoid loving you and caring about you, but I'm trying to get every vestige of her memory out of my mind. What's important to me is that YOU know how much I loved you then and love you now.
I think that she resented you, and hated me because I wanted to spend my time with you and not with her.
This is a photo I found on the Chicago Tribune website
It was taken in Descanso, California, about 25 miles east of La Jolla
I didn't want to talk abour her..........I just hope that you're aware of who it was that loved you and raised you. Do you remember all of the times she organized your sleep-overs? (Your answer is "NO", because she didn't want you to have sleep overs. Do you remember the times she took you to other girls parties and sleepovers? The answer is "NO" because she didn't want to use her time taking you to your friends' events. Do you remember all of your birthday parties that she planned? The answer is "NO" again because she didn't have time for you and your parties. Except for the parties in the apple orchard, I'm the one who baked your birthday cakes (I paid the orchard to bake and decorate one of your cakes). Do you remember all of the time she went hunting Beanie Babies with you? Again, the answer is "NO". SHe hated those toys and didn't want to waste her time doing something that you enjoyed. Remember all of the times she went out with you to help you sell Girl Scout cookies, and then went out in the rain and snow to deliver them? Once again, the answer is "NO" because she did want to do anything with you.
Do you remember all of the times she took you to preschool and picked you up and took you home? The answer is "NO", once again. She had to drive right by your preschool to get to work and then to get home again, but she refused to take you.
I could write a book about the things she did to avoid loving you and caring about you, but I'm trying to get every vestige of her memory out of my mind. What's important to me is that YOU know how much I loved you then and love you now.
I think that she resented you, and hated me because I wanted to spend my time with you and not with her.
This is a photo I found on the Chicago Tribune website
It was taken in Descanso, California, about 25 miles east of La Jolla
Links
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