Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Just a very short note to tell you that Laura and I saw Ray and enjoyed it. Her younger brother used to play trumpet in his band! From what he said, Ray was not a very nice person most of the time, so I guess the movie was accurate. Not much else happening here.....went walking around the village getting tan and "healthy" looking.
Gotta go............we're going to watch "Anchorman" Netflix is great! (Addendum: "Anchorman" was a waste of time. "Anchorman" is what the word "Trite" endeavours to define. A few 12 year old boys with potty mouth and a video camera may have made that movie. but I suspect that it was made by people with less talent.
Hope you're allowed to at least go to the mall during Spring Break!!!! Would love it if Wayne stepped up and got your mother to allow us to have contact.
with all of my love,
Saturday, March 26, 2005
It's been a while since I wrote anything here so I thought I'd post a little "Hello" to let you know that I'm still here and thinking about you. As soon as I reload a program, I'll post some recent pics.......
It seems that emotional rigor mortis has set in and taken effect on your mother. I have held to the hope that Wayne would encourage her to behave like a normal parent involved in a divorce, but maybe he, too, abused his children as she has abused you, or he is too weak, or she is too strong. Or all of the foregoing.
I still wonder how he would feel if his ex-wife had stolen his kids and denied all contact with them............and I wonder how, if he thinks that he's normal, can he condone her treatment of you, and of me.
She can still relent and encourage a more normal relationship with me, or be forever defined by her bizarre, crazed, manic behavior. I don't know how else I can tell her that I don't want to participate in this hateful behavior of hers.
I think that it is too late for her, and that she will be forever linked to cruelty, child abuse, obsessive-compulsive behavior, a need to control people, and general mental sicknesses which may have been created by having had to live in a house of rage and stupor with her alcoholic father and mother when she was young. She is showing you the rage buried beneath her surface every day of her life. You're too close to see it, but everyone else sees it. Resolve that you will NOT be anything like her when you finally break free of her...............she is not a person to emulate.
Yesterday, Laura and I walked three blocks to the heart of the village so she could shop for shoes. I've always walked past those expensive shoe stores and handbag boutiques and have never gone into any of them. I have never seen an $8,000 price tag on a pair of shoes!! Laura didn't choose those, but was successful in her shoe hunt.
We walked along the coast, pausing to look at the waves, the ocean swimmers, the snorkelers, the seals, and the amazing beauty of this place. Her leg is healing well, but too slowly to suit her. We sat on the rocks and just watched the world go by in all its colours and languages and nuances. La Jolla one of the most cosmopolitan places I've ever lived in! Italians, Iranians, Australians, Lebanese, Russians, Bolivians, Chinese,Argentinians, Germans..............everything!
It's Spring Break in lots of places around here, and Pacific Beach, Mission Beach, and Ocean Beach are all filled with mobs of young people who've just broken out of months of high school and collegiate tedium. Even upscale little La Jolla is full of good looking young people, energetically celebrating their youth and freedom. I don't know if you're doing anythomg over your Spring Break....probably have to wear a prisoner ankle bracelet or be chained to a chair in the living room and given the freedom of 3 potty breaks a day. I'm kidding of course, but I hope that wherever you are and whatever you do, she begins to allow you more freedom to explore life. You've earned it in ways that she never could, and never did. If she doesn't give it to you, you will do what she did - you'll take it with more than normal intensity!
(Ask her why she did so much of what she did as soon as she got to little Lincoln College!)
She used to tell me that she behaved that way because her parents were so restrictive. She can't see that she's more repressive than her parents.
Well, enough of her, you already know what she's done, and what she is like. So does she, and like her alcoholic parents, she denies that she has a problem, even though the rest of the world can see that she is a behavioral drunkard in a different way. Wayne enables her behavior. I wonder what he gets from his role as the "enabler" in their relationship? There....I've done it again.........she's still an intrusive presence, even from 2,000+ miles away. She's done a lot of harm to you and you will need time and help to recover from her.
I hope you'll be able to have a good Spring Break.
With all of my love,
Monday, March 14, 2005
The flowers get a few days to bloom once each year to before the heat kills them. The more it rains, the more flowers bloom and the longer they last. This year there has been an exceptional amount of rain.
A lone ocotillo blooming near Glorieta Canyon (Where I skinned my hand) Soon, the greenery will be replaced by brown, and the clouds and rain may not return for many years.
A scary-looking old Manzanita tree at the top of Jasper Trail..........note the clouds and the mist! It's raining in the desert!
Thursday, March 03, 2005
The timing is fortuitous, since Laura can't really do much walking for a while. She takes yoga in Bird Rock, and was ready to move up to the next level when they asked her to test a machine. She obliged, but tore a calf muscle as she stepped up to it. Having torn a calf muscle myself about six months ago, I feel able to assist her, both physically and spiritually. That being said, she's still pretty miserable. It hurts!
The last time we were out in the desert, I spotted a tiny barrel cactus with one tiny flower. It was growing out of the side of a huge boulder, about 20 feet above the ground. Since I had my new trekking pole, I felt that I could get up and down the steep incline of the side of the boulder with no trouble. I got to the top, and reached into my pocket to retrieve my camera. As I did so, my balance shifted slightly so I pushed my trekking pole into the rock for added support, placing almost all of my weight on it.
The pole held for a millisecond, and then began to collapse, telecoping into itself. As I began my fall to earth, I said to myself "There is nothing to do but fall!" I did that with as much aplomb as I could summon. On my way to the bottom I left a streak of blood and gore as I tore most of the skin off of the palm of my right hand and wrist. To my amazement, the flesh under the skin looks a lot like steak! I cleaned it as well as I could in the middle of the desert, and then we drove home.
Later that night, Laura drove me to Urgent Care at Scripps. The hand had become inflamed and infected and most painful. It reminded me of how my soul and spirit felt in the presence of my ex-wife. A doctor and two nurses came in and cut off a lot of skin which was hanging in tattered flaps.
To my delight that they didn't suggest washing it out with alcohol! Instead, they squirted it with a Lidocaine jelly, which numbed much of the pain, but that much concern about pain suggested that they had more painful, more invasive plans.
I was right.
Like dentists, they waited for the anesthetic to do its work, and then came in and for the next 20 minutes, they dug bits of Borrgeo quartz out of my hand. It's almost healed now, and I'm going to go back up the same rock, but I'm going check that my pole is 100% LOCKED before I do that again! Also, I'm going to buy a pair of leather gardening gloves!
I'll put a couple of pics of that trip here as soon as I can.
with all of my love,