Monday, February 28, 2005
I had a dream last night in which we finally met. It was very awkward, and your mother kept trying to intrude. She was angry that we were finally together. In the dream, you were angry, and I was angry, and your mother was near apoplectic. It was the most uncomfortable dream I've ever had. I was unsure whether I could entrust my heart and sensibilities to you, and so I was reluctant. You were angry about car insurance, and I took my cue from that level of emotional attachment and we never got to anything kind or loving. Your mother was forced to leave the restaurant by the manager, but she stood outside the window, raging and making wild, jerky movements.
I awakened feeling sick. It seemed that you had become a little voodoo Judy. As I write this, I am still much shaken by that dream as I don't want to think that you could ever become anything like her. If I never see you again, I will always hope that you were able to become your own person. I know that it was just a dream, and I regard dreams as the machinations of the mind when it is not constrained by the expectations of societal convention.
I still cling to hope for the future, but I must tell you that it is very lonely and oppressively sad out here...............waiting for a reunion which may never come, or which may fall far short of my lowest expectations. Laura received calls today from each of her children. In one day, she had more communication with her kids than I've had with you in six years.
Since I first wrote here that Wayne is a perfect profile match for an al Qaeda operative, I've been contacted by agencies of our government and those of foreign governments. The oddest contact was made by an agency from Thailand. Since they are fearful of an Islamic uprising in their southern provinces, they wanted to know more about him. Each person has been escorted by someone from the US. I was astonished at first that anyone had even read this little blog, but then after I thought about it, I realized that they use bots to scan for key words such as "Wayne is an American citizen working for al Qaeda".
I haven't been watching Beaver cams because it's too depressing to see little images of you flickering about. The image of my hatchet faced ex-wife with a mushroom-shaped ice bag on her head and a thermometer sticking out of her craggy face still haunts me. It's the worst thing I could imagine ever seeing, and I managed to resurrect that image when there must be lots of lovely images of people being eaten by sharks! I suppose that she is another prime reason for avoiding Beaver Street TV!
Time to go............
with all of my love,
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
For Amy.....the peaceful and happy shrine of The Slot....made of rocks rounded by thousands of years of wind-driven sand.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Just a quick note to let you know that I'm still here, and still thinking about you. My memory of details seems to be more clouded lately, but I will never forget you, or stop loving you. I have been trying to remember the name of the thing the Vikings were looking for when we saw that show on TV in Puerto Rico, and tried to remember that place that had fresh popcorn. I've tried to remember how many seasons I coached your soccer teams, and whether we ever won any games?
I'm sorry to see that your knee is still not 100% and hope it gets better soon. I hope it can repair fully. It is further proof that she will push you or anyone else until they break......or push them off of a cliff if it suits her purpose! You told her repeatedly that your knee hurt yet she made you continue to practice and perform on it until it was finally damaged enough so that you can't dance anymore . She did that to me a few times too.....even when I broke my foot, and even after I cracked a few ribs, and even after I tore a few ligaments. The irony here is that she used to awaken me with her whining every time she had a sore throat or a cold. If she got the sniffies, she needed ice bags, thermometers, tea, honey, cough drops, heating pads, special Kleenex, meals in bed.........................she's really a wimp ("Steve........wake up...I don't feel good"). The memory of her hatchet face with a thermometer stuck in it and an ice bag on her head is the first image of her I've had in years. God, I wish I hadn't remembered that! If her eyes were any closer, she'd be a Cyclops.
I used to wonder why she had to wake me up to tell me that she had a cold!!
Not being God (or even a doctor), there was nothing I could do about her cold, but she felt compelled to awaken me EVERY time she felt ill..............
You and I weren't permitted to be injured or ill.
I'm guessing that the time she's spending with you at events is to show the community what a good mommy she is. The community knows otherwise, and many of the neighbors in the old neighborhood and several in Gregg's Landing contacted me to let me know that you could stay with them if she threw you out of the house as she threatened to do. The neighbors know what she is like.....they just don't know what she is!
I'll be thinking of you as you approach the big day in June.
Oh well...........gotta go and get a haircut. I'm looking forward to meeting Wayne
With all of my love from 2,000+ miles away,
Bub - Your loving father (I don't know if you still say "Daddy")
(recent digipics from the desert to appear here soon)
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Spybot Search and Destroy v1.3
Search your hard disk for so-called spybots or adbots, the modules that are responsible for showing ads and transmitting information back to vendors. If Spybot Search and Destroy finds such modules, it will remove them or replace them with empty dummies. In most cases, the host software still runs after removing the bot. Among the adbots Spybot targets: Aureate, CLPRS, Comet Cursors, eZula HotText, Gator, GoHip, Radiate, WebHancer, and WildTangent.
Spybot also removes your usage tracks (last visited Web sites, opened files, started programs, and cookies), so even spybots that are unknown can't transmit this private information. The program supports all three major browsers: Internet Explorer, Netscape Communicator, and Opera. Download
Visit Center for Democracy and Technology (CDT) to check on the latest developments in the American efforts to eliminate adware and spyware. Participate!! Regain control of your computer, your privacy, and your enjoyment of the internet!
Check this link to SLASHDOT for info about "the worst adware, malware, and spyware".
RPC Doom Virus
You've been infected with RPC Doom virus
Cool Web Search
The first 4 of the above are virus hoaxes. The last 4 are home page hijackers. Read on to learn about them.
If you want to do something about SPYWARE, HOME PAGE HIJACKING, and SPAM, go to send this URL to your friends, and tell them the virus is a hoax.
If you have already found and deleted those files, don't worry. Your computer probably never used them anyway. If you want to, you can reinstall Windows and the files will be restored.
If you get a warning that the RPC Doom Virus has been found on your computer, it's a STUPID POP UP AD. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del and the Windows Task Manager will appear.
Click on the RPC Doom Warning in the Task Manager Window, and then click on "End Task" at the lower left of the Task Manager window. The warning will go away. Use the popup killer from 12 Ghosts to prevent this from happening again.
If your HOME PAGE has been changed (high jacked), download Ad-Aware from Lavasoft. Also download Spybot, Spysweeper, and Hijack This. They can all be found on Google, and all are FREE! I just used each of them to clear out all traces of an annoying Home Page Hijacker called HOMEOldSP.
It took repeated attempts to eliminate it, but the latest update to Lavasoft's Ad-Aware seemed to be the only one which eliminated it, and it seemed to have attached itself to an old version 12 Ghosts Popup Killer which I had been using, which I have now removed. I will download the newest version because I've found. 12Ghosts to be an excellent piece of free software. The 12 Ghosts Washer is an efficient, free way to remove unwanted files from the cache.
SpySweeper was able to remove SPYWARE and ADWARE (Like CoolWWW) and remnants of spyware which other programs had previously not removed completely.
www. tomcoyote.com has good advice on getting rid of these pests who think that if they change our computer home page, we will like them and will buy products from them.
I suggest that we all refuse to support popups by blocking them or using the Task Manager technique to get rid of them.
Every time you click anything on a popup(Including the "X" to close the pop-up window), the website owner has proof of your traffic, and reports your visit as an increase in their website traffic, which lures stupid advertisers to pay them to infest the web with more pop ups. Use the task manager trick to get rid of the pop ups, or use a SAFE popup killer to prevent them.
Many of the "pop up killers" contain spyware or viruses. From what I've read, almost ALL of the pop up killers from xxx sites contain spyware, viruses, or some other kind of data miners.
I recommend using all of the above programs at least once a week to keep your system "clean". Remember, they are all FREE!!
Send this URL to the person who sent you the fake viruses, and to others on your mailing list and maybe we can get rid of this rubbish and prevent people from panicking.
This link will take you to a page which is dedicated to the removal of SPYWARE.
If your homepage has been replaced by Cool Web Search, or CoolWWW, check this link for info on how to get rid of it.
Spysweeper, by Webroot, has a "shield" which will protect your homepage from garbage like "CoolWWW". After running Spysweeper and deleting the parasitic software, click on "Options" and activate the Home Page Shield.
Remember, NEVER open a POP UP AD, and tell everyone on your mailing list not to either. In fact, tell that to everyone you know. If people don't open the ads.....they will go away.
Monday, February 07, 2005
If you've got trouble with Startpage.4.AP, you are going to also have trouble with CoolWWW, Cool Web Search, LopDotCom,Maxserving,HomeOldSp, Zestyfind, Zedo, Tribalfusion, Alexa, Xupiter,PSW Tofger.2.AR, js.search.cc, and Startpage.4.AP (which now has now spawned, Startpage.4.AO). Startpage.4.AO is not substantially different from any of the other garbage which has taken over your PC, but the reality is that you're going to have to spend some money to PERMANENTLY get rid of all of these pests, and you're going to have to spend some more to PREVENT THEM FROM RE-INFESTING your PC.
If you scroll down, you'll see that I've listed what I feel are the best FREE programs, and I've also stated that they have to be used in conjunction with several other free programs, and have to be updated daily. After wasting hours trying to find the "perfect FREE program" I finally bought GhostSurf Pro, and then later bought PestPatrol.
My home page hasn't been changed, and I have dug out the little bits of malicious code which go unseen by the free programs, and are left behind after you think you've just cleaned your system. Those little bits of code regenerate the home page hijackers after you think you've finally defeated them and gotten control of your PC again. The next day - your home page has been changed again and now you're angrier and more frustrated than ever!
I used PestPatrol (see the link in the post below)to eradicate the hijackers which had been hiding in my PC, and I use GhostSurf Pro to block them from re-infesting my PC. GhostSurf also eliminates pop-ups!
There are secure links to all of the free programs if you want to try them (I wasted a lot of time using all of them and none of them was effective for more than a day). Be VERY certain that you download ALL programs from the authors. There are several sites which offer free downloads, but the programs they offer are
versions of legitimate software which have been altered to include the same garbage you're trying to get rid of.
I've placed secure links on this site for GhostSurf Pro (at the bottom of this page), and for PestPatrol if you decide that you're done wasting your time muddling about with the free stuff and simply want to free your computer of the invaders.
Lavasoft's Ad-aware, and AVG are the only free programs I know of which seem to be consistently effective, but neither will get rid of CoolWWW and all of the other pests. AVG is so good at anti-virus defense that I actually threw Norton SystemWorks in the garbage because of frequent clashes it had with Windows.
See recent posts, and the post of April 21, 2004 for more info, and for secure links.
> BOGUS VIRUS WARNING GOING AROUND - it looks like this:
> "URGENT! FIXABLE Virus jdbe.exe - sorry for inconvenience"
If you receive an email about a virus called JDBE, or JDBG - delete the email - DO NOT follow the instructions to search for it so that you can destroy it. Searching for the virus could activate a virus if there is one!! In this case, there is NO virus.
Just delete the email, and tell your friends to do the same.