Monday, November 24, 2003
Sometimes when you decide not to make a choice, it has the same effect as if you made a choice. (Not making a decision is the same as making a decision). It feels like you've done that. It feels like you've made a decision to put me in the background, and keep me there. It makes me very sad and feels very bad to acknowledge that, but in the light of the evidence, it's hard for me to deny it anymore, and very unhealthy for me to try to live in that world alone.
Except for your last card about your teeth, your letters have seemed deliberately sterile and unaffectionate
For a few years, I've carried with me, and lived for, the memory of a special daughter and a special relationship. For whatever reasons, you have decided to bail out of that memory and I'm left standing in it with the remnants of it on the floor around my feet. My friends in Illinois, Cali, and elsewhere have been gently telling me that my memories are just memories and that the relationship is not real anymore, and I have been telling them that they're wrong. The evidence supports their statements, so I'm at another juncture at which I must examine the facts, the same way you have.