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Monday, May 17, 2004


Hi Amester!

I just heard a really cool song called "California" on the internet. It touched on many things I think you'd like including "the 101". Laura and I have driven down "The 101", also known as the Pacific Coast Highway, or just "PCH". It winds along the coast, through some very beautiful country.

As always, beautiful places attract too many people, so there are a lot of surf board stores, skate board stores, stores which rent those little two-wheel Segway things, taco shops, and other things on the way, but since they seem "UNIQUE" to the sunny outdoor culture of the California coast, I find them more a curiosity than an annoyance.

I enjoyed the song so much that I looked up the lyrics. They resonate with purpose and the strength and courage of the simple decision "to go to California". As one who has done it, I can say that leaving you was the only difficult part of "going to California" and that leaving you there in her clutches was THE most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. I knew that I couldn't help you, or even help myself until I recovered from the consequences of her evildoing, and from her continual verbal and emotional abuse.

Because she had lied to misuse the law to her advantage, she could prevent us from having anything which resembled a normal relationship. I had to either stay and allow her to continue to spit in my face, or leave and try to recover from the total, overwhelming shock and devastation of losing you and being legally dispossessed of my property.

During the few meetings she permitted us to have, she took cruel pleasure in humiliating me and abusing me in front of you, and in front of the patrons of the public places in which she allowed us to meet for a few minutes every two or three weeks. Because she controlled those meetings and could end them at any time, I was powerless. To paraphrase: "Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely". She was absolutely corrupted by the power she had perjured herself to obtain.

I had to leave that endless, constant abuse which your mother enjoyed inflicting on both of us, and I had to find a place and a way to rebuild myself, in the hope that we would be able to reunite soon. The owls are flying!! They will keep flying until our lives are normal again. I love you and intend to make certain that you know that.

For most people, the hardest part of going to California is simply getting a ticket on JetBlue and packing their bags - I had to leave you, the person I loved more than all others and all else. I saw you crying as your mother sped away into the night, and I cried too. I saw that you were able to manage a tiny "goodbye" wave, and I knew that you did so at the risk of having your mother scream at you again.

For a time, I believed that you had "thrown me away" also, because you never called, you hardly ever wrote, and except for one item I sent you, you never acknowledged any of the letters or things I sent to you.

Then I sensed that your abrupt silence had all of the "signatures of your mother's handiwork" on it, and I decided to learn how to create an internet presence which you might find someday. I told myself that all of the time we had spent together and all of the little adventures we had gone on together, and all of the love we had experienced together could not possibly have died so abruptly. I remembered the kiss on the envelope.

I learned how to create this site, and have been writing to you here ever since. I hope that someday you find it, and I hope that your mother and her new husband find it too, so that they may have a sense of the horror of the loss she has inflicted on us both.

I am healthier now, stronger now, happier now, and am only missing you to make my life whole again. If I were permitted to, I would send you an airline ticket. As you know, I don't have much money, but I could help you to get here, and you would be well cared for after you arrived, and for as long as you wanted to stay. You would love the freedom of your life here.

Laura is a kind, freedom-loving, free spirit who has come to know you from my stories about the things you and I did and shared together and the special relationship we had. She wears her bright red/orange/green/yellow Oakleys and zooms around in the sun in her bright blue Miata, her curly red hair flying in the wind.

She has made it abundantly clear that our guest room is yours for as long as you'd care to stay. It has a private bathroom, a separate TV/cable modem hookup and all of the other goodies. We're four blocks from the Pacific, and very close to the high school too. Our next door neighbor has a daughter about your age who is a cheerleader at the high school.

CALIFORNIA (lyrics by Phantom Planet)
We've been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for number one
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Hustlers grab your guns
Your shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California here we come
Right back where we started from
California (California...) here we come
On the stereo
Listen as we go
Nothings gonna stop me now
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Pedal to the floor
Thinking of the roar
Gotta get us to the show
California here we come
Right back where we started from
California (California...) here we come

As I said, the lyrics are powerful, and filled with resolve, and sound like the anthem of a person who's decided to go to California, and they mean a lot to me, on many levels.

I never know if you're able to read anything I write to you, but I will continue to write to you here

I love you,

(soon, I'll post a photo of me taken yesterday...I hope that you see it someday.)

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