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Monday, May 03, 2004


Dear Amester,

It's a beautiful, sunny day in La Jolla! The sky is blue, the sun is bright and warm and is sparkling on the deep blue Pacific. The air is neither humid nor dry. It's the second best place to live in the whole world. I think that the best place to live is in the Canary Islands, but since I'm unlikely to ever go there, I'm very happy with the weather I have. I'm going to put last night's sunset at the end of this post so that you can share in some of this beauty if you ever find this blog.

It is, of course, my hope that someday, you will find this place, and will be able to make contact with me, and we can go over the stolen years and fill in the horrible blanks for each other.

I had a nightmare a couple of nights ago in which Laura and I went on a 28 day Princess cruise from San Diego to Ft. Lauderdale via the Panama canal, stopping at all of the cool little islands on the way. Once the ship got to Ft. Lauderdale, it turned around and went back to San Diego, stopping at different islands. I've never cruised that line, but a recent ad on TV showing that their new ships all had a mini-Rodeo Drive shopping arcade in the center of them, and remembering that you always loved expensive purses, shoes, accessories and clothes must be the reason I selected it in my dream/nightmare.

What made this wonderful trip a nightmare was that your mother found out that Laura and I were going, and she booked herself and the new husband on it, and then tried to ruin everything that Laura and I did. Each time we switched dinner tables to get away from her, she paid off the maitre d' and followed us. Each time we went ashore, she and her new husband went where we did. She pitched fits in front of us in every port and embarassed everyone who witnessed her outbursts.

Her real outbursts and tantrums in Antigua and at Disneyworld(swimming with the sharks) were actually worse than her outbursts in my nightmare. There were more of them in my nightmare though.

She gave money to the people in the cabin next to ours so that she and the new guy could move in next to us. Every time Laura and I went out on our balcony, she came out there and started screaming at us, and at him. He never said anything. He just followed her around scowling at everything, agreeing with everything she said.

She was willing to spend huge sums to cause grief, not just for me, for for everyone on the ship and in each port. Thank God it was just a dream (Or was it??)(Hasn't she already done things like that?).

I awakened and didn't see her or her shortened new husband. I gasped, shook off the nightmare, and then went and made a pot of coffee.

I will always keep writing to you here, because I will never give up hope that you will someday find this place and re-enter my life. I have loved you since before you were born, and I have never stopped loving you and I never will stop loving you. You are always welcome here with us for as long as you want to stay - anytime.

Your mother has no power or ability to ever stop me from loving you. I'm certain that she is censoring my letters to you, and I truly believe that she has thrown away several of the letters and gifts I've sent you. I will continue to tell you that I love you when I send letters to you via the US Postal Service. If you never get those letters, she will know that she can never stop me from loving you because she can't control herself sufficiently to not read them.

I hope that she, and especially he, are not abusing any way. Mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, or other types of abuse are intolerable and are also criminal, and I feel horrible that I can't be there to protect you.

Remember (if you can read this)that I have never stopped loving you, and there has never been a day when I didn't miss you or become sad thinking about how her cruelty has affected us.

"Sunset last night....only 4 blocks from our home"

"......and another one from La Jolla!"

With all of my love,



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