Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Another day.............not a good one today. I'm very depressed. I'm overwhelmed by sadness. I still haven't been able to accept or adjust to having lost you.
The high point of yesterday was that I spent all of the day with a physical therapist, still trying to regain use of my left shoulder. I think I told you how it was damaged.
I have a couple questions for you Amy.
And for your mother.
And for her husband.
And for the Judge:
"What if your mother is successful in her quest to change your name, and then she later decides to dump her present husband?"
" What if he dumps her?"
You will be stuck with that name until you go back to court and change it again.................
Your mother and her husband each have histories of dumping spouses. Changing your name is a little like tattooing your current boyfriend's name on your arm. That name will be there long after the current boyfriend is gone. You will have to live with it, and look at it every day. Go to Max's Dawg House and ask the woman who works there to show you her forearm. She doesn't like "Jose" anymore, and hasn't for years. Go there and look closely at that tattoo.
As your natural father, I strongly oppose the attempt to change your name of Amy Elizabeth Ward while you are legally under age, and also while you are under your motherÂs control. The copies of the petitions my ex-wifeÂs lawyer has provided fail to show ANY reason for a name change, much less any compelling reason for it.
I'm not in a good mood today. I'm feeling deeply saddened by your absence in my life. You won't ever know how this feels unless you someday have a child who is kidnapped, or killed, or one who hates you. The feeling of loss is huge and all-engulfing. There is no escaping it by myself. The love and companionship of Laura, are all that I have to sustain me.
I don't even know if you have ever read anything I write here. I feel like I must be naieve, or stupid, or pitiful because I keep writing here, trying to keep a relationship with my daughter alive. I don't know anything about you. She CANNOT STOP ME FROM LOVING YOU, AND I DO LOVE YOU!
I am trying to understand how your mother can afford lawyer's fees, filing fees, and court costs to change your name at a time when she says that she is unable to pay for your auto insurance?
I love you, and miss you, and will always be the one person on whose total unconditional love you can depend.