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GhostSurf Pro so that it automatically blocks all new attempts to gather ANY information from my computer. It also wipes out all traces of my private online surfing. No one can build a profile of me from my personal online browsing, and I like that feature of GhostSurf Pro very much!

I think that spending $39.99 and installing the software once is a better solution than spending an hour a day updating free software. My only regret is that I didn't learn about it earlier. I'm happier because I have control of my computer again.

IF you decide to purchase GhostSurf Pro, order it ONLY from Tenebril. There is a link to their site at the bottom of this page. Any other source of GhostSurf Pro may be a copy containing the trojans and spyware you are trying to eliminate
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diego santiago diego 2seaward@san.rr.com Wednesday, April 21, 2004 108259220664469263 2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html http://bubdaddy.blogspot.com/archives/2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html#108259220664469263 4.16.2004 Dear Amy,

I really don't know if you've been getting anything I've sent you in the mail. I feel that your mother and her new husband have been intercepting my mail to you and throwing it away. I don't even know if you've ever read any of this, or seen any of the photos I've sent you or any of those which I've posted here.

In the past, you've alluded to how long it's been since you've heard from me, yet I've been very faithful and consistent in my letter writing to you. I even established this site so that you could contact me from a public library or a friend's house if you chose to, but you never have.

I hear nothing for months, and then I receive a letter from you in an envelope addressed by your mother. Your mother's new husband even changed the return address she put on one of the letters and replaced it with one of his own.

It took 3 people to send that letter! You to write it, your mother to address it, and the new guy to re-address it. One of the letters you wrote to me had been pried open by the person who mailed it, and then poorly resealed.

Murderers in prison are not as controlled and censored as you are.

All I want to do is be able to tell you that I love you, give you a hug, talk with you freely, answer the questions you must be exploding with, and just see you again.

I do not believe that any of those are unreasonable requests, and I am still stunned that your mother was able to have the law aid her in her kidnapping of you. At the time she did that, I was being treated for depression by too many doctors and was being given too many prescriptions.

Her skullduggery was accomplished while I was severely depressed, and influenced by those medications, or in the hospital. I was unable to defend myself, or you. She took advantage of that situation, and for some reason, has continued her campaign of hate.

Somehow, during that period when I was being prescribed too many anti-depressants by too many doctors, she gained legal contol of the marital estate in exchange for a fraction of its value. I don't remember any of that, but your aunt Susie told me that it seems that I signed somthing. Clearly, she and her attorney took advantage of my impaired state and the effects of the prescriptions on my ability to think clearly.

Even though the court directed her to return my personal effects, she has kept my stereo equipment and speakers, my tools, all of the photos and videos I took, and many other personal items. She chooses which laws she will obey, and lies readily to obtain what she wants from the law.

All that I REALLY want from her is free, unrestricted communication with you. If you don't want that, then I will have to hear that from you when you are not in any position to be influenced by her. She always was a bully, and still is.

She's kept us apart for 4 years. I honestly don't understand what reason she has for doing that.

No one else who reads this understands her motives either. Neither do her colleagues. Neither do your neighbors. Neither do most of her relatives.

I'm going to switch blog formats soon, so that people will be able to post their comments and reactions to this ongoing tragedy. For some reason, the "Comments" section of this blog is unreliable, and so is the email portion. I believe that BLOGGER is sending comments intended for me to other people, and I occasionally receive comments intended for others.

Since I don't know if you are receiving my letters and cards............I will continue to post here and hope that you're able to read them. Please just call me....any time of day. Reverse the charges.

Like the owls in Harry Potter, I will keep trying until I am able to reach you, and you are able to reach me!!

In the movies, they always say that the pain will go away........I can tell you that it never does. It gets worse. I remember the fun we had, and try to imagine the fun that we might have had, and the relationship we might have been able to grow as you were growing up.

You were a fiery, defiant daughter when you told your mother "NO!!", as she demanded that you leave the house with her that night. Is all of that fire now gone? Has she managed to smother your love? She can't smother mine, and I will ALWAYS love you, and will welcome you in La Jolla if you want to come live here!

Tomorrow, we're going to a street fair in Encinitas with more than 400 artists and musicians.

With all of my love,

Bub diego santiago diego 2seaward@san.rr.com Friday, April 16, 2004 108215760927883983 2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html http://bubdaddy.blogspot.com/archives/2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html#108215760927883983 4.14.2004 DOWNLOAD AND USE SPYWARE BLASTER!! AFTER YOU'VE INSTALLED IT, CLICK ON ALL OF THE BUTTONS AND PLACE AN X IN THE BOXES AT THE TOP OF THE INTERNET EXPLORER PAGE, AND ALSO AT THE TOP OF THE RESTRICTED SITES PAGE.

After you do that, an X will appear next to every type of spyware found on your system.

After you've browsed the web for a while, return to the pages where you placed the X's. Scroll through the list of spyware on each page..........you might see some new entries shown in red. Place an X next to them.

SPYBLASTER is a superb weapon against fecalware, but like all defence programs, it MUST be updated daily. It has an automatic update feature, and I use it, but I still update it myself too(in case someone was written code to disable the automatic update).


By now, you've heard of the JDBE.EXE, JDBG.EXE hoaxes.

There is a new threat out there which works the way the jdbe.exe and jdbg.exe hoaxes claim to work but it REALLY DOES sends itself to every address in your computer, and it IS NOT A HOAX!!

It is called W32/Netsky.D@mm, or W32/Netsky.j@MM.
It uses other aliases, but so far, all incorporate the name "Netsky.

Read on, and be careful of this new piece of fecalware!

Like the hoaxes, this virus arrives in your email. It enters a computer and sends itself to everyone in the address book on that computer. It continues to replicate itself around the world in that way.

It arrives in an email with the following Subject lines:

Re: Hello, Re: Hi, Re:Thanks!, Re: Document, Re:Message, Re: Here, Re: Details, Re:Your details, Re: Approved, Re: Your document, Re: Your text, Re: Excel file, Re: Word file, Re: My Details, Re: Your music, Re: Your bill, Re: Your letter, Re: Your letter, Re: Your Document, Re: Your website, Re: Your product, Re: Your document, Re: Your software, Re: Your archive, Re: Your picture, Re: Here is the document.

W32/Netsky.D@mm, or W32/Netsky.j@MM is a worm with a .PIF extension, as shown below:

yours.pif
your_text.pif
your_file.pif
mp3music.pif
your_picture.pif

There are probably many more examples and permutations of false file names with .PIF extensions.

You can download STINGER from McAfee for free and it will tell you if you have the worm, and will delete it for you. (Haveyour search engine search for Stinger)


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diego santiago diego 2seaward@san.rr.com Wednesday, April 14, 2004 108196575120877383 2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html http://bubdaddy.blogspot.com/archives/2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html#108196575120877383 4.13.2004 When you disable your popup killer, you open your PC to the merchants of dung who will make money every time they place some piece of their software on your computer. YOU MUST use a popup killer! I disabled my 12Ghosts popup killer just long enough for me to check my STATCOUNTER at the bottom of this blog. After checking my blogstats using STATCOUNTER, I reactivated my popup killer and ran Ad-aware.

Pay close attention to an outfit called "TRIBALFUSION". Their fecalware has been around, and seems to have made a "second coming". They are a bothersome lot, but easily gotten rid of IF you follow the advice here.

I discovered that during the 2 minutes I had been checking my blogstats, the people at Statcounter had placed the following fecalware on my computer:

Vendor Type Category Object Comment

Tracking Cookie File Data Miner c:\documents and settings\MY NAME\cookies\MY NAME@atdmt[2].txt

Tracking Cookie File Data Miner c:\documents and settings\MY NAME\cookies\MY NAME@hitbox[2].txt

Tracking Cookie File Data Miner c:\documents and settings\MY NAME\cookies\MY NAME@statcounter[1].txt

Tracking Cookie File Data Miner c:\documents and settings\MY NAME\cookies\MY NAME@tribalfusion[1].txt

Tracking Cookie File Data Miner c:\documents and settings|MY NAME\cookies\any user@valueclick[1].txt


The following SPIES were implanted in my system when I used SITEMETER, another "free" bit of software used to count the number of visitors to my blog:


Vendor Type Category Object Comment
Tracking Cookie File Data Miner c:\documents and settings\any user\cookies\MY NAME@doubleclick[1].txt

Tracking Cookie File Data Miner c:\documents and settings\any user\cookies\MY NAME@maxserving[1].txt


If you don't use 12Ghosts Popup killer you will be a target for ALL of the people who make money by selling your name and URL to advertisers who are stupid enough to believe that we will buy anything from them because they have spied on us. 12Ghosts is the only popup killer which I am personally certain is a real popup killer and not a trojan which is a conduit for fecalware like CoolWWW, and Cool Web Search.

You MUST run a popup killer (I recommend 12Ghosts), HiJackThis, and Adware.....and you MUST update them dailyand YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST USE THEM DAILY!

Also, instead of allowing your real name to appear as the registered owner of Windows, or ANYWHERE in your computer, I recommend that you make up an anonymous name such as MY NAME. Be certain to separate the first and last names. You can see from the info gathered from my computer by the DATA MINERS that the fecalware people have used my internet pseudonym and turned it into an address which they control and sell, and resell, and resell and resell, and so on.

Observe the following line closely:

MY NAME@doubleclick[1].txt

Keep your wits about you and your guards up!

If we ALL use the same pseudonyms such as My Name, or, Any User in our registry, the cookies they place and the spyware they place will become USELESS and of NO COMMERCIAL VALUE since EVERY bit of information they collect will seem to come from the same user, making it impossible to collect info on browsing habits and whatever other "demographic" info they steal from us and sell to advertisers

I will post a few letters soon, my daughter Amy, who was legally stolen by her mother. diego santiago diego 2seaward@san.rr.com Tuesday, April 13, 2004 108187263337418924 2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html http://bubdaddy.blogspot.com/archives/2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html#108187263337418924 4.7.2004 JDBE.EXE virus
JDBG.EXE virus
RPC Doom Virus
You've been infected with RPC Doom virus

Cool Web Search
Lopdotcom
C2 Media

CoolWWW



The first 4 of the above are virus hoaxes. The last 4 are home page hijackers. Read on to learn about them.

If you want to do something about SPYWARE, HOME PAGE HIJACKING, and SPAM, go to this link at the FTC, and leave your comments, but do it fast...the hearing is April 19, 2004

If you receive email from a friend telling you that they apologize for having sent you a virus in a previous email, and telling you to search for a file calle jdbe.exe, or jdbg.exe, IGNORE IT!

DO NOT search for a file called jdbe.exe, and DO NOT search for a file called jdbg.exe.
If you have already searched for those files and found them, DO NOT DELETE them. They are normal, legitimate Windows files.

Just DELETE THE EMAIL from your friend who sent it to you, send this URL to your friends, and tell them the virus is a hoax.

If you have already found and deleted those files, don't worry. Your computer probably never used them anyway. If you want to, you can reinstall Windows and the files will be restored.

If you get a warning that the RPC Doom Virus has been found on your computer, it's a STUPID POP UP AD. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del and the Windows Task Manager will appear.
Click on the RPC Doom Warning in the Task Manager Window, and then click on "End Task" at the lower left of the Task Manager window. The warning will go away. Use the popup killer from 12 Ghosts to prevent this from happening again.

If your HOME PAGE has been changed (high jacked), download Ad-Aware from Lavasoft. Also download Spybot, Spysweeper, and Hijack This. They can all be found on Google, and all are FREE! I just used each of them to clear out all traces of an annoying Home Page Hijacker called HOMEOldSP.


It took repeated attempts to eliminate it, but the latest update to Lavasoft's Ad-Aware seemed to be the only one which eliminated it, and it seemed to have attached itself to an old version 12 Ghosts Popup Killer which I had been using, which I have now removed. I will download the newest version because I've found. 12Ghosts to be an excellent piece of free software. The 12 Ghosts Washer is an efficient, free way to remove unwanted files from the cache.

SpySweeper was able to remove SPYWARE and ADWARE (Like CoolWWW) and remnants of spyware which other programs had previously not removed completely.


www. tomcoyote.com has good advice on getting rid of these pests who think that if they change our computer home page, we will like them and will buy products from them. I will NEVER buy anything from ANY IDIOT who hijacks my homepage, or sponsors popup ads, and I suggest that we all refuse to support popups by using the Task Manager technique to get rid of the popups.

Every time you click anything on a popup(Including the "X" to close the pop-up window), the website owner has proof of your traffic, and reports your visit as an increase in their website traffic, which lures stupid advertisers to pay them to infest the web with more pop ups. Use the task manager trick to get rid of the pop ups, or use a SAFE popup killer to prevent them.

Many of the "pop up killers" contain spyware or viruses. From what I've read, almost ALL of the pop up killers from xxx sites contain spyware, viruses, or some other kind of data miners.

I recommend using all of the above programs at least once a week to keep your system "clean". Remember, they are all FREE!!

Send this URL to the person who sent you the fake viruses, and to others on your mailing list and maybe we can get rid of this rubbish and prevent people from panicking.

This link will take you to a page which is dedicated to the removal of SPYWARE.

If your homepage has been replaced by Cool Web Search, or CoolWWW, check this link for info on how to get rid of it.


Spysweeper, by Webroot, has a "shield" which will protect your homepage from garbage like "CoolWWW". After running Spysweeper and deleting the parasitic software, click on "Options" and activate the Home Page Shield.

Remember, NEVER open a POP UP AD, and tell everyone on your mailing list not to either. In fact, tell that to everyone you know. If people don't open the ads.....they will go away. diego santiago diego 2seaward@san.rr.com Wednesday, April 07, 2004 108136652287115416 2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html http://bubdaddy.blogspot.com/archives/2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html#108136652287115416 4.6.2004 The new hubby may be too poor to afford stereo equipment, speakers, and tools of his own, so she tells him to continue to keep mine. I would also like my sundial returned. She has stolen that too. (She could never understand how it worked, but has chosen to steal it anyway)

I can't imagine that this new fellow is really so poor that he can't buy his own things. It makes him look like a poor boy, or a freeloader, or a carpetbagger, or all of the foregoing, because he has to keep the things my ex-wife stole from me, even though he knows that the court directed her to return all of my personal effects.

She is the decision maker in their relationship, having effectively castrated him by forcing him to keep the things of mine she stole from me. As long as she retains my property, he remains her eunuch, and since he evidently lacks the principles or the strength of character to direct her to return my property to me, he will always be her subservient "boy".

All he does is supply vacations with his abundant frequent flier miles. diego santiago diego 2seaward@san.rr.com Tuesday, April 06, 2004 108129177913272649 2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html http://bubdaddy.blogspot.com/archives/2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html#108129177913272649 *
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*For details on jdbe.exe and jdbg.exe hoaxes, and details on RPC doom virus hoax - scroll down...........enjoy the photos as you scroll! The jdbe.exe hoax, jdbg.exe hoax, RPC doom virus info is quite a way back.....keep scrolling and you'll find it!

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Amy's mother didn't believe that it was "worthwhile" for her to spend time with Amy.
She "didn't have time for that".
She believed that she should use her time by having her nails done, or her teeth bleached, or go shopping for more shoes and purses, or getting her hair bleached, or getting a pedicure and a manicure, and then spend more of the time she didn't have for Amy in a tanning salon, making it look like she was just back from another expensive vacation. She didn't feel that any of her time should be wasted in the upbringing and encouragement of Amy. NEVER in the encouragement of Amy.

Amy's mother used to drive by Amy's preschool everyday, but refused to take her there, or pick her up when preschool was over. She said that she didn't have time. I didn't have much occasion to drive that way, but I DID manage to drive Amy to preschool every day, and pick her up every day, and we had fun in the car, talking about the things which were important to her.

So that others who read the posts below this one understand them, I need to clarify the whole scenario of Judi and her relationship with Amy, her daughter.

Judi NEVER accompanied Amy to sell Girl Scout cookies, or deliver them (except to her fellow teachers, and ONLY in her buildng). She never took Amyor to hunt for Beanie Babies, or the latest pens, or anything else that AMY was interested in. Only once or twice did she ever take Amy to dance practice.

Amy's mother had NO INTEREST in anything that Amy was interested in, and had no interest in anything that Amy did.

I planned Amy's birthday parties, I even baked her birthday cakes. I coached her soccer teams. I set up the team lunches at the end of each season, and I selected, ordered, and picked up the team's trophies.

Amy taught herself to make colorful little bracelets out of string, which she then sold for a profit to kids in the neighborhood, and to kids in her school. Judi refused to buy her any string when she needed more. I bought her more string and Judi flew into another rage because I did.

Amy taught herself how to do "corn-rows" and french braiding, and the little neighborhood girls paid her to do their hair. If the children came to the house when Judi was there, Judi tried to send Amy off to do some obscure chore she thought of on the spot to prevent Amy from earning money braiding hair.

As far as Judi was concerned, Amy was an obstacle in her way all of the time.
I tried to conceal Judi's resentment and disinterest from Amy, but Amy was too smart for that. She knew.

She told me that she knew.

Judi needed Amy for one thing, and one thing only. To her, Amy was a necessary prop in the suburban myth of the family, and a necessary prop for a first grade teacher in the Hawthorn School District.

Amy was always a sweet, lovable, loving child. Judi never saw her as that. To Judi, she was a thorn in the side and a pest. Judi only bullied Amy, and belittled her to her face. Every time Judi belittled Amy, I was there to tell her to stop it, and to apologize to her for treating her that way.

I've had phone calls and emails from our former friends, neighbors, and even Judi's colleagues, apologizing to me for having believed Judi. They have stated that they now know that the wrong parent was awarded custody. They were disgusted by the way Judi used Amy as a weapon against me.

They counseled Judi that trying to destroy the father-daughter relationship Amy and I had was dangerous to her, and even immoral. I love Amy and Judi never did. She even told me on a few occasions that she didn't like Amy and found her annoying. I had always taught Amy to do what she knew was the right thing to do, and not to let anyone try to destroy her sense of self, and her self esteem. I also told her that she whould never "dumb down" for anyone. It was Judi's inability to bully Amy while I was there which led Judi to dislike her.

Knowing that I love Amy, it was Judi's goal to hurt us both by separating us. In that, she has been more successful than at any other endeavor in her life.

Our friends, neighbors, and Judi's colleagues were also disgusted with her for the way she took the house and my property away from me........while I was being treated with heavy doses of medication for clinical depression and was unable to make ANY decision of ANY magnitude.

Everyone is still amazed that she has kept all my photos and all of my videos, and that she continues to keep all of my stereo equipment and my Bose speakers. She was never interested in photography, and always criticized me for taking so many pictures, but she has stolen all of mine, and all of the videos I took.

Her new husband may be too poor to afford stereo equipment of his own, so they continue to keep mine. I would like my sundial too but she has stolen that too.

I can't imagine that this new fellow is so poor that he can't simply buy his own, and I am equally surprised that he is content to allow her to tell him that he can't return my property to me.

It does sound like she DOES bully him.

She keeps my personal effects, including several antique heirloom Christmas ornaments which were passed down from my mother's family and the photos, videos, and other things I mentioned, plus all of my tools, including the ones she "gave" to me.

Wayne, the new guy, is made to look like the poor boy who can't afford his own toys.

She IS the decision maker in that relationship, having effectively castrated him with my possessions.

All he does is supply vacations.



Judi insisted that Amy and I accompany her on her twice yearly forays to the antique(junk) markets in Cedarburg, Wisconsin, and Mukwonego, Wisconsin.

Judi and her sister loved to arise before the sun and drive half an hour or an hour and a half to each of these junk-peddling venues where old cookie cutters and, old broken tricycles, and chipped teapots were sold. They had to walk in mud, and have bratwurst, sauerkraut, and beer for breakfast.

Neither Amy nor I saw value in these activities, so we remained in Pam's uncomfortable little place, ate breakfast at McDonald's, and wandered through Toys R Us, and Menard's hardware...........and then wasted the balance of the day in front of a TV.

Judi was willing to have us drive to her sister's place, and then make an additional drive to the junk fairs, but was NEVER willing to visit the marsh at Horicon, or the Experimental Aircraft Association in Oshkosh Wisconsin. Neither of those places was any farther than the junk shows, but Judi always said that they were "too far away".

I went to several junk shows with her before Amy was born, and with Amy, drove her to her sister's many more times before I told her that I didn't want to be her chauffeur anymore. Amy also told her that she didn't enjoy wasting a day in McDonald's, the toy store, and the hardware store.

Judi went into a rage. A white-hot irrational rage.

In her mind. the 3 of us would drive to Wisconsin, spend the night on an uncomfortable sofa-bed while Amy slept on the floor. She and Pam would have their mysterious rubbish shopping ritual while Amy and I wasted the day in a small condo in a town which had nothing but franchise shops and gasoline stations and a bar on every corner. Amy and I did NOT ever enjoy those plans......and Judi became unstable and enraged at hearing of it.

Her "plans" were flawed, and the flaws had been pointed out to her, and she has a dangerous pathological inability to accept being "wrong". She was the only one in our family who wanted to go all that way to tromp around in the early morning cold and muck, and look at junk, and buy some of it. She tried to convince me to go, and I told her that I would only consider going after our trip to the Horicon marsh, and the Oshkosh EAA......places I wanted to see.

Amazingly, she told me that those places were too far to drive to.

I told her that I had observed that she knew how to drive, and she could certainly drive herself to Pam's and back. She then demanded that Amy go with her, and Amy nervously said that she didn't want to go, and I told her that it would be better if she went alone since she was the only one who enjoyed her outing, and that Amy did not have to accompany her if she didn't want to.

Judi then went into a sorrowful story of how she thought it was "our family tradition to go on those outings". I told her politely that it was a tradition which only she and Pam shared because Amy and I were unwilling and incidental participants.

My part of the tradition was to be her driver, and Amy's part of the tradition was to sit in the back seat. Neither of us enjoyed the "family tradition".

What followed next (and on the eve of each subsequent junk sale) was the same type of wailing and howling and then white hot irrational rage that marred our visit to Antigua years later.

I think that she and Pam have finally ceased their odd "tradition" of slogging around mucky fields filled with tents filled with old garbage, so it's not even an issue now. I don't imagine that Judi has tried to entice the new guy into the muddy, sloppy fields of old doorknobs mounted on bits of aged barn wood.

I've heard that she pushes him around a bit, but he's gone so much that she hasn't been able to get good at it yet. That tells me that when Amy leaves "home", Judi will be looking for someone new, local, who will be present and available for her to bully.

She NEEDS to push and bully people.


It'll be a blessing for the new guy when she throws him out. It may not feel like it at first, but life away from her is like a gift from God.
diego santiago diego 2seaward@san.rr.com Tuesday, April 06, 2004 108127000462286540 2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html http://bubdaddy.blogspot.com/archives/2004_04_01_bubdaddy_archive.html#108127000462286540 4.5.2004 ~*
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Dear Amy,

I think about you all of the time, but I try to find things to distract me from missing you. I write silly things here, I publish photos of day trips here, all in the hope of letting you know that I still love you and miss you, and to distract me from the pain of having lost you.

I also publish all of those things to keep me from focusing on the sadness that I feel because you were ripped out of a family life and forced to spend the last four years with a stranger of your mother's even stranger choice. The family life you were ripped out of was a shell, but at least was a familiar shelter for you.

I don't even know if you read this. I keep writing because I love you and want you to know that I've never stopped loving you. From what you said in your last letter, you are not being given all of the letters I've written to you. The fact that your last letter was written BEFORE my birthday, but not mailed by your mother until MARCH 1, 2004 tells me that she is enforcing an unnatural, unhealthy level of control over you at a time in your life when normal parents are well into the process of allowing their children MORE control over their lives.

She used to complain about how repressive her own parents were........and now she has become more repressive than they ever were.


I apologize to you for not being there. Your mother made it impossible for me to be there. Her lies and deceit made it possible for her to legally kidnap you but I apologize nonetheless. Your mother said that she was afraid that I "might strike her", but I've learned that she was doing things behind my back for which she felt any person should be stricken. Maybe God takes care of things like that, not me. I'm not a person who has ever done anything like that.

I had never thought of any such violence against her, or anyone else. She, on the other hand, had a history of having committed physical violence and mental and emotional cruelty against me, emotional violence and mental cruelty against you.

She is still hard at work committing mental and emotional violence against you.

A girl should have the benefit of love and guidance of BOTH parents as she passes through the various stages of growth from infancy to womanhood. I feel so very sad and miserable that I was prevented from being there with you for the last 4 - 5 years.

She has prevented you from sending normal letters, photos, emails, and from making phone calls. She has even prevented you from addressing and mailing the few letters you have sent! I'm sorry that you were subjected to all of that weirdness, and I strongly hope that you will recover from having been subjected to it.

I think about how it must be for you to go through each day with her weirdness as your model for "normalcy", and I hope and pray that you spend time with friends like the Rossetts, who are the most decent, normal, successful people I have EVER known. I don't know if you and Caroline are close. If not, I hope that you are still able to regard your mother as the same person we both knew her to be all those years ago. (Remember when she would decide to throw our things away and we would rescue each other's belongings if we saw them first??)

It is my hope that you are able to put her in her proper perspective as a woman who has serious mental and emotional problems, and detach yourself from her and become your own person. The new guy? Absent....Predictable........Grumpy....and sufficiently full of himself to match her.

She was always too busy for both of us. When you were a child, she had no time for you, but has dedicated her life to erasing me from your life and memory. Since she was never there to do anything with you, I wonder what she thinks will fill the void she has tried to create in you?

Do you remember all of the times she went out selling Girl Scout cookies with you? I don't imagine that you remember all of the times she went out and delivered them either? I know that you must remember the incredibly odd, laborious, and ineffective and inefficient system she devised for organizing OUR delivery!! She wouldn't deliver them with us, but needed to tell us how to do it.

It didn't work, and we had to return to reorganize everything. She was white hot about that.....blaming you and me equally for our inability to figure out whatever defective thinking had led her devise such a scheme. Her willingness to help you went no further than delivering a few boxes to her colleagues at Hawthorn Elementary School.

I came to California to rebuild myself, and to wait until her tyranny over you ended. In my heart, I was dying as she controlled and manipulated you, and our precious time together. Other than to inflict more pain and cruelty on you, she had no reason for not telling you weeks in advance of my announced plan to move to California.

Her insistence on sitting at the table with us on the few occasions we were able to meet, and her need to stay in the room with you and make you use a speakerphone on each of the few times you were permitted to call me were among many things which convinced me that I had to get away from her evil.

She wouldn't allow you to tell me anything about your life, but she tried to monopolize the precious few minutes you and I had by asking me personal questions about my life.....after stating to counselors and lawyers that she wanted NOTHING to do with me ever again....to the point of not even wanting to accept money from me. She had a NEED to know whether she had managed to destroy me, and when I repeatedly asked her why she was interested in the details of my life, she said that she thought that you might want to know. Each time she did that, I told her that you were welcome to ask me ANY question...........privately.

She is remarried now, and I apologize to you for having to have that new person thrust into your life. For the time being, she is getting what she wants, which is frequent, free travel to trendy places. In her mind, she is now a real "Lake Forest rich kid" (despite living in the predominantly blue collar, working class neighborhood of Mundelein. She used to ridicule her mother and Jackie because they had "Lake Forest disease". That's a condition in which working class people suffer when they realize that they are not born into "old money", and are not otherwise rich. They assume the affectations of the Lake Forest people they envy.

The new person she married is an interesting study all by himself. Again, I apologize to you for having had to tolerate him and his ways. Maybe they deserve each other, but I don't believe that anyone "deserves" her cruelties in all of their hidden forms. Since he was complicit in my own demise, I am certain that she will hastens his, and will try to makes nearly as awful for him.

I know that when she senses that the time is right to have another adventure.....she will try her best to hurt him too.


She could have explained her feelings to me, we would have had discussions, probably arguments, and then a divorce, settled fairly, and you and I could have had as normal a relationship as father-daughter as divorce allows. Instead, she had a plan as convoluted and weird as her plans for one of our Spring Break trips to the West coast of Florida, and once a plan is set in her head, she will not allow for any deviation, because it will show her and others that she is capable of being wrong.

We always used to fly Midwest Express to Tampa, rent a car, and drive to Siesta Key.

One year, she decided that it was more chic to fly American Airlines to Miami, and then take a noisy little 2 engine puddle-jumper from Miami to Sarasota, then rent a car and drive to our condo. No amount of logic would dissuade her. Jackie told her that coach in a crowded, late American Airlines plane was more fashionable than first class service aboard Midwest Express. Since Jackie had never flown Midwest Express, she had no idea of anything she was talking about.

Jackie is about "cheap" and manipulation. She and her husband and their witless child flew AA in the coach section, paid for the trips with frequent flier miles she earned from making credit card purchases for things her customers paid her cash for, and when they got to Florida, they stayed in the house she conned her parents into buying, and then bought the things to decorate it using her AA credit card. Once again, she earned more AA frequent flier miles, was paid in cash, and had a free place to stay in Florida. She also never had to rent a car because she would use her parents' car.

Your mother wanted to have a "glamourous Jackie" adventure to Florida too..........

Our AA flight was late departing O'Hare, and late arriving in Miami, and late getting a gate. We had to sit in that plane on the ground for a very long time. Instead of a hot lunch served on real china, we picked up a sandwich bag as we boarded the cramped plane at O'Hare. Our AA plane was late arriving at the gate at O'Hare and late boarding, and late taking off. We had to wait at the airport in Miami for 3 hours for our connecting flight. That flight was also late arriving, late departing, noisy, and crowded. Your mother carried a white Nautica pullover of mine onto the flight since I carried everything else. When the flight landed in Sarasota, she forgot it, but blamed me for being careless.

I observed to her that I still had ALL of the things I had carried......hers, yours, and mine. Somehow.....the loss of that very nice article of clothing was still assigned to me.

A trip which usually took about 6 - 7 hours from start to finish ended up taking an entire day.....about 10 - 12 hours, and we got a beater rental car from the very few which were available at Sarasota. I wonder if you still remember that?

I had to cancel our Midwest Express reservations and car reservations so that your mother could fly the same airline as her friend Jackie did.... and that would allow her to feel equal to Jackie. When she went to Florida, Jackie went to Ft. Lauderdale, and flew directly into the Ft. Lauderdale airport and was met there by her parents. The fact that we were going to the OTHER side of Florida and that a connecting flight would add HOURS to our "adventure" was lost on your mother.

I really started this to tell you that I love you, miss you, and will be forever sad that I was prevented from contributing to your life. You are ALWAYS welcome to live with us in La Jolla.

(ps....Morgan is graduating from college in a couple months..........she lived with her father and his millionaire family for about 6 months after he and Laura divorced. That was about all that she could stand.....she flew back to California, lived with her mother, went to college, got a job, and now is ready to graduate..........it CAN be done!!)

I love you Amy

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