BUBDADDY'S SECRET PLACE

2006-10-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

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2006-10-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

"The person giving you the finger believes that he and his two cohorts have the right to dig up National Park Service land (paid for by you and your taxes) so that the three of them can stick a few hundred cheap houses together and sell them for a huge profit!"
They care nothing about the men who died during the Battle at Harper's Ferry, and care even less about destroying American history.......as long as they can make a huge profit selling rickety little housing tracts.

There's more for you to see................and something YOU can do to stop them!

2006-10-09T09:55:00.000-07:00

The Civil War Attack on Harper's Ferry

You can see what The 3 Land Destroyers have already done to this National Park Service monument, and you can see what they intend to do with the rest of the National Park Service American Civil War battlefield. The 3 Land Destroyers don't care about courage, honor, sacrifice, or history. They care only about MONEY, and they are going to take YOUR American heritage and chop it up and sell it if you turn away from their blatant act of theft and desecration.

2006-10-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

2006-10-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

2006-10-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

If you are not in the business of destroying national monuments for profit, or if you think that it's wrong to do that, print the document below, sign it, date it, and mail it. The other choice is to ignore it and keep watching re-runs of old TV shows or go eat some more food.

The 3 Land Destroyers, and ALL land destroyers (they really aren't "developers"), are counting on you and millions like you to sit on your ass and do nothing.

PROVE TO THEM THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN THEY THINK YOU ARE! SIGN AND MAIL THE PETITION AND STOP THESE GREEDY WEASELS NOW!

2006-10-09T07:27:00.000-07:00

The Land Destroyers Attack on Harper's Ferry

Here you can see that the 3 Land Destroyers and their hired help cut a 2,000+ foot long trench through National Park Service land. You can see National Park Service Ranger telling them to cease their illegal digging, and you can clearly see the National Park Service boundary marker which the 3 Land Destroyers have told their thugs to ignore. What you can't see are the 3 lawyers or the off duty police hired by the 3 Land Destroyers.

Do you think that National Parks exist for the profit of creatures like the 3 Land Destroyers in the picture above?

If not, please print the form below, sign it, and mail it.

THERE IS STILL TIME TO PRESERVE AMERICAN HISTORY BEFORE THE LAND DESTROYERS SMASH IT AND COVER IT WITH STRIP MALLS AND CHEAPLY MADE, POORLY BUILT HOUSES!!

2006-10-09T06:55:00.000-07:00

Three Land Destroyers want you to know what they think about you and your rights and your National Parks which you paid for. They are also very clear about how much they value American history and how much they respect men who fought and died during the American Civil War. The one on the left, in the blue shirt seems to be their chief spokesman. Can you guess what he's trying to say to you?

You've seen what these sneaky finger flipping profiteers did to the battle field at Harper's Ferry - but there's something YOU can do if you don't want to take any of their bullshit........or are you going to let them ruin YOUR history, YOUR parks, and AMERICA's heritage?

2006-10-06T13:34:00.000-07:00

HARPER'S FERRY IS UNDER ATTACK BY AMERICANS....again!!!

This time, the attackers are greedy, slimy builders of cheap houses that all look alike and all begin to fall apart almost as soon as they are "completed".

These three individuals call themselves Real Estate "Developers". Stop and think about that for a little while and you'll see that they use the word "developers" instead of "destroyers", or even "greedy profiteers".

How would you feel if men and heavy construction equipment dug a trench across your family's burial site?

How would you like to see Yellowstone or Yosemite National Parks turned into strip malls and trailer parks?

The three offending "Real Estate Destroyers" sent crews of workers with heavy construction equipment, off duty police, and three lawyers so that they could rip up a famous American Civil War battlefield. The crew of vandals arrived before the Saturday sun had risen.......on a day when no judge was working. Since no judges were working, there was no legal way to prevent the three "Real Estate Destroyers" and their thugs from tearing up the Harper's Ferry Battlefield.

They told the National Park Service rangers to "get out of the way, even though the Park Service has jurisdiction on the land.

Short of shooting the three Real Estate Destroyers, their police thugs, and the workers, there was no way to stop them.

Now, GREED has desecrated another American Civil War Battlefield. Now, it's possible that these three Real Estate Destroyers will simply dig up the rest of the battlefield and cover it with cheap little houses and streets named "Jason Lane", "Jessica Way", "Winds of Windsor" and other nauseating things they and their spawn thought of ------ They will do this to every American Civil War Battlefield........UNLESS WE STOP THEM!!!!

GO TO: www.civilwar.org and please be prepared to donate $10, $15, $20, or whatever you can donate so that the Civil War Preservation Trust can buy the battlefields and our American history. If you and I don't do this now, we will never get the chance to do it again.

As soon as I scan it tonight, I'll post a photo of what at least one of the Real Estate Destroyers thinks of you and your American History.............

Please help preserve our parks and monuments.

2006-09-28T17:23:00.000-07:00

Muslims are unfit to live in democratic societies. They are as unlike the rest of humanity as snakes are unlike infant children.

The Pope was wrong when he apologised for telling the truth about Islam and its followers. Muslims have allowed their religion to be hijacked by thugs and rapists and now no one in the non-Muslim world trusts them. No one in the Muslim world can safely trust other muslims. They are bent on violence, havoc, rape, pillaging, looting, kidnapping, beheading, and burning women and children alive.

Until the followers of Islam reclaim their religion from the Islamic thugs who have been committing crimes in the name of Islam, there is no reason for ANYONE to trust them. They should be forced to travel on "Air Islam" with other Muslims. Not more than 100 of them per year should ever be allowed entry to the United States, Great Britain, or any other democratic society.

I would not let snakes into my house. Would you?

signed,

Diego

2006-09-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

Video of Steve Irwin's death was videotaped and copies have been obtained. A copy may appear here soon, although I think it may be too disrespectful to his family to publicise those images. Check back here periodically to see if the idiot's death is going to be posted.

Remember, he was the idiot who dangled his infant in front of a camera for the sole purpose of demonstrating what an idiot he was, and that he could make money by being a greater fool than previously thought. I'm not buying into the "Mr. Irwin's legacy as a great conservationist".

Check back for the images.

2006-04-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

Note to Republican(mostly) business owners -

Your income, your family's income, your retirement, and your overall well-being depends on how well you can lie to yourselves about the illegal Mexicans you continue to hire to work for you.

Republicans are always the first to pull out the American flag, swear allegiance to "American principles", declare fealty to the Constitution, and vote for the candidate who promises to reduce government spending on the elderly, the sick, the homeless, the working poor, and others who are not as well off as you are.

In short, once your business has profited by wearing out those groups of people, you are eager to dispose of them as if they were worn out brakes.

You vote for the candidate who wants to wage protracted wars on some unlucky group of people, somewhere far away from your home. The wars waged will almost always benefit you and your business in ways which are not immediately obvious.

What is obvious is that no senior Republican of the George Bush government has any children fighting in Iraq or Afghanistan. What is also obvious is that young people of predominantly black or Mexican parentage are being shipped overseas to get their legs and faces blown off.

Why do they go?

There are no more middle class jobs in America because Republicans, ever greedy for more money and higher profits and lower costs have closed their American offices, factories, call centers, and so on. A kid who gets out of high school has no job skills which are salable in the America you've created under the George Bush administration, so they gamble with their lives and join the military. A high school education in America is about the same as a seventh grade education in Korea. From the days of winning global wars against genuine enemies and putting men on the moon, America has been sucked nearly lifeless by unrestricted, government-assisted Republican greed.

How did the banking business get away with raising interest on credit cards to more than 18%? Credit cards are little else than government-aided usury. Why does a private conglomerate of private banks control the American economy through the medium of the "Federal Reserve Bank?"

The most prominent American export today is DEATH. We export the tools and weapons of death around the world. We export our youth to do the killing required by a dark side of George Bush, a man who ran like a scared cat when America asked him to go serve his country in Viet Nam.

In fact, NO senior Republican in the present administration has ever served America in a war. Somehow, they ALL managed to be FAR AWAY from the fighting - yet they are happy to send others to be mangled or killed. Only Senator John McCain has a military combat record he can verify, but Karl Rove, the Republican character assassin and executioner of careers, saw fit to smear McCain at a time when the American public wanted to know why George Bush ran away from serving America in military service.

Why do we continue to let politicians send American youth off to fight and die when those same politicians wouldn't fight to defend America when their country needed them? Where did they hide? How did they get away with it?

Mr. Cheney and Mr. Rumsfeld are tough individuals. People in Washington fear them. People in Washington seem to have been genetically spliced with poultry. Government employees and the policians who are charged with leading us are apparently as afraid of almost everything as Chicken Little was afraid that the sky was falling! Mr. Cheney and Mr. Rumsfeld are NOT tough men........they are little men who learned how to frighten people and rose to their present positions by stepping on the faces of others.

We Americans are dumbly following a spineless coalition of slugs, chickens, weasels, snakes, cockroaches, and barking dogs.

We are to blame because we keep making the same mistake of assuming that one day one of them will be honest enough to "turn the country around".

We are to blame because we keep saying "Why vote for anyone if they're all corrupt?" In the last weekend, I heard four people say that.

We are to blame because we don't DEMAND that judges try cases on ACTUAL MERIT and LOGIC rather than a legalistic, inane interpretation of law they learned as lawyers.

We are to blame because we are willing to accept corruption and mediocrity as long as it doesn't harm our businesses, our station in life, our families, our retirement, or any aspect of day to day life in our comfortable homes.

Republicans - you have failed the most basic tests of morality. As a group, your failure to further the American legacy of excellence is more horrible and grotesque than anything I could have imagined.

Now you're pulling out the American flag again, to conceal your practice of hiring illegal Mexicans. Soon, your president Bush will be on TV, mouthing inane Rovian drivel. He doesn't know what he's saying........the words appear on his teleprompter and he reads them. None of us believes anything he says. Those who say they support the President will admit privately that they have to say that, or that they feel "unpatriotic" saying that they don't agree with him.

He is not the President in the classic sense of presidents past - he is merely the leader of liars.

2005-06-06T16:45:00.000-07:00

Are you having trouble with any of these?

CoolWWW
Atwola
Instant Search
Cool Web Search
HomeOldSp
Maxserving
Zestyfind
about:blank
aboutblank
trojan horse 4.AO
Startpage.4.A
LopDotCom
Zedo
Tribalfusion
virtual card for you
Hitbox
atwola cookies
NetStats
Hack Army Trojan
TKBell.exe

Maxserving (seems to be the source of most of these pests) If you have CoolWWW, then you may also have HomeOldSP, and Maxserving is what put all that garbage on your PC. Only GhostSurf Pro can block Maxserving.

TKBell is a valid REAL Player file and doesn't need to be deleted. If you're concerned about TKBell.exe - just delete your RE

If you see this message: "Warning - Your computer has been infected with the RPC Doom Virus." "Press HERE to disinfect", do not press anything to "disinfect". If you press the button to disinfect your computer, you are actually opening the door to your PC for all kinds of scams, redirects, homepage hijackers, and more of thetrash that's out there.

The RPC Doom Warning is just an annoying pop-up ad. You can get rid of it by opening the Windows Task Manager (ctrl+alt+delete). And doing the following:
Click once on the RPC Doom Warning in the Task Manager Window
Then click "End Task"
The "Warning" will go away.......but it will be back. Read on for ways to protect your PC.

Have you heard about MY DOOM?

You can avoid MY DOOM infection by never opening an attachment from an address you do not know, keeping anti-virus software updated, using a personal firewall and downloading the latest patches.

If you have received an email (usually from a friend), stating that they have unknowingly sent you a virus......do not search for jdbe.exe, or jdbg.exe as they ask you to do. Both of those are valid Windows files. You will find them if you look for them because they are a part of Windows. DO NOT DELETE THEM. If you've already deleted them, it probably won't matter, but if you want them back, you can always reload Windows and restore/repair the files.

There are many different ways to eliminate these pests, but there is no single way to eliminate them and KEEP THEM FROM INFESTING YOUR PC unless you follow the suggestions outlined below.

For the rest of you who have been infected, infested and bothered by CoolWWW and all of its variants listed above.....read on!I've been going to infected websites everywhere using an older Pentium PC a neighbor gave me after her husband died. I've been having fun finding ways to not only get rid of home page hijackers, but to KEEP THEM AWAY!!

Most of the software I'm going to recommend is free, and you can download it from the secure links in this post.

Two of the software programs are not free, but they are worth their price because they are so totally effective.

The system I've developed for clearing out the pests listed above is as follows:

1. I use GhostSurf Pro all of the time on the PC I'm using to write this because it CONCEALS MY IP ADDRESS and prevents spammers and viral idiots and spyware from infesting my computer.

It's not free, but I believe it is the most effective weapon against having control of your PC taken away from you. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, I've placed a secure link to the company which produces it. If you want to be finally rid of aggravation.....you will benefit from ordering it.When you get it, click on everything and see for yourself, the power it restores to you.

It also allows you to surf anonymously through "invisible" hubs, and has several handy data destroying features. Whether you are a surfer of naughty sites, or just want to have control of your own PC, GhostSurf Pro is the BEST program I've found.The only negative aspect of GhostSurf Pro that I'm aware of is that it slows internet search activity slightly, but since the other choice is having my PC altered or hijacked, I choose to use GhostSurf Pro and go a little slower.

2. Sometimes, I turn off GhostSurf Pro, because it won't let me go to sites which will infect my PC ("isn't that why I bought it???") Almost as soon as I disable ANONYMIZER, my home page gets changed, usually to CoolWWW or CoolWebSearch, Zestyfind, or Search.cc.

HomeOldSp is always found when any of those other pests appear. As soon as this happens, I reactivate GhostSurf Pro, then I click on BHO Demon, which you can download from this secure link. There's a helpful tutorial at the site to show you how to use BHO Demon. The object of BHO Demon is to disable the BHO (Browser Helper Object), which is the code which redirects your PC to the pests we're talking about here. It's FREE!!

3. The next step is to run HiJack This! You can download it securely from this link to the program's author. This step is a little tricky because you're going to have to decide which lines you should remove by placing a check mark in the box at the beginning of each line of code. My rule is that I delete ANYTHING which does not have a LEGITIMATE product name in it. If I see a line which contains MSMSGS.EXE in it, I always delete it and it has never done anything to impair any of my PC's capabilities. It seems to be an attempt to hide a nasty " .exe" file in your registry. It's actually a bit of Microsoft(MS) code which MicroSoft has decided that we need, whether or not we want to use their Instant Messaging system.

Place a check mark next to anything you want to remove and click "FIX CHECKED ITEMS".

You'll get a warning that you're about to remove a BHO. Do it! That's the point of this exercise! If you accidentally remove something you need, you can always reload the program and restore anything you shouldn't have removed. After a few tries, you'll begin to recognize the code and the tricks used to camouflage the pests.

Be alert and pay close attention to your TYPING SKILLS. There is a malicious site named " merijin.org ". The legitimate site is " merijn.org ", and it is the creator of HiJack This! software. Look again at the spelling of the site names.........be careful!HiJack This! is FREE!!

4. The next step on the path to cleaning your PC and regaining control of it is to use one of my long-time favorites. Ad-aware is made by Lavasoft, a Swedish company and in my opinion, it is one of the very best pieces of FREE pest removal software that's available. The "secret" to using Ad-aware (and all other pest removal programs)is to update it at least once a week. I check for updates every day! You can download Ad-aware from this secure link to Lavasoft.Click on the Ad-aware box at the left of the Lavasoft home page and you'll be taken to the free download site.

5. Finally, my absolute favorite for cleaning up everything left behind by the other programs is Pest Patrol. It is your final guarantee that there is NOTHING left on your PC after you've taken the steps described above. It is not free, but like ANONYMIZER, it is worth its price because it assures you that you are in control of your PC. PestPatrol." You can order Pest Patrol it from the company which produces it by clicking this secure link.

As with Ad-aware, it is of the utmost importance that you update it daily, or at least weekly.

DO NOT DOWNLOAD ANY PROGRAMS FROM ANY SITE YOU ARE NOT 100% CERTAIN OF, NO MATTER HOW LEGITIMATE IT MAY APPEAR.

Many sites offer free downloads of Cool Web Shredder. Many of those sites are frauds, and are merely conduits for Cool WWW and Cool Web Search.

If you have been alarmed by the RPC Doom Virus Detected Pop-up "Warning", DO NOT CLICK THE "DISINFECT" TAB!! Instead, press Ctrl-Alt-Del and highlight the warning in the Windows task manager. Click "End Task". If you've already clicked "Disinfect" you've almost surely downloaded something nasty, so read on and you'll learn how to get rid of it - forever!

If you have any concerns about the health of your PC, go to this link and download AVG.

You can download a trial version for free! It's THE BEST anti-virus software in the world. After your trial has expired, I recommend that you purchase the product and enjoy the peace of mind of knowing that your system is safe from viruses, and safe from Norton, and safe from McAfee.

It's an EXCELLENT, COMPREHENSIVE anti-virus tool which does not screw up Windows like Norton or McAfee do. It's also FREE. If you keep AVG updated daily, you should not have any more trouble with infections. AGAIN.....do not download it from any site other than Grisoft's site. There is a secure link at

If you do, you are inviting TROUBLE!!. Another secure, comprehensive virus scan of your computer can be made by clicking this link to Trend Micro, which has a highly respected FREE product called Housecall. At this time, I don't recommend using any of the other free utilities.

The steps I've outlined above will restore control of your PC to you!
Microsoft can't get rid of Cool WWW and the other Home Page Hijackers!!
Norton can't get rid of Cool WWW and the other Home Page Hijackers!!
MacAfee can't get rid of Cool WWW and the other Home Page Hijackers!!

My personal experience has shown that MacAfee and Norton cause far more problems than they solve. I cut up my Norton and McAfee discs and mailed them to the shareholders of their respective manufacturers.

Their customer service is non-existant, and if you use their software, you will quickly be forced to pay more money for the right to speak with someone in India who will thank you profusely for calling (after you've been on hold for 30 minutes to 4 hours), and then will read nonsense from a book and thank you a few dozen more times.

After all of that- - - - you're still infected, your operating system has been irreversibly altered by Norton or McAfee - - - and they will ask for more money to undo the damage their software continues to do.

By using the techniques I've described here, I have been able to see every attempt made by sites to Hijack my home page, and I've been able to see every site which attempts to place a tracking cookie on my computer, and I've been able to block them before they can do their dirty work. I've also been able to keep sites from placing images and popups on my computer. I've set ANONYMIZER so that it automatically blocks all new attempts to gather ANY information from my computer, or change my homepage. It also wipes out all traces of my private online surfing. No one can build a profile of me from my personal online browsing, and I like that feature of ANONYMIZER very much! IF you decide to purchase ANONYMIZER, order it ONLY from an authorized ANONYMIZER link, such as the one at the bottom of this page. Any other source of ANONYMIZER may be a copy containing the trojans and spyware you are trying to eliminate****

2005-03-29T18:46:00.000-08:00

Hi Amy!

Just a very short note to tell you that Laura and I saw Ray and enjoyed it. Her younger brother used to play trumpet in his band! From what he said, Ray was not a very nice person most of the time, so I guess the movie was accurate. Not much else happening here.....went walking around the village getting tan and "healthy" looking.

Gotta go............we're going to watch "Anchorman" Netflix is great! (Addendum: "Anchorman" was a waste of time. "Anchorman" is what the word "Trite" endeavours to define. A few 12 year old boys with potty mouth and a video camera may have made that movie. but I suspect that it was made by people with less talent.

Hope you're allowed to at least go to the mall during Spring Break!!!! Would love it if Wayne stepped up and got your mother to allow us to have contact.

with all of my love,

Bub

2005-03-26T09:14:00.000-08:00

Hi Amester!

It's been a while since I wrote anything here so I thought I'd post a little "Hello" to let you know that I'm still here and thinking about you. As soon as I reload a program, I'll post some recent pics.......

It seems that emotional rigor mortis has set in and taken effect on your mother. I have held to the hope that Wayne would encourage her to behave like a normal parent involved in a divorce, but maybe he, too, abused his children as she has abused you, or he is too weak, or she is too strong. Or all of the foregoing.

I still wonder how he would feel if his ex-wife had stolen his kids and denied all contact with them............and I wonder how, if he thinks that he's normal, can he condone her treatment of you, and of me.

She can still relent and encourage a more normal relationship with me, or be forever defined by her bizarre, crazed, manic behavior. I don't know how else I can tell her that I don't want to participate in this hateful behavior of hers.

I think that it is too late for her, and that she will be forever linked to cruelty, child abuse, obsessive-compulsive behavior, a need to control people, and general mental sicknesses which may have been created by having had to live in a house of rage and stupor with her alcoholic father and mother when she was young. She is showing you the rage buried beneath her surface every day of her life. You're too close to see it, but everyone else sees it. Resolve that you will NOT be anything like her when you finally break free of her...............she is not a person to emulate.

Yesterday, Laura and I walked three blocks to the heart of the village so she could shop for shoes. I've always walked past those expensive shoe stores and handbag boutiques and have never gone into any of them. I have never seen an $8,000 price tag on a pair of shoes!! Laura didn't choose those, but was successful in her shoe hunt.

We walked along the coast, pausing to look at the waves, the ocean swimmers, the snorkelers, the seals, and the amazing beauty of this place. Her leg is healing well, but too slowly to suit her. We sat on the rocks and just watched the world go by in all its colours and languages and nuances. La Jolla one of the most cosmopolitan places I've ever lived in! Italians, Iranians, Australians, Lebanese, Russians, Bolivians, Chinese,Argentinians, Germans..............everything!

It's Spring Break in lots of places around here, and Pacific Beach, Mission Beach, and Ocean Beach are all filled with mobs of young people who've just broken out of months of high school and collegiate tedium. Even upscale little La Jolla is full of good looking young people, energetically celebrating their youth and freedom. I don't know if you're doing anythomg over your Spring Break....probably have to wear a prisoner ankle bracelet or be chained to a chair in the living room and given the freedom of 3 potty breaks a day. I'm kidding of course, but I hope that wherever you are and whatever you do, she begins to allow you more freedom to explore life. You've earned it in ways that she never could, and never did. If she doesn't give it to you, you will do what she did - you'll take it with more than normal intensity!

(Ask her why she did so much of what she did as soon as she got to little Lincoln College!)

She used to tell me that she behaved that way because her parents were so restrictive. She can't see that she's more repressive than her parents.

Well, enough of her, you already know what she's done, and what she is like. So does she, and like her alcoholic parents, she denies that she has a problem, even though the rest of the world can see that she is a behavioral drunkard in a different way. Wayne enables her behavior. I wonder what he gets from his role as the "enabler" in their relationship? There....I've done it again.........she's still an intrusive presence, even from 2,000+ miles away. She's done a lot of harm to you and you will need time and help to recover from her.

I hope you'll be able to have a good Spring Break.

With all of my love,

Bub

2005-03-14T08:48:00.000-08:00

The flowers get a few days to bloom once each year to before the heat kills them. The more it rains, the more flowers bloom and the longer they last. This year there has been an exceptional amount of rain.

2005-03-14T08:43:00.000-08:00

Me and "trusted trekking pole" at the exit to The Slot.

2005-03-14T08:38:00.000-08:00

Blooming ocotillo - the green leave conceal huge thorns!

2005-03-14T08:36:00.000-08:00

A lone ocotillo blooming near Glorieta Canyon (Where I skinned my hand) Soon, the greenery will be replaced by brown, and the clouds and rain may not return for many years.

2005-03-14T08:32:00.000-08:00

A scary-looking old Manzanita tree at the top of Jasper Trail..........note the clouds and the mist! It's raining in the desert!

2005-03-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

Looking straight up from the bottom of The Slot

2005-03-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

Laura's pushing this boulder out of her way!

2005-03-03T13:00:00.000-08:00

It would normally be time for Laura and me to be thinking of returning to the desert, since it's been two weeks since we were last there. The flowers are near their peak right now, but we can't go!!! Some of our friends from back there are visiting us in La Jolla planning to buy a home here. They'll keep the place in Kenilworth for the near future, but they have fallen in love with our little village by the sea.

The timing is fortuitous, since Laura can't really do much walking for a while. She takes yoga in Bird Rock, and was ready to move up to the next level when they asked her to test a machine. She obliged, but tore a calf muscle as she stepped up to it. Having torn a calf muscle myself about six months ago, I feel able to assist her, both physically and spiritually. That being said, she's still pretty miserable. It hurts!

The last time we were out in the desert, I spotted a tiny barrel cactus with one tiny flower. It was growing out of the side of a huge boulder, about 20 feet above the ground. Since I had my new trekking pole, I felt that I could get up and down the steep incline of the side of the boulder with no trouble. I got to the top, and reached into my pocket to retrieve my camera. As I did so, my balance shifted slightly so I pushed my trekking pole into the rock for added support, placing almost all of my weight on it.

The pole held for a millisecond, and then began to collapse, telecoping into itself. As I began my fall to earth, I said to myself "There is nothing to do but fall!" I did that with as much aplomb as I could summon. On my way to the bottom I left a streak of blood and gore as I tore most of the skin off of the palm of my right hand and wrist. To my amazement, the flesh under the skin looks a lot like steak! I cleaned it as well as I could in the middle of the desert, and then we drove home.

Later that night, Laura drove me to Urgent Care at Scripps. The hand had become inflamed and infected and most painful. It reminded me of how my soul and spirit felt in the presence of my ex-wife. A doctor and two nurses came in and cut off a lot of skin which was hanging in tattered flaps.

To my delight that they didn't suggest washing it out with alcohol! Instead, they squirted it with a Lidocaine jelly, which numbed much of the pain, but that much concern about pain suggested that they had more painful, more invasive plans.

I was right.

Like dentists, they waited for the anesthetic to do its work, and then came in and for the next 20 minutes, they dug bits of Borrgeo quartz out of my hand. It's almost healed now, and I'm going to go back up the same rock, but I'm going check that my pole is 100% LOCKED before I do that again! Also, I'm going to buy a pair of leather gardening gloves!

I'll put a couple of pics of that trip here as soon as I can.

with all of my love,

Bub

2005-02-28T19:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Amy,

I had a dream last night in which we finally met. It was very awkward, and your mother kept trying to intrude. She was angry that we were finally together. In the dream, you were angry, and I was angry, and your mother was near apoplectic. It was the most uncomfortable dream I've ever had. I was unsure whether I could entrust my heart and sensibilities to you, and so I was reluctant. You were angry about car insurance, and I took my cue from that level of emotional attachment and we never got to anything kind or loving. Your mother was forced to leave the restaurant by the manager, but she stood outside the window, raging and making wild, jerky movements.

I awakened feeling sick. It seemed that you had become a little voodoo Judy. As I write this, I am still much shaken by that dream as I don't want to think that you could ever become anything like her. If I never see you again, I will always hope that you were able to become your own person. I know that it was just a dream, and I regard dreams as the machinations of the mind when it is not constrained by the expectations of societal convention.

I still cling to hope for the future, but I must tell you that it is very lonely and oppressively sad out here...............waiting for a reunion which may never come, or which may fall far short of my lowest expectations. Laura received calls today from each of her children. In one day, she had more communication with her kids than I've had with you in six years.

Since I first wrote here that Wayne is a perfect profile match for an al Qaeda operative, I've been contacted by agencies of our government and those of foreign governments. The oddest contact was made by an agency from Thailand. Since they are fearful of an Islamic uprising in their southern provinces, they wanted to know more about him. Each person has been escorted by someone from the US. I was astonished at first that anyone had even read this little blog, but then after I thought about it, I realized that they use bots to scan for key words such as "Wayne is an American citizen working for al Qaeda".

I haven't been watching Beaver cams because it's too depressing to see little images of you flickering about. The image of my hatchet faced ex-wife with a mushroom-shaped ice bag on her head and a thermometer sticking out of her craggy face still haunts me. It's the worst thing I could imagine ever seeing, and I managed to resurrect that image when there must be lots of lovely images of people being eaten by sharks! I suppose that she is another prime reason for avoiding Beaver Street TV!

Time to go............

with all of my love,

Bub

2005-02-16T20:00:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of The Slot - it gets narrower!

2005-02-16T19:59:00.000-08:00

Laura moving through The Slot

2005-02-16T19:58:00.000-08:00

Walking below, one wonders "When will this fall??"

2005-02-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

Halfway up a wall in The Slot on Feb 6 - note trekking pole!

2005-02-16T19:48:00.000-08:00

For Amy.....the peaceful and happy shrine of The Slot....made of rocks rounded by thousands of years of wind-driven sand.

2005-02-15T14:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Amy,

Just a quick note to let you know that I'm still here, and still thinking about you. My memory of details seems to be more clouded lately, but I will never forget you, or stop loving you. I have been trying to remember the name of the thing the Vikings were looking for when we saw that show on TV in Puerto Rico, and tried to remember that place that had fresh popcorn. I've tried to remember how many seasons I coached your soccer teams, and whether we ever won any games?

I'm sorry to see that your knee is still not 100% and hope it gets better soon. I hope it can repair fully. It is further proof that she will push you or anyone else until they break......or push them off of a cliff if it suits her purpose! You told her repeatedly that your knee hurt yet she made you continue to practice and perform on it until it was finally damaged enough so that you can't dance anymore . She did that to me a few times too.....even when I broke my foot, and even after I cracked a few ribs, and even after I tore a few ligaments. The irony here is that she used to awaken me with her whining every time she had a sore throat or a cold. If she got the sniffies, she needed ice bags, thermometers, tea, honey, cough drops, heating pads, special Kleenex, meals in bed.........................she's really a wimp ("Steve........wake up...I don't feel good"). The memory of her hatchet face with a thermometer stuck in it and an ice bag on her head is the first image of her I've had in years. God, I wish I hadn't remembered that! If her eyes were any closer, she'd be a Cyclops.

I used to wonder why she had to wake me up to tell me that she had a cold!!

Not being God (or even a doctor), there was nothing I could do about her cold, but she felt compelled to awaken me EVERY time she felt ill..............

You and I weren't permitted to be injured or ill.

I'm guessing that the time she's spending with you at events is to show the community what a good mommy she is. The community knows otherwise, and many of the neighbors in the old neighborhood and several in Gregg's Landing contacted me to let me know that you could stay with them if she threw you out of the house as she threatened to do. The neighbors know what she is like.....they just don't know what she is!

I'll be thinking of you as you approach the big day in June.
Oh well...........gotta go and get a haircut. I'm looking forward to meeting Wayne

With all of my love from 2,000+ miles away,

Bub - Your loving father (I don't know if you still say "Daddy")

(recent digipics from the desert to appear here soon)

2005-02-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

To get rid of most "adware" and "spyware" read the following: (excerpted from PC World)

Spybot Search and Destroy v1.3

Search your hard disk for so-called spybots or adbots, the modules that are responsible for showing ads and transmitting information back to vendors. If Spybot Search and Destroy finds such modules, it will remove them or replace them with empty dummies. In most cases, the host software still runs after removing the bot. Among the adbots Spybot targets: Aureate, CLPRS, Comet Cursors, eZula HotText, Gator, GoHip, Radiate, WebHancer, and WildTangent.

Spybot also removes your usage tracks (last visited Web sites, opened files, started programs, and cookies), so even spybots that are unknown can't transmit this private information. The program supports all three major browsers: Internet Explorer, Netscape Communicator, and Opera. Download

Visit Center for Democracy and Technology (CDT) to check on the latest developments in the American efforts to eliminate adware and spyware. Participate!! Regain control of your computer, your privacy, and your enjoyment of the internet!

Check this link to SLASHDOT for info about "the worst adware, malware, and spyware".

2005-02-08T07:35:00.000-08:00

JDBE.EXE virus
JDBG.EXE virus
RPC Doom Virus
You've been infected with RPC Doom virus

Cool Web Search
Lopdotcom
C2 Media

CoolWWW

The first 4 of the above are virus hoaxes. The last 4 are home page hijackers. Read on to learn about them.

If you want to do something about SPYWARE, HOME PAGE HIJACKING, and SPAM, go to send this URL to your friends, and tell them the virus is a hoax.

If you have already found and deleted those files, don't worry. Your computer probably never used them anyway. If you want to, you can reinstall Windows and the files will be restored.

If you get a warning that the RPC Doom Virus has been found on your computer, it's a STUPID POP UP AD. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del and the Windows Task Manager will appear.
Click on the RPC Doom Warning in the Task Manager Window, and then click on "End Task" at the lower left of the Task Manager window. The warning will go away. Use the popup killer from 12 Ghosts to prevent this from happening again.

If your HOME PAGE has been changed (high jacked), download Ad-Aware from Lavasoft. Also download Spybot, Spysweeper, and Hijack This. They can all be found on Google, and all are FREE! I just used each of them to clear out all traces of an annoying Home Page Hijacker called HOMEOldSP.

It took repeated attempts to eliminate it, but the latest update to Lavasoft's Ad-Aware seemed to be the only one which eliminated it, and it seemed to have attached itself to an old version 12 Ghosts Popup Killer which I had been using, which I have now removed. I will download the newest version because I've found. 12Ghosts to be an excellent piece of free software. The 12 Ghosts Washer is an efficient, free way to remove unwanted files from the cache.

SpySweeper was able to remove SPYWARE and ADWARE (Like CoolWWW) and remnants of spyware which other programs had previously not removed completely.

www. tomcoyote.com has good advice on getting rid of these pests who think that if they change our computer home page, we will like them and will buy products from them.

I suggest that we all refuse to support popups by blocking them or using the Task Manager technique to get rid of them.

Every time you click anything on a popup(Including the "X" to close the pop-up window), the website owner has proof of your traffic, and reports your visit as an increase in their website traffic, which lures stupid advertisers to pay them to infest the web with more pop ups. Use the task manager trick to get rid of the pop ups, or use a SAFE popup killer to prevent them.

Many of the "pop up killers" contain spyware or viruses. From what I've read, almost ALL of the pop up killers from xxx sites contain spyware, viruses, or some other kind of data miners.

I recommend using all of the above programs at least once a week to keep your system "clean". Remember, they are all FREE!!

Send this URL to the person who sent you the fake viruses, and to others on your mailing list and maybe we can get rid of this rubbish and prevent people from panicking.

This link will take you to a page which is dedicated to the removal of SPYWARE.

If your homepage has been replaced by Cool Web Search, or CoolWWW, check this link for info on how to get rid of it.

Spysweeper, by Webroot, has a "shield" which will protect your homepage from garbage like "CoolWWW". After running Spysweeper and deleting the parasitic software, click on "Options" and activate the Home Page Shield.

Remember, NEVER open a POP UP AD, and tell everyone on your mailing list not to either. In fact, tell that to everyone you know. If people don't open the ads.....they will go away.

2005-02-07T07:52:00.000-08:00

*
*
*
If you've got trouble with Startpage.4.AP, you are going to also have trouble with CoolWWW, Cool Web Search, LopDotCom,Maxserving,HomeOldSp, Zestyfind, Zedo, Tribalfusion, Alexa, Xupiter,PSW Tofger.2.AR, js.search.cc, and Startpage.4.AP (which now has now spawned, Startpage.4.AO). Startpage.4.AO is not substantially different from any of the other garbage which has taken over your PC, but the reality is that you're going to have to spend some money to PERMANENTLY get rid of all of these pests, and you're going to have to spend some more to PREVENT THEM FROM RE-INFESTING your PC.

If you scroll down, you'll see that I've listed what I feel are the best FREE programs, and I've also stated that they have to be used in conjunction with several other free programs, and have to be updated daily. After wasting hours trying to find the "perfect FREE program" I finally bought GhostSurf Pro, and then later bought PestPatrol.

My home page hasn't been changed, and I have dug out the little bits of malicious code which go unseen by the free programs, and are left behind after you think you've just cleaned your system. Those little bits of code regenerate the home page hijackers after you think you've finally defeated them and gotten control of your PC again. The next day - your home page has been changed again and now you're angrier and more frustrated than ever!

I used PestPatrol (see the link in the post below)to eradicate the hijackers which had been hiding in my PC, and I use GhostSurf Pro to block them from re-infesting my PC. GhostSurf also eliminates pop-ups!

There are secure links to all of the free programs if you want to try them (I wasted a lot of time using all of them and none of them was effective for more than a day). Be VERY certain that you download ALL programs from the authors. There are several sites which offer free downloads, but the programs they offer are
versions of legitimate software which have been altered to include the same garbage you're trying to get rid of.

I've placed secure links on this site for GhostSurf Pro (at the bottom of this page), and for PestPatrol if you decide that you're done wasting your time muddling about with the free stuff and simply want to free your computer of the invaders.

Lavasoft's Ad-aware, and AVG are the only free programs I know of which seem to be consistently effective, but neither will get rid of CoolWWW and all of the other pests. AVG is so good at anti-virus defense that I actually threw Norton SystemWorks in the garbage because of frequent clashes it had with Windows.

See recent posts, and the post of April 21, 2004 for more info, and for secure links.

*
*
*

2005-02-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*
>
> BOGUS VIRUS WARNING GOING AROUND - it looks like this:

> "URGENT! FIXABLE Virus jdbe.exe - sorry for inconvenience"
>

If you receive an email about a virus called JDBE, or JDBG - delete the email - DO NOT follow the instructions to search for it so that you can destroy it. Searching for the virus could activate a virus if there is one!! In this case, there is NO virus.

Just delete the email, and tell your friends to do the same.

2005-01-15T07:43:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have the Startpage.4.AP Trojan horse,

go to this link and download AVG.

DO NOT DOWNLOAD ANY SOFTWARE FROM ANY SITE OTHER THAN THE PUBLISHER OF THAT SOFTWARE, OR A SAFE LINK SUCH AS "TUCOWS"

AVG is FREE and is as good at removing viruses as Norton or MacAfee. It will quarantine and neutralize the Startpage.4.AP Trojan Horse while providing a shield againsst future infection. It is your responsibility to UPDATE AVG frequently.
If you received an email from a friend, apologizing for having sent you the "jdbe.exe" virus, or the "jdbg.exe virus", DO NOT SEARCH FOR THOSE FILES AND DO NOT DELETE THEM.
Those are legitimate files written by Microsoft, and they are an integral part of Windows.

The "jdbe/jdbg.exe" hoax is an old game which seems to be going around again. If you have already searched for those files and deleted them, it probably won't matter much, you can always reinstall Windows or do a system restore.

In the future, get your virus information from more reliable sources.

2005-01-12T06:26:00.000-08:00

To see current photographs of the USS MIDWAY "parked" in downtown San Diego, and learn learn about the most famous aircraft carrier in naval history, click here: U.S.S. Midway

In the first 6 months of operation, USS MIDWAY has had more than 500,000 visitors from around the world, and 25% of visitors to the USS MIDWAY are from countries such as England, China, Japan, Australia, Germany, Ukraine, Sweden, Canada,Holland, and many others!

2005-01-11T13:02:00.000-08:00

*
* (*

As you know, I love you. I love you too much to allow them to lie to you about me or reality, or keep you hidden away, or continue to perpetrate any more of their evil against you.

Remember the latin root of the color code of the stars and their intensities.

I'm having difficulty determining whether you want any contact, or whether your mother and her new husband have BS'ed you into believing that they can monitor all of your activcalls and computer traffic. They can monitor some but not as much as you apparently believe. I can observe more of their lives and words every day than they can ever monitor of yours. Don't allow her to buy or blackmail you with college money. Start to be your own person very soon before she gets away with doing that, because
you can never get back any part of yourself that you sell, and she's trying to buy all of you for a very low price.
*

My senses tell me that you're afraid that they will pull your life apart like they did mine, and if you believe that, then you are most correct. She is cold-blooded and merciless, and so, apparently, is he. To them, the appearance of being "perfect people" is more important than the reality of merely being good people.

*

After having had my life destroyed, I can say now that it is better to have it done while younger rather than older.

*
When you were about 7 or 8, your mother told you that every bad thing you did went into your "permanent record. Your eyes got very big as you imagined all of your unseen transgressions being recorded alongside of the ones which you were caught committing. For years after that, you would ask me if things you did were bad enough to be entered into your "permanent record". It was very cute and innocent then, but it is tragic if you still believe that rubbish today. I explained to you that your "permanent record" was your conscience, not a mystic volume of wrongdoing maintained by an unseen "Master Being". She was willing to lie to you then and she continues to lie to you and anyone else who will listen to her.

*

From where I sit, it seems to me that you are still running from ghosts and living in an illusion, and I hope that you begin to explore the real world before you are as unable to recognize it as your mother has always been.

*

From where I sit, it seems to me that you have chosen to obey her like a dog. I will always be grateful for the first 2 emails you sent me, and for all of the times we had doing things together. I've been watching and listening a little last week, but it's worse than not being able to see you or hear you at all. I want to talk to you and give you a hug. Instead, I can only touch your image on the monitor and say words to your image which is unaware that I see you. The things you say are never in response to the questions I ask or the statements I make to the image of you on the screen. When I touch you, the monitor becomes "watery" and you are distorted..............

*

If you can determine that your freedom is worth more than her subsidies, then you will have taken a large step toward growing up, being able to realize your dreams, and truly being your own person.

That's all for now. Our recent adventures were fun, thrilling, and exhausting. It was good fun to be able to show Laura some of the people and places of my past, and I've always wanted to fly in a private jet, and I've never been to a mountain-top villa, much less a private one, and I've never seen the Rose Parade or seen the game in the Rose Bowl. I think the whole month of travel took all of my strength and I caught the only cold I've ever had in my life. I regret not having been able to meet Wayne, but I still intend to do that.

Watch for the Buick Open on TV later this month and you'll be able to see a bit of La Jolla, and a lot of Torrey Pines! If you see a day-glo green parasail, it's probably the guy from Kenilworth and he'll probably fly into the trees, or go too far inland and lose lift and come down on a green or on a builiding. He's pretty famous for not knowing what he's doing, but he's got as much money as God, so no one seems to care somehow........money is as good as fame!

(Last year, I saw Tiger Woods drive by when I was on my way to the fish market! This year, I'll be flying above him!)

more later,

love,

Bub

2004-11-30T17:23:00.000-08:00

"U.S.S. Midway at Sunset November 28, 2004"

Dear Aime,

I thought about you at Thanksgiving.........still hoping to see your face, hear your voice, and enjoy being with you again. I wonder if Wayne has been wondering how he'd cope with the disappearance of his children? I wonder if he even thinks about that, or whether he'd even care? If he reads this, as I am sure he does on occasion (after all, the letter I sent you with this address was probably intercepted by him or his future ex-wife. I'm certain that it never got to you........but I continue to write to you in the hope that you still manage to look here occasionally. I know that you used to look here, but I'm certain that she's threatened you with something new and evil if you come here again, and Wayne has probably lied to you about how he can check to see if you do.)

Maybe they are good together? As unseemly as it is, it is possible. In grammar, 2 negatives = 1 positive. As I reflect upon that last observation, the reality that the union of 2 snakes = more snakes is probably more apropos in their case.

It is still amazing that a person so incapable of love is allowed to have custody of anything other than an alligator or a sea crocodile!

I haven't been watching Beaver TV for more than a week - we've been busy with Thanksgiving and have been taking walks along the beach and going to San Diego to enjoy the neighborhoods and the Embacadero. I took the Midway photo on Sunday.........we both wore shorts and sandals and talked about you back there in the tundra! Your room and private bathroom are still ready and waiting for you! Life in La Jolla is not so bad, as you'll see when you come here!

We'll get some fresh fish and grill it.....take you to the desert......to the mountains......to the ocean.....go to The Fish Market for some of their incredible clam chowder or Ahi...........just get here and we'll do the rest.

Life on Beaver street is pretty depressing to me now. At first it was a novelty to be able to do it, but now the mere sight of her makes my toes and fingers feel cold. I don't enjoy that, so I don't watch as much. I don't know if they're still looking for my KeyHoles or if they're both just practitioners of extreme oddness. They won't find them for a few years, and if they do, they won't know that they've found them. I'm tempted to give them a phrase to repeat in any location, and then I can tell them where they were when they spoke the phrase. Laura and my lawyer have advised against doing that.

Time to light the grill...........tonight we're having yellowtail marinated in tequila, lime, brown sugar and served with fresh mangoes sprinkled with Pico Guapo! A loaf of fresh sourdough and some fresh veggies!! You should search here for more CoolWWW and Pico Guapo .

Gotta go!

Love,

Bub

ps.......Wayne, here's a question for YOU: How would you feel if your children were ripped away from YOU and KEPT away??? Are you proud of your ongoing complicity in her evildoing? I'm looking forward to meeting you in December so that we can discuss this and other issues.

2004-11-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Aime,

I've been listening to the sadness induced by the loss of a necklace, and it made me think "How insignificant the loss of any thing is compared to the loss of one's child, and the absence of her love."

I'm determined to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas without being drowned in sadness again, but the reality of life is such that I will spend those holidays drowned in the grief of having lost you.

I'm grateful for the memories of all of the times we had together, and I'm grateful for the companionship and love of Laura, and those are the things which make it possible to live without being consumed by the searing, blinding, devastation of the grief of having a child stolen.

Your mother has a leathery heart.

Her new husband is gone so much that I truly believe that he is staying away from her in the same way that I used to when I preferred to mow the lawn and trim the bushes, being constantly bitten by mosquitoes in the swelteringhumidity and heat of July and August. I preferred to be away from her in the wintry forests when the air was so cold that it burned my lungs with each breath. Ultimately, I withdrew from her into the relative comfort of severe depression.

Her heart and mind span the entire range of love and thought, from A to B.

At the time, I didn't realize that I was trying to get away from her. Now, years later, it is most evident, and so obvious that I amaze myself that I failed to realize it. It's like failing to notice a water buffalo is standing in the spot once occupied by one's favorite chair! How did I miss that??

Wayne probably hasn't realized it yet either. Ask him sometime how he would feel if someone stole his kids and he couldn't communicate with them. Ask him how he can fail to see that his new wife's cruelty to you and me is more sick and twisted than the behaviour of most of the people any of us will ever meet in this life.

He can't acknowledge that she is sick, cruel, and twisted because the price of that admission means having to admit that he has been a part of a monster's scheme of torment. It also means that he has to admit to another major mistake in his life. Ask him what he'd feel if his children were stolen and kept from him.

I have digressed. I didn't mean to make my ex-wife the ugly topic of this post, and I'll probably come back and

2004-11-22T19:40:00.000-08:00

"Balboa Park Open-Air Windows - Who needs glass or insulation?"

Hi Aime,

I was just thinking about you and decided to send you an email to say so!~
Have you noticed all of the Oldsmobile Aleros and Chevy Caprice Classic 4 door sedans around your house in the last 2 weeks? Keep an eye out for them when you're coming home or going out.............

German and Portuguese officials have been to visit me about Wayne al Qaeda, and people from the USA and UK are coming on Wednesday. I guess that they are interested in him! I don't understand why the Portuguese were so keen to know about him?

I've wondered what Mr. Avocado must have been told about me for him to become so frightened so easily??? ("You got some 'splainin' to do!")

I saw another Celebrity cruise ship in port and it reminded me of you, Layla, and the Zenith. It also made me think about the El San Juan hotel, coqui frogs, and that crazy movie about the Vikings - what was that thing they were looking for?

We just had 6" of snow fall within 90 miles of here!! Amazing!!! Lots of SoCalifornia kids are
going to the mountains to play on it - they showed pics on TV of kids trying to ride surfboards and trashcans down the sides of mountains near Julian. (No one told them that you're only supposed to use the trash can lid!!) They kids who rolled down inside the garbage cans said they didn't understand how to control the can as it bounced and rolled down the mountains, but each said that they were ".......gonna figure it out and get real good at it!"

We're going to walk down to the beach to enjoy the ocean so I have to stop now - I'll be back soon!

love,

Bub

2004-11-22T10:51:00.000-08:00

If you're here for solutions to CoolWWW, Cool Web Search, Lop Dot Com,TribalFusion, Zedo, TKBell.Exe, Mazxserving, HomeOldSP, or other adware/spyware annoyances, please scroll down to find the answers you're looking for. This site is pimarily devoted to establishing contact with my daughter (adware and spyware are secondary issues here, but the help you seek is in the body of this site!) (TKBell.Exe is a part of your REAL Player software - it is not spyware) If you want to get rid of it, delete REAL Player from your computer.

If you've received an email from SUN TRUST BANK - destroy it! It's not from SUN TRUST BANK. If you look carefully at the URL of the sender, you'll see that it seems to be from:
sun trustbank.com.

Look closer! It's from: sunt rustbank.com

Block the sender and move on.

2004-11-17T16:22:00.000-08:00

"The Open Air Greenhouse at Balboa Park in San Diego"

Hi Amester!

I really don't have any way of knowing whether you're able to check here or not, so I'll continue to write to you here. I was very disappointed by Mr. Avocado. I had hoped to befriend him since we have so much in common. Instead, he behaved poorly, exhibiting bad form, no manners, and, generally, the loutish comportment of a common Mexican thug. That being said, I'm very surprised that he and your mother are not close friends. I'm looking forward to meeting him very soon, and hope that he is less frightened by some quality face time than he was by a simple phone call.

I truly hope that his son is a more civil, person. I give the son the benefit of the doubt in the matter.

Enough of Avocado until I see him!

The sun is shining brightly here, colouring the sky with startling orange, red, pink, purple and pale blue hue as it nears the horizon. The last 3 sunsets have been the most spectacular of all the ones I've ever seen! I've never seen the sky painted with such vivid crimsons and blazing pinks. Clouds on the horizon were rimmed with fiery gold. All that was missing from the sunset each day was the visage of Jesus breaking through the sky!
The intensity of the sunsets has to do with the Santa Ana winds which have been blowing out of the desert. The upper atmosphere is filled with minute specks of sand(dust) and the setting sun paints every little speckwith myriads of blazing colour and each of the billions of particles must have been coloured with every value of the spectrum.

It's warm here - I just walked to the grocery store wearing a Polo shirt, shorts, and sandals. Tomorrow morning, I'll get up and walk to the fish store and pick our dinner from the catch of the day as it arrives! I expect it's getting cold back there now. Every time I go aboard the Midway, I meet people from Illinois, Minnesota, and other cold places. For some reason, it doesn't seem as though the cheddar-heads from WI know about California, or simply choose to stay in WI because of............? (I don't know why). (See the MIDWAY on the Seaport Village Webcam). Since I've been here, I've only seen 8 WI license plates, however it seems that most of Massachussetts is in San Diego!

If you go to the MIDWAY webcam site I linked, do it when it is daylight here or you might see nothing, or only a few harbor lights.

About this time every year I ask myself whether Wayne will ever see the horror of what your mommy is doing andwonder if he will make an effort to end her reign of madness. I know what he does, but I really don't know what he thinks. I think she has him neutered and he can't do anything. I would be willing to meet him to try to bring about an end to the mess she's created.

I'm in the midst of a hot game of internet chess with a worthy opponent, so I'll end here and go finish the rascal!

I want you to know how much I love you.......and that I do have hope of seeing you again.

with all of my love,

Bub

Beautiful Green Plant Backlighted by the San Diego Sun!
(Both photos in this post are from last Sunday)

2004-11-09T18:27:00.000-08:00

If you need help with CoolWWW, Cool Web Search, Lop Dot Com, or any other adware or spyware, you'll have to scroll down a bit to find it - Good Luck!

2004-11-07T17:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Amy,

Just a little note to say "hi" and to tell you that I'm thinking about you more and more as Thanksgiving and Christmas draw closer. I want to send you another gift for Christmas but I'm certain that it will be stolen again, or thrown away. I checked the weather back there today and found that you actually had a nicer day than we did! The temperature was the same, but it was gray and rainy here.

I want you to think about your dreams, and if they seems real to you then believe in them, invest yourself in them, and make them reality. Beaver-Vision has been boring today because the house has been empty. No-one's home!

I'm going to walk down to the beach and watch the sun set. I'll post a few pics here a little later.

Love,

Bub

2004-11-07T07:07:00.000-08:00

Pay particular attention to JUDITH when you think you're safe in bec, or reaching for your socks.

Note the tendency of this creature to foster lingering ulcers and scars.

2004-10-31T19:06:00.000-08:00

Hi Amester!

Today Laura and I and her older daughter drove out for lunch in a little town called Julian. It's about 2,000 meters high, and was still warm, bright and sunny in spite of the time of the year. It's a little like Richmond / Long Grove. Lots of apple pie, lots of cider, lots of fudge, and little else. We go out there for the mountain scenery.

In another month, we will return to Julian, but then it will only be a town on the way to Borrego Springs. With the onset of winter, we will venture back into the desert to explore new vistas and canyons. I still hope to find a rattlesnake, SEE it, and then watch and hear it rattle. I heard a rattlesnake once....in Tustin. I was standing in knee-high brush, wearing shorts, sandals, and a Polo shirt. Suddenly, I heard the unmistakable sound of a rattler and it seemed to be about where my left foot was!

Magically, my next memory was that of standing in the middle of a busy road about 25 meters away!! I have no recollection of getting there...one can surmise that I was plucked by the hand of God and placed there, but the more realistic scenario is that I ran faster than at any time in my life! I had been attempting to take a digipic at the time. When I looked at my photo, I saw that it was blurred more than any photot I had ever taken.

I just want to watch one of the nasty creatures rattle at me, and I have a plan to accomplish that.

Speaking of nasty creatures.......I've watched the old Irritable Bowel herself as she went from room to room shaking her head. What's up with that?!!?? Has she gotten Parkinson's or is she just getting crankier??(If that's possible). It looks like she's saying "no" to the floor, and then the walls, and then the floor again.

Wayne is more fun to observe. He has the habit of trying not to look for what he says isn't there in front of him. He stares away a lot - frequently right at the optic! I wish he would find them so that my "entertainment channel" would be cut off. Like I said last time - I watch even though I don't want to. I'm happy that he hasn't found them because I enjoy being able to see you again. You just aren't there enough to make watching for hours on end a very rewarding activity! (That doesn't mean that I want you to hang around there more)

For some really funky old time music, try to get the Andrews Sisters CD "Rum and Coca Cola". It's so "raw" that it's very cool...........an acquired taste. Laura and I have been having fun dancing in San Diego..........it's very fun, and very romantic. I danced before your mother, and I'm dancing after her...........nothing about her ever was exciting or romantic.

When you are able to function independently of the Irritable Bowel.....we'll talk about EVERYTHING you want to talk about with no rules, restrictions, or limits. Until then, she and the toothy hubby will be watched and recorded at almost every move they make. The Kims have probably contacted an attorney by now, and Coldwell Banker is probably in the middle of assessing their own liability............I'm happy to help the moral side in this cause (they lied and will HAVE to pay for their profiteering and for being disingenuous!)

Until then, I have to be creative, and am finding new ways to study them. My "research" has turned up a couple of Wayne's financial issues. NEVER underestimate the POWER of information or the ease with which it may be obtained! I'd be way happier if we could just pick up a phone and talk....but since we can't, I continue to dig into their lives in every way I can, and that is taking me deeper into Wayne's past.........and some "interesting" things he's done.

Get free of her soon - I'd hate to die before we have a chance to talk. If I do, I've prepared an entire manuscript of the events of the last 3 lustrums (Now you have to look up "Lustrum")

Love,

Bub

2004-10-29T17:42:00.000-07:00

Hi Amy!

It's been an interesting week. I've missed you so much this week that I thought about almost nothing else but you. It's wrong for any parent to do what your mother did, and even she knows that. Knowing that it's wrong and evil and even immoral, she continues to demand her pound of flesh, except that she wants the blood too!

I have no way of knowing whether you still check here or not............I think I'm writing to everyone in the world except you. I hope that you do continue to check here. I've been watching and listening at home and have come to regret having anything to do with that installation. It's addictive! Even though I don't want to watch or listen, I often check it anyway, leave it on, and then end up spending hours being entertained by you and the occasional moron who wanders by with a remarkably dumb comment. The little guy is so predictable - I can almost guess what he'll say next!! It's kind of like a game show! (Wheel of Dwarves?)

I've also been contacted this week by people from the U.S. and Germany, each wanting to know more about Wayne's al Qaeda connection. I expect that he'll be hearing from them soon too! (They know where you live!!)

Your mother is incapable of compassion - her actions are guided by something other than thought or love, or even concern for you. She CANNOT stand to be wrong and she IS totally wrong! Rather than admit to past errors, she will continue to be wrong into eternity - and to her, that's the same as not being wrong.

She is very much like George W. Bush!

with all of my love,

Bub

2004-10-20T17:05:00.000-07:00

Hi Amester!

You made it to one of the milestone birthdays in your life in spite of all of the distractions and malevolence.

Congratulations on your induction to NHS!
Your induction is not a result of any contibution either of your parents made - it is due solely to the amount of effort which you have chosen to invest in yourself.

You, and you alone, have earned the honor which has been accorded you, and once again, you are in the company of the "best of the best".
As your father, I take great satisfaction from seeing you guiding your life with such hard work, good character, and wonderful spirit.

I know that you know how much I love you and regret not being able to see you.

With all of my love,

Bub

2004-10-18T23:06:00.000-07:00

Happy

Birthday

love,

Bub

2004-10-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

Hi Amester!

Another day has passed.............I tend to think about you more as this time of year approaches. The leaves are turning beautiful colours back there and the air is crisp and refreshing....not quite cold yet. The morning sun in Autumn always seemed to be brighter - probably because the summer humidity has dissipated and the air is clearer - free of the water which hangs in it during the hot months of summer.

The mosquitoes have probably had their last flurry of activity and have forfeited their rotten little lives to the coming cold. Their kids will be back to plague everyone as soon as it gets nice enough to go outside again. It's not fair, but as you've seen - there's at least one mosquito no matter where you go (even some mothers are mosquito-like). In your case, you seem unable to avoid the mosquito!

Since moving to Cali, I've managed to find only ONE mosquito, and I had to hike up the side of a mountain and then down into a heavily forested ravine to find it. It actually found me, and since it was my first one, I didn't even swat it. If you remember Emily, you should look for her blog soon...........not too soon though.

I've learned to grill fresh fish, and I walk 3 blocks to the fish store and pick my fish from the day's catch as the fishermen deliver it. It's so much better than fish which has been frozen or refrigerated! I'm still looking forward to being able to grill some for you. I'm pretty sure that you qualify as a CA state resident, so you should consider going to college out here. Your mother has probably dictated the terms under which she will pay for your college tuition, and I'll bet that one of the stipulations is that you don't attend school outside of the Midwest or the East! How long will she be able to steal your volition?

Well.....enough of that for now. I was observing things yesterday morning and it looks like she's still about the same. Are her teeth fluorescent white, or do you have some weird lights in that place? Glow-in-the-dark teeth!! Pretty scary when she smiles at night, huh? I had pretty much forgotten what she looked like until now. I liked her face better when I had forgotten it.

Ok......I'm gonna go...............I started to write you a little note and got side tracked by the DARK SIDE.

I hope that life is wonderful and wonder-filled for you. This year is one of the most important in your life, and I want it to be the best year you've ever had!

(Exotic pics coming as soon as the airlines find the luggage with the Compact Flash Memory cards, boomerangs, carved shells and other stuff that I've already forgotten.)

With my love
Bub

2004-10-12T11:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Amy,

Another beautiful day in SD..............it's getting cooler, but nothing like you're experiencing! I'm going to the harbor today to visit the U.S.S. Midway, so I thought I'd post a live web cam link to it so that you can see it too! (Those web cams are everywhere!) (If Midway dowsn't appear, Select the REAGAN cam and adjust the zoom and pan the camera around - MIDWAY is the aircraft carrier in the foreground)
Remember swimming with the sharks?? There's a place near here which is teeming with baby leopard sharks, so Laura and I are going snorkeling there (keeping in mind that where there are babies, there are usually parents which are BIGGER!!

Gotta run now because I'm doing a tour on the ship and I don't want to be late for it.

With love,

Bub

2004-10-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Amy,

Yesterday Laura and I went to the beach in the morning, walked home, had lunch, and then drove to downtown San Diego to enjoy the "Festa Italiano!". It was a beautiful, warm, sunny and gentle day. You get about 3-5 of them each year back there in the transition from freezing cold to blisteringly hot and humid. We get about 300 near-perfect days here every year!

When we left the festival, we wandered along the waterfront and saw the SAPPHIRE PRINCESS - a huge white cruise ship which looks like George Jetson may have designed it. Near the smoke stack are two very large air intakes designed to look like big sliver jet engines. On the squared stern is some architectural feature which resembles a handle. There is a covered walkway which enables passengers to walk all the way to to bow, but from the shore, it gives the bow of the ship the appearance of a clam. Overall - not a pretty ship! It's probably wonderful and elegant inside, but pretty awful to look at if you're not aboard it.

I hope that all is going well for you, and that you are happy. I'll finish this later.

Love,

Bub

2004-10-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Amester,

We've been away for quite a while so I have to relearn how to use this thing. (I forgot how to post photos). I've got lots to tell you about your Aunt Nancy and her kids (your Australian cousins), Australia, the islands of the South Pacific and sailing , and many other things.

I hope that you had a good summer and that your senior year will be filled with good and happy memories which will always be a source of strength and self-confidence, and something you can revisit and recall fondly. I shouldn't be surprised that you're a senior now, but I am. It was inevitable that you would grow and evolve, and because of your mother's scheming and ugly predisposition to crushing a father's love for his daughter (something she never experienced herself), I was unable to be a part of the changes and the progress in your life.

As much as I wanted your mother to send you to La Jolla when she flew into her most recent rage (the one over email), the more important consideration is that I want your senior year to be a happy experience that you spend with your friends, peers, and associates in an environment which is familiar and comfortable for you. The judicial officials I contacted in Waukegan questioned why a mother would threaten to throw her daughter out of her house for merely sending a few happy, excited email to her father, none of which disclosed any information about the mother or her new husband .
The judge hinted at your mother's unstable nature and I am certain that he would have legally adjudged her to be the unfit parent everyone knows her to be and would have transferred custody if she had carried out her threat to evict you upon completion of the last school year, or upon the attainment of your 18th birthday.

I have only memories of you as you were when we saw each other last. I know that you've changed, grown, and matured (even though your mother and her garden gnome don't think so). As you will see, I've had some input in your new place and now I'm getting daily input from it so I'm able to "virtually" see and hear you every day you're there.

As she herself said" "It's a doggy dog world!". Now the doggies have come home to enjoy the show - "Here's lookin' at you, kid!" (Humphrey Bogart "Casablanca") I've named the new house "Casablanca" in memory of that famous line!

Since your mother told the authorities all kinds of lies about me and even had me placed on a national watch list for people who owned guns (I shot one of those guns at a target only once in more than 30 years). I was asked recently if I knew of anyone with stated or implied intent to threaten or compromise the security of the United States so I told them about Wayne and gave them his name as being the only terrorist I knew of.

When I told them that he travels so frequently, they entered his name and quickly found him in their computer. They got another response from somewhere and then wanted more details about him. I told them every thing I know - I even gave them your mother's name too, so she's probably on the same list. They wanted names of employers and as much other info as I had. I told them that Wayne has several guns, including at least one 32 caliber handgun.

Apparently, they're looking for people like him because he fits the profile of a courier/scout/paymaster for al Qaeda.

Now all of your mother's husband's are on national watch lists, although he's on a better one than me!

I have to go back to Scripps for a new round of treatment of my right eye, which began to bleed into the retina again about three months ago. Since we've been gone for so long, I had to deal with it, noticing that it got slightly worse each day. It's a bother but I still manage to get around La Jolla and a bit of San Diego by using a talking Garmin Street Pilot 2610. I saw on the news last night that the high temp in Chicago will be 51 today - it'll be 74 here! It's almost always 74 here. Except for not having had ANY rain for the last 170 days, I've learned to really love this place!

I've got to leave for my doctor appointment but I'll be communicating with you via this and other means.

With my love,

Bub

2004-07-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

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I was using Mozilla, but switched back to Internet Explorer. Microsoft seems to have plugged the leaks and some software is incompatible with Mozilla.

Are you having trouble with any of these?:

CoolWWW
Cool Web Search
HomeOldSp
Maxserving
Zestyfind
about:blank
about|blank
Startpage.4.AP
cws.googlems.3
Search.cc
IS.Search.cc
JS Search.cc
LopDotCom
Osama Bin Laden Virus
Zedo
Tribalfusion
virtual card for you
Hitbox
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
atwola
NetStats
Hack Army Trojan
TKBell.exe

Maxserving (seems to be the source of most of these pests) If you have CoolWWW, then you also have HomeOldSP, and Maxserving is what put all that garbage on your PC.
Only GhostSurf Pro can block Maxserving.

TKBell IS valid REAL Player file. If you're concerned - just delete your REAL player.

RPC Doom Warning
jdbe.exe
jdbg.exe

Have you seen this?: "Warning - Your computer has been infected with the RPC Doom Virus." "Press HERE to disinfect".

If you have seen that "warning", do not press anything to "disinfect". If you do, you are opening the door to your PC for all kinds of scams, redirects, homepage hijackers, and whatever kind of trash that's out there. The RPC Doom Warning is just an annoying pop-up ad. You can get rid of it by opening the Windows Task Manager (ctrl+alt+delete). And doing the following:
Click once on the RPC Doom Warning in the Task Manager Window, and then click "End Task"
The "Warning" will go away.......but it will be back. Read on for
ways to protect your PC.

Heard about MY DOOM?

You can avoid infection by never opening an attachment from an address you do not know, keeping anti-virus software updated, using a personal firewall and downloading the latest patches.

If you have received an email (usually from a friend), stating that they have unknowingly sent you a virus......do not search for jdbe.exe, or jdbg.exe as they ask you to do. Both of those are valid Windows files. You will find them if you look for them because they are a part of Windows.

DO NOT DELETE THEM. If you've already deleted them, it probably won't matter, but if you want them back, you can always reload Windows and restore/repair the files.
There are many different ways to eliminate these pests, but there is no single way to eliminate them and KEEP THEM FROM INFESTING YOUR PC unless you follow the suggestions outlined below!

For the rest of you who have been infected, infested and bothered by CoolWWW and all of its variants listed above.....read on!

I've been going to infected websites everywhere using an older Pentium PC a neighbor gave me after her husband died. I've been having fun finding ways to not only get rid of home page hijackers, but to KEEP THEM AWAY!!

Most of the software I'm going to recommend is free, and you can download it from the secure links in this post. Two of the software programs are not free, but they are worth their price because they are so totally effective.

The system I've developed for clearing out the pests listed above is as follows:

1. I use GhostSurf Pro all of the time on the PC I'm using to write this because it PREVENTS ALL of those pests from getting into my computer. It's not free, but I believe it is the most effective weapon against having control of your PC taken away from you. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, I've placed a secure link to the company which produces it. If you want to be finally rid of aggravation.....you will benefit from ordering it.

When you get it, click on everything and see for yourself, the power it restores to you. It also allows you to surf anonymously through "invisible" hubs, and has several handy data destroying features. Whether you are a surfer of naughty sites, or just want to have control of your own PC, GhostSurf Pro is the BEST program I've found.
The only negative aspect of GhostSurf Pro that I'm aware of is that it slows internet search activity slightly, but since the other choice is having my PC altered by trashy search pages, I choose to use GhostSurf Pro and go a little slower

2. Sometimes, I turn it off, because it won't let me go to sites which will infect my PC ("isn't that why I bought it???")
Almost as soon as I disable GhostSurf Pro, my home page gets changed, usually to CoolWWW or CoolWebSearch, Zestyfind, or Search.cc. HomeOldSp is always found when any of those other pests appear. As soon as this happens, I reactivate GhostSurf Pro, then I click on BHO Demon, which you can download from this secure link. There's a helpful tutorial at the site to show you how to use BHO Demon. The object of BHO Demon is to disable the BHO (Browser Helper Object), which is the code which redirects your PC to the pests we're talking about here. It's FREE!!

3. The next step is to run HiJack This! You can download it securely from this link to the program's author. This step is a little tricky because you're going to have to decide which lines you should remove by placing a check mark in the box at the beginning of each line of code. My rule is that I delete ANYTHING which does not have a LEGITIMATE product name in it. If I see a line which contains MSMSGS.EXE in it, I always delete it and it has never done anything to impair any of my PC's capabilities. It seems to be an attempt to hide a nasty " .exe" file in your registry. (It sort of looks like it might be a bit of legitimate Microsoft(MS) code.) Place a check mark next to anything you want to remove and click "FIX CHECKED ITEMS". You'll get a warning that you're about to remove a BHO. Do it! That's the point of this exercise! If you accidentally remove something you need, you can always reload the program and restore anything you shouldn't have removed. After a few tries, you'll begin to recognize the code and the tricks used to camouflage the pests.

Be alert and pay close attention to your TYPING SKILLS. There is a malicious site named "merijin.org". The legitimate site is "merijn.org", and it is the origin of HiJack This! software. Look again at the spelling of the site names.........be careful!

HiJack This! is FREE!!

4. The next step on the path to cleaning your PC and regaining control of it is to use one of my long-time favorites. Ad-aware is made by Lavasoft, a Swedish company and in my opinion, it is one of the very best pieces of FREE pest removal software that's available. The "secret" to using Ad-aware (and all other pest removal programs)is to update it at least once a week. I check for updates every day! You can download Ad-aware from this secure link to Lavasoft.

Click on the Ad-aware box at the left of the Lavasoft home page and you'll be taken to the free download site.

5. Finally, my absolute favorite for cleaning up everything left behind by the other programs is Pest Patrol. It is your final guarantee that there is NOTHING left on your PC after you've taken the steps described above. It is not free, but like GhostSurf Pro, it is worth its price because it assures you that you are in control of your PC. PestPatrol.">You can order Pest Patrol it from the company which produces it by clicking this secure link. As with Ad-aware, it is of the utmost importance that you update it daily, or at least weekly.

DO NOT DOWNLOAD ANY PROGRAMS FROM ANY SITE YOU ARE NOT 100% CERTAIN OF, NO MATTER HOW LEGITIMATE IT MAY APPEAR.

Many sites offer free downloads of Cool Web Shredder. Many of those sites are frauds, and are merely conduits for Cool WWW and Cool Web Search.

If you have been alarmed by the RPC Doom Virus Detected Pop-up "Warning", DO NOT CLICK THE "DISINFECT" TAB!! Instead, press Ctrl-Alt-Del and highlight the warning in the Windows task manager. Click "End Task". If you've already clicked "Disinfect" you've almost surely downloaded something nasty, so read on and you'll learn how to get rid of it - forever!

If you have any concerns about the health of your PC, go to this link and download AVG. It's an EXCELLENT, COMPREHENSIVE anti-virus tool which does not screw up Windows like Norton sometimes can (and does). It's also FREE. If you keep AVG updated daily, you should not have any more trouble with infections.

AGAIN.....do not download it from any site other than Grisoft's site. If you do, you are welcoming mischief.

Another secure, comprehensive virus scan of your computer can be made by clicking this link to Trend Micro, which has a highly respected FREE product called Housecall.

At this time, I don't recommend using any of the other free utilities.

The Five steps I've outlined above will restore control of your PC to you!

Microsoft can't get rid of Cool WWW and the other Home Page Hijackers!!

Norton can't get rid of Cool WWW and the other Home Page Hijackers!!

MacAfee can't get rid of Cool WWW and the other Home Page Hijackers!!

By using the techniques I've described here, I have been able to see every attempt made by sites to Hijack my home page, and I've been able to see every site which attempts to place a tracking cookie on my computer, and I've been able to block them before they can do their dirty work. I've also been able to keep sites from placing images and popups on my computer.

I've set GhostSurf Pro so that it automatically blocks all new attempts to gather ANY information from my computer, or change my homepage. It also wipes out all traces of my private online surfing. No one can build a profile of me from my personal online browsing, and I like that feature of GhostSurf Pro very much!

IF you decide to purchase GhostSurf Pro, order it ONLY from Tenebril. There is a link to their site at the bottom of this page. Any other source of GhostSurf Pro may be a copy containing the trojans and spyware you are trying to eliminate
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Good luck and good hunting!!

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2004-07-13T03:00:00.000-07:00

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* WARNING *
TO PARENTS IN HAWTHORN
SCHOOL DISTRICT *
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* ASK FOR PYSCHOLOGICAL PROFILES BEFOREYOU ENROLL YOUR FIRST GRADE CHILD!! *

ALL elementary school teachers should be given random psychological tests every two or three years, and should be removed from teaching if their psychological profiles reveal that they are prone to abusive behavior, or that they are able to condone abuse of any sort as a means of forcing a child to bend to their will.

Experience and EXPERTISE at bending children's personalities, emotional torture, and blackmail are probably not attributes you would look for in a woman who was going to be teaching your first grade child.

There are military guards on trial right now for doing those things to prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison, a maximum security corrections facility in Iraq!. Even prisoners of war are entitled to better treatment than this teacher accords her own daughter......yet District 73 will allow her to have control of YOUR children in the coming year and you won't be there to see what she does to them.

BLACKMAILING AND COERCION are particularly ugly methods of forcing a child to bend to one's will, and neither seem like admirable attributes in anyone, and especially not in a first grade teacher.

There is an elementary school teacher who regularly subjects her daughter to mental cruelty and emotional abuse, and has done so for the last five years, in the privacy of her own home, out of sight of the public.

If the public knew about this, she would not be a teacher at Hawthorn Elementary, she would not have custody of her daughter, and she might even be a candidate for continuous therapy and analysis, and maybe even an extended stay at an asylum, with mandatory ongoing therapy if released.

Do you want her having control of YOUR child!!???!!!

Her victim is her daughter.

The parents of young children who are about to enter the first grade in Distrit 73 should know about the behavior of this teacher who may be granted control over their children by a school district which knows nothing of her personal psychological profile.

Before now, no one has spoken of her other side.

What follows is not a fairy tale of a beautiful princess locked in a tower by her evil, jealous mother. It is not even a nightmare.

It is the truth.

It is a personal accounting of the abuses and cruelties and invasions of personal freedoms and privacy perpetrated by a hate-inspired first grade teacher against her own child.

It is up to the parents of children who attend Hawthorn Elementary School to decide whether they want to place their children in a situation where this woman is still teaching first grade despite her continuing misuse of her own child as a pawn in an angry divorce, and her frequent abuse of her daughter as the focus of her anger.

Instead of encouraging a healthy, normal relationship between the father of the daughter, she prevents such contact, despite having been directed by a court-appointed mediator to allow it and encourage it. In the past, she allowed the father and daughter only one phone call per week, but it had to be made on a speakerphone so that she could monitor the call and direct her daughter's answers. When she decided the call was over she took the phone from her daughter and began to verbally abuse the father in the presence of their child.

This woman is a first grade teacher. She has control over a new group of little children every year. Do you want your child placed in her custody???

She allowed her ex-husband and his daughter to meet on very infrequent occasions for a quick dinner or a cup of coffee, but insisted on attending those meetings and became openly abusive toward the father in public, again in the presence of their child.

The first grade teacher in question would never allow her daughter to communicate with her father via email, and she never allowed her daughter to write private letters to her father. She dictated the content of the very few letters she allowed over the last five years, and she would not even allow her daughter to address or mail the letters she had "written".

The first grade teacher has unknownable reasons for trying to hide the father's address and telephone number from the daughter. The father advised his ex-wife several weeks in advance that he was moving to California to start a new life. She didn't bother to tell her daughter about his move until five minutes before they met for the last time at Starbuck's in Vernon Hills. This shows her disregard for her daughter's feelings and emotional needs, yet she is supposedly trained to be understanding and compassionate. Is this the care you want for your child?

During that last meeting, the first grade teacher was unable to contain her rage began her final, loud, public derision of her ex-husband. The daughter ran out of Starbucks in tears. The father followed her to comfort her. The first grade teacher followed him and ordered their daughter to get into her car.

The last time the father and the daughter ever saw each other was as the car raced away into the darkness. The daughter managed a tiny wave which her father returned. Their final meeting had lasted less than ten minutes.

Is this the kind of compassion, understanding and nourishing care you hope that your children will receive every day?

The father paid the first grade teacher $60.00 for his daughter's school pictures. She cashed the check, took the money, but never gave him any pictures. He hasn't seen any pictures of his daughter for two years. His daughter went to the Prom this year. He couldn't be there to see her on that important event, or any of the important events in her life because the first grade teacher is determined to eradicate the daughter's memory of her father.

He didn't even know that she was going to the Prom - he has not received any uncensored news about his daughter for almost five years, and has received no news about her for two years. He hasn't been able to speak with her teachers. His daughter can't talk to him about her dreams, interests, joys, troubles, or about anything at all.

He hasn't been able to be a father for his daughter because his ex-wife is deternined to inflict constant pain on her ex-husband even though the daughter is always the innocent victim caught in the open when her mother begins "shooting". It is a one-sided war. She wants to cause him constant pain and sadness and achieves that goal by keeping his daughter away from him in spite of the great emotional damage this has done to the child.

The first grade teacher is always "shooting" at her ex-husband, and is not at all concerned that she is also hurting their daughter.

The "shooter" has been a first grade teacher in Hawthorn Elementary for several years.

She continues to inflict more damage on her child every day and is aware of the consequences her war against her ex-husband have on their daughter, but chooses to make her child suffer.

When the father sent letters or gifts to his daughter, his ex-wife, the first grade teacher, intercepted them all. The money and gifts never reached the daughter. The letters and cards and postcards were either thrown away or censored by the first grade teacher, who probably blacked out whole sentences with a large, permanent magic marker. The first grade teacher then read the letters to her daughter, omitting the parts she had blacked out. Everyone except the first grade teacher still wonders what happened to the money he sent his daughter for Christmas last year. Obliteration of the things she disagrees with or dislikes is her normal mode, so she may have even used an X-acto knife to remove the parts of the letters and cards which she didn't like. She has apparently disposed of most of the letters and gifts he has sent his daughter,

His letters were open expressions of love for a daughter who had been torn away from her father by an angry wife who obtained a two year order of protection against the husband by lying to the police. She then had the order renewed, keeping with her plan to hurt her ex-husband by denying all opportunity for the father and daughter to continue their loving, happy relationship. The order has finally expired and the court has been asked to disallow any further renewals.

The fact still remains that SHE was the only person in that family to commit physical, verbal, mental, and emotional violence, and she committed them against her husband and her daughter. She is still committing mental cruelties and emotional abuse against her child.

That woman is preparing to take control of your children's lives for a large segment of every school day in the coming year.

Almost two years later, when the daughter finally did contact the father via an email link on a website he had established in the hope of communicating his feelings to his daughter, she expressed love for him and happiness at being able to communicate with him, but she also expressed great fear of being caught.

She was caught. How she was caught is not known, but the first grade teacher and her new husband seem to devote fanatical amounts of energy and time policing every move this seventeen year old young woman makes. They may have installed software on her computer which allows them to read all of her personal emails and Instant Messages.

She is an honor student. A pom co-captain, a leader against drugs, tobacco, and alcohol. She is an exemplary person.

She is trapped in a gilded cage.

The response of the first grade teacher when she learned that her daughter wanted to have a loving, healthy relationship with her father was to tell her that she was going to be thrown out of the house as soon as the school year ended and she would be forced to move to California to live with her father and would have to graduate with a class of strangers.

What would she do if she became angry at one of your children?

The first grade teacher swings between not allowing any contact with her father to demanding that the daughter get out of her house and live with her father in California!

This bombshell of cruelty was dropped on her as she prepared to take her final exams. Someone wiser than the first grade teacher told her that she would be guilty of child abandonment if she made good on that threat.

The court was made aware of her loose interpretation of her legal responsibilities as a parent. The court is being made aware of her continuing actions as they pertain to the well-being of the daughter.

The first grade teacher has sold the former family house, and blamed her daughter because the father learned of the sale. The house had a large Coldwell Banker sign in the front yard, and the father has friends in the old neighborhood who told him about it. A photo of the house was posted by Coldwell Banker on the internet, along with the price, and all of the selling features.

The first grade teacher has decided that it is the daughter's fault that Coldwell Banker didn't use "stealthy" means to sell that house. Why would the first grade teacher think it might be necessary to hide the sale of the house from her ex-husband who lives 2,000 miles away in California? Why does this first grade teacher have a need for furtive real estate transactions?

Although the father learned of the imminent house sale from friends who live in the neighborhood, the first grade teacher surmised that the daughter had told her father and as a result of that incorrect supposition, the daughter lost her driving privileges, her cell phone, and her ability to use the internet. To the first grade teacher, if she believes that her daughter is guilty of something, then she deserves punishment.

One wonders how you parents of her prospective students feel about this type of thought if it were your child she suspected of some imagined wrongdoing in her classroom?

During the teen years, when normal parents are granting their teenage children more responsibilities and freedoms, the first grade teacher is busily trying to bind her daughter tighter than ever with a never-ending stream of arbitrary rules.

Now, at the time of this writing, the first grade teacher may have made it clear to her daughter that if she has any additional contact with her father, she will be evicted from home on the very day that she turns eighteen years of age, thereby preventing her from graduating with people she has known since the first grade. It is consistent with her thinking that she would threaten to deny needed financial support for her daugter's college education if she has any further contact with her father.

The questions which need to asked of this particular first grade teacher are best asked by trained, impartial professionals whose training prepares them to delve into such an angry mind.

The questions the father still has are:
"Why does she dislike her own child so much?"
"Why is she so willing to hurt her own child just to continue her campaign of hate against the father?"
"What punishments does she inflict on children in the relative privacy of her classroom?"

The father wants a normal, healthy, unmonitored, normal relationship with his daughter. That is all he wants. He wants no contact of any type with the first grade teacher, her new husband, or any other aspect of their lives.

As a response to this open letter, the first grade teacher will probably threaten her daughter, accusing her of having made new contact with her father. She will likely revoke privileges and invoke punishment for things her daughter never did.

It will be important for the Hawthorn School District and the community to get involved and assure that the first grade teacher doesn't use this letter as justification for new cruelty and abuse, and to assess the first grade teacher's psychological and personality profiles before she is given responsibility for 25 little children when the new school year begins.

Another question for the PTO and the members of the community whose children could end up in her class is:

"What is it about the way she treats her own daughter which gives them confidence that she can provide a warm, nourishing, enjoyable educational experience for their little children?"

The first grade teacher should be tested by as many psychologists as are necessary to determine why she continues to mistreat her own child, and also to determine whether how this person is able to fulfill the emotional and educational needs of your children in her role as their first grade teacher.

The first grade teacher needs professional help so that she can be made to understand the great harm she is doing to her daughter, and finally put an end to the torment of her child.

If you had the choice, would you REALLY choose to place your child in a classroom with this particular first grade teacher knowing that she has NEVER passed even ONE psychological test?

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2004-07-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Amy,

I just returned from more tests and was told that I've got to have more tests!! Scripps is an excellent place, and medicine really is an inexact science, so I have to go along with the program so that I can find out how to get better.

I've also decided that I'll eat a few rice wafers if absolutely necessary! I do want to have a relationship with my favorite daughter and I have to be here to do that (pretty intelligent, huh?). It would be helpful to know whether she shares that interest in re-establishing contact!

I hope that you're having a fun summer....wherever you are, and I really do wish that you'd call me sometime. I have to go now and get some rest.

I love you,

Bub

2004-07-08T18:17:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Just a quick note to say "Hi" and to tell you that I love you. I have something going on with my heart, so I want to be sure that you know how much I love you. I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did. Your mother may finally be getting what she wants. I trust that you will not let her trample you down for very much longer.

I've got more stress tests to put up with tomorrow. I don't understand them. I tell the doctors that I can barely breathe and that my chest feels "tight" and my lungs "burn" and their response is to hook me up to a treadmill and tell me to go faster on it. It seems that they are trying to kill me too!

I think that if the verdict is grim, I'll spend a little more time flying over Torrey Pines and walking along the beach with Laura, and alone. I remember all of the fun we had together, and I'm very grateful for those times. It's a bit scary for me right now, but to everything there is an end, and if mine is imminent, I'm going out as bravely as I can with as much bang as I can put into it!! I refuse to hide behind tastless rice wafers and watercress and rubbery soy products!

ARRRGHHHH!!!!

Hold on to who you are......don't let that foul cow smother your spirit, your creativity, or your loving nature, and don't take any gas from the Lawn Dwarf either!

"Wayne"

If you become her exact opposite, you will do wonderfully in your life.

I love you,

Bub

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Here's an extra owl to help get the message to you:

2004-07-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

I thought about you a lot yesterday when Laura and I were at Horse Shoe. We didn't go to the Cove because all of the tourists go there and the place is more crowded than a Chinese bus! You'd love Horse Shoe.............you'd love all of this place!

I hope that you had a good time yesterday and I hope that you will make contact with me soon.

Here are a few shots of last night:

More pics to come! We're going back to go snorkeling!

I love you and hope that your mother will find the decency to allow you to contact me. If she doesn't....contact me anyway.

With all of my love,

Bub

2004-07-04T11:34:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Just a quick note before we go snorkeling at Horse Shoe Beach -

I hope that you're able to have a fun 4th of July and that you are doing well.

Call me anytime or send me an email or a letter.

A couple shots of how we've spent our Fourth so far...

"Beauty and grace at Torrey Pines"

"A seal pup at Horseshoe Beach - remember the dolphins near the Sanibel lighthouse?"

"Playing at Horseshoe"

"Laura & bird chillin' on the rocks"

With all of my love to my favorite daughter,

Bub o:)

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2004-07-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

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Hi Amy (do you prefer "Aime"?),

I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you now as I sit here looking out on the deep blue of the Pacific Ocean.

As I stood at the edge of the 340 foot high cliffs at Torrey Pines yesterday I wished that you could have been there to enjoy that beautiful place with me! Hangliders, parasailers, and radio controlled gliders share the airspace with hawks, seagulls and crows. ( I even flew an r/c glider yesterday - it reminded of when I used to fly with the old guys, except that I had to dodge the hangliders and parasailers!!)

I really wish that I could speak with you and see you and hug you and fill in the missing bits of each other's lives in the beauty of this environment. (ANY environment would be equally wonderful!)

You can call me collect anytime from any payphone or from any of your friend's cell phones. No matter what your mother or her new husband have told you, they CAN'T track those calls. YOU have to decide whether you want her hate of me to define the way YOU live your life. You're old enough now to make that decision.

If she threatens to throw you out of the house again after you turn 18, there are several families who will open their homes to you and allow you to live in the school district so that you can graduate with your class.

You should not be a pawn or victim of your mother's hate for me. Up to now, you have been. As of now, you still are.

I love you more dearly than I love anyone or anything. I'm trying to do what I can to help you to stand up with dignity and self-respect, and without the constancy of fear of her reprisals.
I'm content to wait until you've graduated if your mother won't allow you to have a normal life. It's important that YOU recognize how twisted her behavior is, and don't use her as a role model. If you do, you'll end up like her......she has money, but nothing else except an embittered heart and a source of frequent flier miles.

She is as addicted to her hatred of me as her parents were addicted to gallon bottles of cheap vodka. Walgreens always had more cheap vodka for them to consume, and as long as I love you, she has an endless supply of hate. She can't make me stop loving you, so she is forced to hate me even more by her own addiction to hate. She is defined by her hatred for me.

That is not a healthy credential for a first grade teacher to have to put at the top of her list of the things which define her, and it would HAVE to be at the TOP of any list about her. It is who she is. (or what she is)

Like an alcoholic, she has lost control.

"The man in this photo has been my personal hero since I first saw him stand up to a column of Communist Chinese tanks, armed only with his shopping bags and his willingness to stand up for a cause he believed in."

That's all for now. I have to take Laura's car to get smogged, and then I have to get some bougainvillea plants, and then I have to go to Torrey Pines to think about you.

With all of my love,

Bub

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2004-06-20T09:13:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Yesterday, and last night Laura and I celebrated the two year anniversary of the day we met. It was on Father's Day, 2002 on the Royal Caribbean ship "Enchantment of the Seas". Our meeting on the ship was the best example of serendipity I can think of. It was the beginning of my new life. It was the beginning of love in my life. Except for the love you and I shared as parent and child, there had been no love in my life for too many years. I have come to understand that there never was any love in the marriage - we had merely been "tolerating" each other and wasting life.

The picture I posted earlier of you and the duckling reminded me of when you found that fuzzy little creature, and how we went looking for the nest it wandered away from so that we could return it to its nest, which we never found. We put the little duck in a cardboard box and you nurtured and loved it better than any small girl could ever have loved her orphaned duckling.

The mandate from your mother was that you had to "....get rid of that duck!" It wouldn't have hurt anything if you had been able to keep it for just one more day, but ultimately, we would have to find a place for it. Her solution was to put in the yard, under a bush. It was summer. It was hot. There were stray cats and dogs. You refused, and I supported you....because you were right.

I found a bird shelter in Woodstock, phoned the woman who maintained it, and together, you and I began the long, sad drive to surrender your duckling. You tried to imagine ways to keep it, and the wheels in your mind were spinning furiously as you tried to think of places where you could hide it. I enjoyed your willingness to assume the risks involved with keeping the duck, and was impressed by your love of the little duck.

When we got there, we met the woman who ran the shelter for birds which had been injured came out to meet us. She was in her late 40's or early 50's, wore blue jeans, and was wearing a broad brimmed straw hat. She lived on that property alone, and her passion was the care of injured birds. She peered into the box you carried and pronounced your duck to be a healthy baby which had waddled too far from home.

You carried your duck in its box as she gave us the tour of her home and the many birds she was caring for. You were not going to relinquish your duck easily!

She showed us robins, starlings, a cockatoo, a couple of crows, and even a red-tailed hawk. Most had been shot.

Still carrying your duckling you headed for the car when the tour was over, and the woman went after you and patiently explained that she was better able to care for it than almost anyone else.
You asked her if you could visit your duck, and she said that you could visit it anytime. I enjoyed seeing how you had resolved to hang onto the little duck which meant the world to you!!

You tearfully handed her the box containing your duck, and she put her arm around you. You asked her if you could help her take care of the birds. You knew that I would drive you out there because it was something which was important to you

She told you that her biggest challenge was paying for the food and medical care the birds required. You quickly spotted her "donation jar" and asked if I would give her some money. You promised that you would pay me back if I would give her money. I told you that I loved the duck too, and would happily donate funds. I gave you some money ($6.00, I think), and told you that you didn't have to pay me back.

You were very sad and crying when we drove away, but you recognized that the duck would be well cared for.

On the way home, you started making plans for future visits and imagining ways to make money and contribute to the cause of saving the birds. We made one more trip out there, and I think that the duck had matured and flown away by then.

Since today is Father's Day, and since you are forbidden by your mother to acknowledge any part of me, I am considering today to be "Daughter's Day". Years ago, I invented "Kid's Day" because you saw mothers and fathers being celebrated, but not kids. I picked a day at random and made a card and bought you a gift, and the tradition of "KID'S DAY" was born.

Laura has given me a Father's Day on your behalf.

Here is a picture of the button you gave me in a card one Father's Day - it works just as well for Daughter's Day:

With all of my love,

Bub

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2004-06-15T15:37:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

"The worst of the 5.2 magnitude earthquake was to tilt Renoir and knock a few things off of the mantel!"

I just experienced my first California earthquake!! It happened 8 minutes ago at 3:30pm PST. It felt and sounded like a car or truck hit the building. First, a single loud crash, followed in rapid succession by several more loud bangs. Several pictures were abruptly tilted on the walls, and several more were toppled from their shelves. The building shook.

I looked out the bay window to the west to see if any vehicles were embedded in the lower condos. As I looked out of the window, I noticed that the birdcage was swinging, as was the chandelier, and the water I was drinking was slopping around in its glass. So was the water in my bucket of Spic and Span.

There was a "..whole lotta shakin' goin' on!!"

I realized that it was an earthquake and decided to leave for the street. All of my observations above took place in a second or less!!

A clamor of Spanish words carried through the air on excited voices from places which have been unseen by me before today, and are still unknown to me now. People were out on the sidewalk, chattering in increasingly frantic staccato bursts of Espanol.

Being inherently COOL, having done my time in a British boarding school in Australia, I did not want to appear unduly impressed by my first CA earth-surfing event. I grabbed a bundle of old newspapers and tried to appear casual as I made my way out of the building and into the street.

Upon reflection, it really did sound as if the building had cracked like a stick. The initial sound of the first shock was loud and sharp. I was surprised that it was so violent-sounding, and that there had been nothing to precede it.

Remembering the word "aftershocks" from news reports I had read when I lived in Illinois, I decided to walk around a the block rather than loiter in the street like a frightened sheep. Besides, the only language being spoken in the street at the time was frenzied Spanish, and the fever pitch of the conversation had grown to include wild gestures and much making of the sign of the cross. Not being a cross-signer either, I departed the frightened Mardi Gras in the street and went around the block.

I've straightened the pictures and photos and replaced the ones which fell over. It's quiet in La Jolla now, and the people in the street are laughing and smiling warm, toothy smiles, no doubt denying that they were frightened. I'm going back to cleaning the kitchen floor!

It turned out to be a magnitude 5.2 earthquake, centered about 40 miles Southwest of San Diego, in the Pacific Ocean.

I've now been "baptized" by earthquake, so I am now an official Californian.

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2004-06-15T11:18:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Here's an Orwellian horror to consider. I didn't think of it before now because it is not something I would use on anyone except an enemy. Since it can be easily installed and polled remotely, I imagine that you might know a person who would use such stuff. It may be a never-ending source of amusement for a very strange, bored little man sitting alone at night in his hotel room in some distant city.

Does this seem plausible?

A search for exe files with "ms" prefixes will reveal whether it's on your PC. Msmsgs.exe is a prime canidate for suspicion. My guess is that it is, and every keystroke you've made at your PC has been monitored. Disgusting!!

eye with lines.bmp

caveat IM, caveat email, caveat online searching.

(Imagine that "someone" may have been reading all of your IM's, the replies to your IM's, your email letters and the replies to them, and watching every site you visit on the internet.)

I don't want to make you paranoid, but rather want to alert you to the possibility that "they're watching". Go carefully forward with your life at home and school, but never stop going forward. As soon as they can scare you into thinking they will kick you out after your 18th birthday and you won't be able to graduate with your class, or that college won't be paid for if you have any contact with me, they've won and you will have surrendered a piece of your soul to them.

Short Dorf is going to report to Princess Die that you've been telling me about the threats they've made, but anyone who knows her will know that she will ALWAYS go straight to the parts of your life and happiness which she can control, and will figuratively hang them over the cliff, threatening to destroy them. For the record...you've told me NOTHING!

Her code of behavior is "If she can't win, then everybody has to lose!". Her modus operandi is to threaten to take away, limit, disfigure, or otherwise destroy the very things which you need to be happy. She is happiest when you are unhappy because she feels powerful and somehow, "needed". Her existence is validated and defined by the misery she causes.

Between now and when you turn 18, you have some important personal choices to make. I will always love you, whichever choice you make. I hope that you will choose to stand up for your own dignity, and your own freedoms, and will not allow her to continue to blame you for her own shortcomings, or for her odd suspicions and angry paranoia.

She has brewed herself quite a kettle of trouble.

Now, I'm just sitting here looking out my window, at the blue, sparkling Pacific Ocean........waiting. Waiting for 2:30PM PST to hear the latest from my lawyer.

After so many years, waiting finally feels good because there is purpose to my patience now.

Waiting..........just waiting.

If that atrocious spying program was installed on your home PC.....Short Dorf will race to remove it before you find it. They'll both deny any knowledge of it. I'll let you know how to do some basic hard drive forensics so that you can see if anything evil or underhanded has been done to your PC. In fact, you can see about 95.% of what's been placed on your hard drive!!

PestPatrol is the only program I know of which will find that program and remove it from your PC.

with my love,

Your daddy.

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2004-06-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Laura and I sat at home and watched the California segment of the Reagan burial. As the camera showed the sun setting, we could look out our western bay window to see it setting...live.
Finally, when they showed the sun drop below the mountains, we looked out and saw that the sun was still above the Pacific!(We can look at at the ocean 3 blocks away from the West side of our place....)

Yesterday, we went to a Greek festival in downtown San Diego, and got into the Greek Wedding thing.....lambs being roasted on spits, saganaki, baklava, loukoumades, spanikopita.....and much much more. (Do you remember the awful smell of flaming Saganaki in the Village Squire restaurant in McHenry? Do you remember when you were a very small child, pointing to a huge woman and saying loudly and exuberantly "There's the really big one!!"?

There was a live band at the festival playing Greek music, and we were even ready to get up and dance with the Greek dancers, but there was not an opportunity to do so. (Yes.....I am happy to dance with her!)

Laura and I shared a (large) glass of Ouzo, which is fairly beastly stuff unless you've been brought up with it. The idea behind going there was to have a good time and try new things, which is the way Laura and I live life. We accomplished both goals!

I hope that you can relax a bit now that your ACT's are behind you.

Here are a few pictures taken at the festival, and on the street outside of it.

"Cute, huh? English version...note the steering wheel

"74 Mini"

"Cool old Lincoln Continental"

"St. Spyridon Greek Orthodox Church"

This little girl reminded us of "Tula"

"The church.....from a different perspective"

"Inside the Greek Orthodox Church"

"OPA!!"

There was much more going on at the festival, but since we were having fun, there was no time for pictures!

It will always be difficult, writing to you here, so in your mother's game of Child = Pawn, your mother has "won". She will always "win" at that game because I will not play it. To me, you are a child of ours - not a pawn or a bargaining chip.

I wil not play in any game of hers in which you are the "pawn". She has been playing that game by herself.

I really miss you and your cheery personality!!

Notice how bright the sun and blue the sky is in San Diego ..........

With my love,

Bub

2004-06-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Laura knows a couple of film producers she has hired in the past to produce documentary films for her company. There are screenwriters who live in La Jolla. I'm going to try to find them and pitch the idea of doing a made-for-TV movie about our life in the last 5 years.

She thinks it will make a best-selling book too. Nothing like our life exists anywhere in reality, so the story of our life is a hot commercial property because it is REAL!! I've begun writing about it, and when you get out from being sequestered behind the gilded Berlin Wall she's got around you , you can contribute your side of it. You will of course, get half of the money.

I'm merely trying to encourage your mother to voluntarily enable normal communication and visitation in time for the summer. I don't want to speak with her, and I'm certain that she feels the same about me.

I stand behind my statement that I will not disclose anything about the house to the new owners. It is my "wedding gift" to my ex-wife and her husband - their marriage does not need any additional strains.

The request for visitation will still go forward in the court, and there is much in the file now about the way your mother has treated you.

It is not generally believed that her methods, and treatment of you during and after the divorce are appropriate or desirable qualities to find in a person who is believed to be professionally trained and qualified to teach first grade children.

The Hawthorn School district has failed its children and their parents that she has been given responsibility for building the self-esteem of the children under her supervision, nurturing them as little individuals, caring for their emotional needs, and even assuring their physical safety and well-being.

The matter of visitation is still going before the judge as soon as my lawyer is ready. If your mother has not moved to allow us the freedoms which are normal to children and parents, it will confirm the contents of the file which is now in the Waukegan courthouse.

ALL I want is PEACE and normalcy!

Remember that my love for you is deep, and without conditions. I will always love you no matter what you don't do. I will love you for disagreeing with me or anyone. I will love you for having the sense of self to tell people "to "get over yourself" if they lie to you, or with whom you disagree.

You have the RIGHT to your own opinion, and you have the RIGHT to express it, and you have the RIGHT to tell ANYONE that you differ with them on ANY issue. If you know that expressing yourself openly will anger ANYONE....then it is your DUTY to express yourself and allow yourself to be free. You will increase your own self-esteem in quantum leaps when you begin to do that.

As long as you remain civil, you have the right to express your thoughts and your feelings. Failure to do so is the same as burying your individuality and creativity in six feet of dirt, from which place it cannot be seen or heard.

Ok........time for breakfast!

Love,

Daddy,
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2004-06-07T17:15:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amester,

It's cool and gray here now - June Gloom has begun with force. It is so odd to see a pall of gray hanging in what should be an azure sky. The locals get pretty freaked out when it's overcast, and become morose and panicky on the two or three occasions when it rains in La Jolla. These people would be dangerous if they had to drive in snow or ice!!

Today has been tranquil........I've disengaged from the fray. I still feel very good because of that! If there was a war, but no one came to it...would both sides win, or would both sides have to lose?

I'm still eager to hear about you and your life during the past years, and I'd love to see photos of you. I know that you went to Prom, and I would love to see those photos too! More than anything, I want to hear your voice and see your face and give you a big hug and tell you that I love you!

I want you to know that my love for you is as deep as can be and is completely unconditional. Whatever you do, I will always love you, and I feel that it is important for you to know that such love exists for you.

The times we shared were loving times, and they cannot be erased or legislated out of existence. I remember we foraged Northern Illinois on one of our many Beanie Baby hunts , you looked over at me with a very sweet, happy smile and said "I like doing this." "This is fun!". That memory is worth more than anything which money can buy.

As time has gone by, those memories emerge from the past occasionally, and they sustain me, and help me to be happy.

There have been times when I thought that you had been "re-programmed" by "therapists. I wondered if you had been instructed to hate me. I wondered why you sent so few letters, and why they were so sterile and devoid of feeling. I wondered why you never used the phone card I sent you. I almost sent you another one, but I didn't have enough money to be able to afford to have it thrown away.

There have been times when I felt that I was writing to no one and the few people who read what I wrote dismissed my writing as fiction. There were a couple of times when I almost stopped writing here. Both times, I realized that I had to keep trying to reach you. One thing "LOVE" means is that you never let the other person down, and will ALWAYS do anything and everything within your power to sustain that love and never give up on the other person. All of the memories of the fun we had overcame the pain of having you taken away.

I have never given up on you and I never will.

NEVER allow ANYONE to bully you. NEVER allow ANYONE to threaten you. NEVER be afraid to speak your mind, even if you know that it will anger other people. You have a RIGHT to speak your mind, and you have a RIGHT to have your thoughts and feelings heard and respected. Other people have the RIGHT to agree or disagree with you, but if they disagree with you, it DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG!

Controlling people have elaborate "arbitrary rules-punishment-derision-reward scenarios which are always followed by another unhealthy dose of more arbitrary rules- more punishment-more derision- then a reward" cycles......ad infinitum....ad nauseum.

People who have to control others live in a false world where they have defined reality, and then seek to impose their definitions on everyone else. The biggest problem such people always run up against is that they cannot control everybody all of the time.

The inability to have a self based on reality, and the inability to control reality is what sends those people spinning into wild raging behavior.

If you walk away from such behavior, they have to focus that rage on someone else.

Well............enough of that. I wandered miles off of my intended purpose. I get emails from people all the time, asking how you're doing. Except for two or three people, the whole world is on your side.

I am receptive to a civil dialog to end the hate. Today my attorney advised me again to give them every opportunity to match my decision to move away from this awfulness.

With all of my love,

Bub

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2004-06-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Well.....it's 6/6/2004. A day of peace. My contribution to the peace effort is that I have decided not to contact the new occupants of the house - about anything - ever.

It would be an equally civilized gesture if normalcy was restored to our relationship, including regular visitations timed to coincide with your school holiday schedule. To that end, I've begun a process in the court to request that a legal visitation schedule be implemented in time for this summer.

I have to go through the court system because I am uncertain whether your mother will undertake such a plan voluntarily, and I want it to be a visitation which has legal consequences if it is not adhered to.

This pain and hate has been grinding away for too long. I am gratified to be the first one to take the first step necessary to bring an end to it.

The next step, if taken by your mother, is of equal importance. Should she choose not to take the next step, she would send a powerful message about herself.

I hope that your mother will find some relief in my gesture, and will match it by voluntarily allowing us freedom.

I will be in contact with my attorney tomorrow to let her know that she should continue to move forward through the legal system. One way or another, I want to have our relationship re-established, repaired, rekindled, and restored.

With my decision to remain silent, I have taken the first step. Will it be treated graciously or rudely? Either way, I have made the effort, and I feel very good about that.

I hope to see you soon..............

Love,

Bub

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2004-06-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

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On June 6, 2004 at 9:00 A.M., the order of protection expires, and I have placed papers in file to request that any extension of it be denied, and that normal, uncensored, private correspsondence by post and by email be ordered by the court, and that uncensored, private, unmonitored telephone calls also be court-ordered if they are not voluntarily allowed, and that regular, normal visitation be established by the court to bring an end to the present situation.

The judge now has access to information and documents he has never seen or heard before, since previous orders were requested, issued and executed without my prior knowledge. There are people from the community who are willing to speak on my behalf, and in your behalf to ensure that the law guarantees that you are treated with respect, and that our ability to communicate is free, unrestricted, totally private, and uncensored, and that you are not placed under duress or hardship if you contact me.

Free, regular visitation, enforceable by law, has also been requested.

We have to be allowed to become "re-acquainted". We were a big part in each other's lives until we were abruptly separated.

Now it is time for all of us to move forward with our lives, letting the pain of the past go where it belongs - in the past.

I think that 6/6/2004 is a good day for everyone to draw in a deep breath and get on with life.

I hope that your mother will voluntarily cease to prevent your efforts to re-establish a normal, caring relationship with me, and will do everthing possible to facillitate it, including arranging for you to visit me in La Jolla as soon as you'd like to come.

The judge in the case has been made aware that you want to visit me here, and also that your mother stated to you that it was her intent to force you to La Jolla to live with me permanently because you made contact with me.

Much pain has been caused, and the time to end it is 6/6/2004 -sooner if it were legally possible.

Your mother should feel free to email me about anything if she desires to begin a civil dialog.

I am hoping (as always)................

Love,

Daddy

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2004-06-03T19:20:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amester,

Congratulations! You made it through another year, and you're ready for some Summer fun and kick-back time. Wanna come to La Jolla??? (see...I NEVER give up hoping!)

I love you and want you to have the opportunity to spend some time here so that we can "re-acquaint". You must have millions of questions for me....and I will answer every one of them truthfully.

I am concerned for you and everything about you - always have been and always will be!!

Love,

Bub

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2004-06-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Another owlgram for you. I would really like it if you would call me. I don't understand why you haven't. I hope that finals are going well for you, and that you have fun plans for the summer. It would be nice if you could come here for a visit. I don't expect that such a visit will happen. In fact, I don't expect anything. I keep hoping, but I expect nothing.

Still, one does have to hope.

Just be who and what you know you are, and don't try to be who or what you are not.

love,

Bub

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2004-06-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

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The defects in that house were/are very real and have nothing at all to do with Amy, yet she's got Amy involved........or does she?

Since I haven't been able to communicate with Amy freely for more than four years, and since I'm 2,000 miles away, I don't have any sense that I am communicating with Amy now. I feel like I am communicating with my ex-wife or her new husband.

If the real defects have really been fixed PERMANENTLY, and if the "non-existant" defects really are non-existant, then closer inspection should be welcomed by any honest seller. From the response it looks like there really is something about that house she wants to hide from a potential buyer...........

Love,

Bub

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2004-05-30T18:33:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

I removed the earlier post with the ad about the house because I don't want this to be a toxic site. This is a site for you, about you, about me, and about computer viruses (for the possible benefit of others who read this). I am weary of her.

I'm going to grill some dinner, and then Laura and I are going to walk down to watch the sun set. You should call. There is not any law which says you can't.

You just have to decide to do it. If she has told you that you can't call me...then call me anyway.

As it is, she suspects that you have already called me - so you might as well just do it. Since she treats you like you ARE guilty, you should have the fun of the "crimes" which she has already decided that you guilty of. You should stand up for yourself and your own rights of self-determination.

For your own well-being and sanity, begin to honor your inner being before she vandalizes it, disfigures it, and obscures your creativity with the spray-painted graffiti of her unique type of personality.

I'd love to hear your voice again.
Gotta go........

With my love,

Bub

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2004-05-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

I just wanted to tell you that I love you, and hope to hear about the events in your life. I want to hear you tell me about the important people and things in your life and I want to hear about you....from you with no spies. Maybe we can talk soon?

I wish you success with your finals, and hope to be able to see you both in person, and photographically soon. It's hard to believe that my "kid" is about to be a senior!!
Photoblog will occur soon.

Love,

Bub

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2004-05-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

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A very happy person from Hong Kong just sent me the following, which he found on a Computer forum hosted in England:

"CoolWWW, about:blank, LopDotCom, Zestyfind, CWS, Startpage.4.ap and virtually all of the other rubbish out there CAN be gotten off of your computer, and CAN be KEPT off your computer. There are several free programmes which are somewhat effective part of the time. There are two programmes which work all of the time. They, however, are not free.

If you go to http://bubdaddy.blogspot.com/ you will find secure links for downloading the free stuff, and secure links to the manufacturers if you want to order the stuff that really works.

See the May 24 and May 25 posts, and also the April 21 post. In fact, visit them in chronological order. There are a lot of photos and personal messages there, but the PC security information is tested, accurate, and reliable.

If you're going the free route, take notice of the difference between MERIJIN.ORG AND MERIJN.org - the former is a conduit to the type of rubbish you're trying to avoid....the latter is the author of COOL WEB SHREDDER. Look VERY closely at the way you type in their address!"

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2004-05-25T17:18:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy~

I was just thinking about you. I was listening to Jimmy Buffett's "Jolly Mon". I really wish that I could write to you directly. Perhaps you will call me sometime.

Last week, and over the weekend, I spoke with friends and ex-neighbors and they provided me with information I had not previously known. I called to ask whether they would be willing to help you if it became necessary.

If I didn't have cause for concern about your well-being, I wouldn't have called those people at all. When I learn that you are in a dangerous or unstable situation, I will always do whatever must be done to help you, while staying in compliance.

Do not allow her to bully you or accuse you of things you didn't do. Her game only works if people are intimidated by her. If you are in the right, and you know that you are right, then state your position and remove yourself from her game. She will simply have to find another victim.

Since there is no restriction on staying in contact with people I like, I still call them, and they still call me. They all know absolutely everything about what's gone on and are amazed that she thinks that she can keep you incommnicado in her bottle forever.

The reality of my life is that I am not interested in my ex-wife and her new husband. I don't want to know ANYTHING about them.
I am only interested in you and in your happiness and well-being.

By keeping you isolated, censored, and repressed she encourages people who remember that I was the parent who cared for you to continue to relay information about you to me.

These friends and neighbors and colleagues tell me things because they are concerned about you. They tell me things because they they care about you, and because they are trying to help you and me.

They know that I have been in shock and grief-stricken because she took you away and has kept you away.

She has been awful enough to me, and horrid enough to you that I have NO interest in anything she and her new husband EVER do. I am concerned for you, and what she might do to you next.

I am weary of her legal wrangling, her sneaking about, and her connivances. I am weary of her in toto. I moved as far away from her as I could get and still remain in the contiguous 48 states.

********* END of that dismal part *************

It's probably pretty dark there now. The sun is shining brightly through our West windows, and a gentle breeze rustles the palms occasionally. It's really pretty here. It took me a while to get used to it, but I'm well acclimated now, and have even gotten accustomed to the very rude drivers who seem to all be going 90 - 95 mph (literally!). Very few people in California's driver's education program seem to have learned about the little "stick" on the left side of the steering column. I think they hang things from it. They don't use it to signal! They suddenly change lanes and seem to enjoy the terror they inflict on other drivers.

I just get way over to the right, but not all the way to the right because the right lane frequently turns into exits, or ramps leading to Los Angeles. I've been shunted off the freeways and sent toward Mexico, L.A., or Tucson too many times to fall for it anymore.

The number of cars and the frantic pace at which they move is amazing! Huge trucks so big as to be impossible to park, are racing through traffic with tiny, tweaked, hot Hondas and Harley Davidsons with awful, noisy engines. This whole state vibrates with energy.

Speaking of vibrating...I still haven't felt any earthquakes, but I've seen the rest of the country laid to waste by hurricanes, tornadoes, lightning, and floods. I saw WGN news at noon today and saw that your area is pretty soaked and more water is coming your way!

~I love you~

Daddy

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2004-05-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

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Update on spyware and adware and trojans:

I disabled GhostSurf Pro so that I could access a site I had told it to block. I forgot to re-enable it. Laura read her email, and a pop-up from the LA Times appeared. She closed it, and I re-enabled GhostSurf Pro. Too late!!

When she tried to go to the internet.........Cool Web Search was waiting there as the new home page.

I used PestPatrol and it found that CWS had installed itself in 2 locations on the hard drive. It took a complete, thorough scan to discover both installations. If you're scanning for pests, update your software before you scan and allow it run until it finishes.

PestPatrol has gotten rid of it again, but I re-learned that it only takes a second or two for that junk to sneak back into your computer!

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2004-05-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy.

You are the only 17 year old I know who is forbidden to make regular, unmonitored contact with your loving parent, whose incoming mail is censored or thrown away........I'm hoping that you will be able to recover from the things she's put you through.

I wish I could have seen you as you have been growing up these past years. I wish I had been permitted to get calls from you, real letters from you,emails from you, photographs of you and I wish I could have just enjoyed your company and seen you performing at games.........

I really wish we could communicate openly, and I wish that we could be together and just try to rebuild the stolen years. I've never stopped loving you, and will continue to love you as long as I live.

All I want is a normal, unrestricted relationship with you. Your mother can keep all of the things she took from me. I just want a normal relationship with you.

Sometimes it gets very lonely writing here, but I firmly believe that writing here has been therapeutic, and Oprah might even read this and try to contact you!)(hint!)

I get lots of compliments about my photos, and people are very interested in you and "Mommie Dearest". Since we can't communicate freely, this is my only venue for the expression of my thoughts and feelings, hoping that you are able to see what I've written.

Go OPRAH!! I'd love to see the show where Dr. Phil interviews your mother and tries to understand how she thinks that being cruel and abusive to you (and me) will make you a better person!!!

Love,

Daddy

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2004-05-23T15:57:00.000-07:00

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Here's an updated post with new information on:

REG.Startpage.CO trojan
CWS.GoogleMS.3
js.search.cc
about:blank

each of the four items above indicates the presence of trouble in your PC. They are renewed or recycled forms of Cool Web Search, CoolWWW, Zestyfind, and other home page hijackers which never seem to go away. You CAN get rid of them, but be certain that you order the software from SECURE links. Otherwise, you're just downloading more trouble. Only order or download software from the manufacturers. I've placed secure links here to assure that you don't get fooled into downloading viruses or spyware.

I've found and installed a good piece of software which digs out the roots of those pests and quarantines them. It wasn't free but it is very effective. It's called PestPatrol.

I just went to sites which are infested with CWS, CoolWWW, Hitbox, Tribalfusion, LopDotCom, Zestyfind and got re-infected with those pests. I used the PestPatrol in an effort to prove to myself that it really is as good as it seems to be......I've been testing it all of last week. I use a "test" computer" for trying out software on viruses...don't try to get infected unless you have a "garbage computer" you don't care about.

I'm back already. It took me less than 10 minutes to get my junk PC infected with CoolWWW, Cool Web Search, about:blank, HomeOldSp, and virtually all of the current spyware as well as some other bothersome hijacking trojans.

I updated PestPatrol, and it removed the new versions of all of the stuff I just deliberately got my "test" PC infected with. It even found a few traces left behind by other programs.

My ABSOLUTE favorite for removal of spyware, adware, and trojans is PestPatrol, which you can order from the manufacturer by clicking this link.

My ABSOLUTE favorite for PREVENTING future invasions of spyware, adware, and trojans is GhostSurf Pro, which you can order from the manufacturer by clicking the link at the bottom of this page.

My favorite anti-virus software is AVG, which you can get for free from the manufacturer by clicking the appropriate link in the April 21, 2004 post below.

My other favorite anti-spyware, anti-adware program is Ad-aware 6.0 by Lavasoft and is also free. You can get from the manufacturer by clicking on the link in the April 21, 2004 post below.

It's an awful feeling to switch on your PC and see that your choices have been changed by someone with malicious intent. My new hobby is finding ways to stay ahead of these cockroach-like programmers. When I find new programs to combat them, I test them and report the results here.

Be sure to check the April 21, 2004 post for more information on the free programs.

2004-05-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Positive things are going on in appropriate places. Important people who are powerful know about it. It will get better. In your situation, I would use the phone and call someone like...... me! I hope that you are aware that the Ros....s and the Mah........s have my address and phone number. You are not prohibited legally from calling me, and the mediator told your mother that it was good for you to have regular contact with me.

There are pay phones everywhere and you can tell the operator to make it a "collect call". Your friends want to help you also.
NO ONE can monitor every pay telephone, and your closest friends also have secure telephones as well as cell phones.

People in your neighborhood want to help you, people in Vernon Hills want to help you, people in Gregg's Landing want to help you, people in Libertyville want to help you...........you have made a lot of friends and they want to help you. You are a wonderful person to have made so many friends....you must allow them to help you if it becomes necessary.

Keep strong and hold on to your inner being and your spirit and who you are. You ARE the better person, and your personal power and strength may unnerve them so they will try to diminish, intimidate, and control you with fear and threats. Don't be bullied or frightened. Stay centered. Stay in control of you. Your inner self is telling you what's right and what's not. Listen to it. Believe in yourself.

Talk with your friends and be very honest with them about everything. Do not hide ANYTHING. You need to have a network of friends who will help you. You are a wonderful person and the community is willing and ready to help you. You are always welcome here. LJHS gives ACT's. I've already spoken with them.

I love you!!

Daddy

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2004-05-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Just a quick note to tell you how much I love you. You are deeply and dearly loved by me, and there is no reason for you to ever doubt your own worth, your value, and your being. YOU ARE LOVED and CARED ABOUT by me, and you are still the better person. You always were, and always will be. No one can take that away from you. I am horrified that anyone would want to.

I celebrate your indviduality, your innovative mind, your intellect, your love, your imagination, your spirit, your innate goodness, and your many other substantial abilities, and your beauty...internal and external. If others can't see those qualities, or worse, try to crush them and erase them, then you already know what kind of people those are, and you know that it better to step around dog poop than in it.

I've been out taking pics of La Jolla today, and will reduce their size so that I can post them here.

I've been thinking about you all day, hoping that you are doing well. In the meantime, here are a few photos of our little world of La Jolla. You can also look LJ up online if you are permitted to so.

Here are a few copies of something you gave me for Father's day a long time ago (it seems like a long time ago.

Always remember that YOU ARE A TRULY AMAZING AND LOVABLE, WONDERFUL DAUGHTER!

More pics to follow. I have to reduce the size of the ones I took today.

img src="http://bubdaddy.blogspot.com/La Jolla Bishop;s sunset.jpg" />

I love you,

Bub

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2004-05-19T10:19:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Here's me last Sunday in a town called Lemon Grove, where in many cases, the pickup trucks are larger than the houses, as you will see in subsequent posts. On the back of this giant truck is a decal which says "Sucking gas and hauling a**".
You can't tell from this angle, but the truck is actually longer than the house!!

(That's a Deltec Cozmo insulin pump - not a cell phone. I've been improving my overall health and wellness with that little insulin pump!!)(Also, I don't have ANY money for a cell phone - and no one needs to contact me with such urgency that they can't simply leave a message on the answering machine)

Laura and I are debating whether or not we should be going back to Idyllwild this weekend, or just staying around La Jolla, soaking up the sun and the sea.

We've got masks, snorkels, and fins but the water is still too bloody cold for the likes of us!! It's as cold or colder than Lake Michigan is.....that's one little detail which often overlooked by those who admire the beauty of California(especially ME!!). Still, in a month it will be relatively comfortable to swim in. The surfers all wear wetsuits and they spend as much of the year as they can in the Pacific.

I love this place and all of its diversity and activity, but I miss thunderstorms, which don't occur along the coast.

"Ohhhh give a home among the gum trees,
with lots of plum trees,
A sheep or two and a kangaroo,
clothesline out the back,
veranda out the front
and an old rocking chair!"

I forgot the name of the band that sang that. Do you remember? Never mind, I just remembered that it was "Bullamakanka"

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gotta go get a haircut...........more pics to follow.

With all of my love

Bub

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2004-05-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

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Another re-issue of a tired old Home Page HiJacker is going around. It's called: REG.startup.CO trojan. The same pest exists with slightly different names, but its goal is to take control of your homepage.

I was surprised that AVG didn't detect it. It was discovered by EZTRUST Anti Virus which you can download from Computer Associates by clicking on this link

I don't understand why people think we will buy things from their websites if they screw up our computers. For more on defending your PC, scroll down to the April 21, 2004 post.

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2004-05-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

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Hi Amester!

I just heard a really cool song called "California" on the internet. It touched on many things I think you'd like including "the 101". Laura and I have driven down "The 101", also known as the Pacific Coast Highway, or just "PCH". It winds along the coast, through some very beautiful country.

As always, beautiful places attract too many people, so there are a lot of surf board stores, skate board stores, stores which rent those little two-wheel Segway things, taco shops, and other things on the way, but since they seem "UNIQUE" to the sunny outdoor culture of the California coast, I find them more a curiosity than an annoyance.

I enjoyed the song so much that I looked up the lyrics. They resonate with purpose and the strength and courage of the simple decision "to go to California". As one who has done it, I can say that leaving you was the only difficult part of "going to California" and that leaving you there in her clutches was THE most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. I knew that I couldn't help you, or even help myself until I recovered from the consequences of her evildoing, and from her continual verbal and emotional abuse.

Because she had lied to misuse the law to her advantage, she could prevent us from having anything which resembled a normal relationship. I had to either stay and allow her to continue to spit in my face, or leave and try to recover from the total, overwhelming shock and devastation of losing you and being legally dispossessed of my property.

During the few meetings she permitted us to have, she took cruel pleasure in humiliating me and abusing me in front of you, and in front of the patrons of the public places in which she allowed us to meet for a few minutes every two or three weeks. Because she controlled those meetings and could end them at any time, I was powerless. To paraphrase: "Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely". She was absolutely corrupted by the power she had perjured herself to obtain.

I had to leave that endless, constant abuse which your mother enjoyed inflicting on both of us, and I had to find a place and a way to rebuild myself, in the hope that we would be able to reunite soon. The owls are flying!! They will keep flying until our lives are normal again. I love you and intend to make certain that you know that.

For most people, the hardest part of going to California is simply getting a ticket on JetBlue and packing their bags - I had to leave you, the person I loved more than all others and all else. I saw you crying as your mother sped away into the night, and I cried too. I saw that you were able to manage a tiny "goodbye" wave, and I knew that you did so at the risk of having your mother scream at you again.

For a time, I believed that you had "thrown me away" also, because you never called, you hardly ever wrote, and except for one item I sent you, you never acknowledged any of the letters or things I sent to you.

Then I sensed that your abrupt silence had all of the "signatures of your mother's handiwork" on it, and I decided to learn how to create an internet presence which you might find someday. I told myself that all of the time we had spent together and all of the little adventures we had gone on together, and all of the love we had experienced together could not possibly have died so abruptly. I remembered the kiss on the envelope.

I learned how to create this site, and have been writing to you here ever since. I hope that someday you find it, and I hope that your mother and her new husband find it too, so that they may have a sense of the horror of the loss she has inflicted on us both.

I am healthier now, stronger now, happier now, and am only missing you to make my life whole again. If I were permitted to, I would send you an airline ticket. As you know, I don't have much money, but I could help you to get here, and you would be well cared for after you arrived, and for as long as you wanted to stay. You would love the freedom of your life here.

Laura is a kind, freedom-loving, free spirit who has come to know you from my stories about the things you and I did and shared together and the special relationship we had. She wears her bright red/orange/green/yellow Oakleys and zooms around in the sun in her bright blue Miata, her curly red hair flying in the wind.

She has made it abundantly clear that our guest room is yours for as long as you'd care to stay. It has a private bathroom, a separate TV/cable modem hookup and all of the other goodies. We're four blocks from the Pacific, and very close to the high school too. Our next door neighbor has a daughter about your age who is a cheerleader at the high school.

CALIFORNIA (lyrics by Phantom Planet)
We've been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for number one
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Hustlers grab your guns
Your shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California here we come
Right back where we started from
California (California...) here we come
On the stereo
Listen as we go
Nothings gonna stop me now
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Pedal to the floor
Thinking of the roar
Gotta get us to the show
California here we come
Right back where we started from
California (California...) here we come

As I said, the lyrics are powerful, and filled with resolve, and sound like the anthem of a person who's decided to go to California, and they mean a lot to me, on many levels.

I never know if you're able to read anything I write to you, but I will continue to write to you here

I love you,

Bub
(soon, I'll post a photo of me taken yesterday...I hope that you see it someday.)

2004-05-16T10:43:00.001-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Just a few thoughts via "Owl" for you on an unusual gray day in La Jolla. I think about you every day and wonder how you're getting on . There is no difference between you and the children whose faces we see on milk cartons every day. You have been "legally kidnapped" by your mother, who is like an evil witch, holding the beautiful princess prisoner in her castle.

I know that it is a nice castle because she and her attorneys somehow contrived to steal it from me at a time when I was in no mental, emotional, or physical condition to make any decision including what to eat and what time to go to bed, much less how to dispose of my half of the marital estate. The prescriptions I was taking rendered me incapable of making sound, informed decisions......and she and her attorney knew it.

Doctors, psychiatrists, and legal people I've consulted with since arriving in California are unanimous in their disbelief that any government in modern America allowed such a legal connivance to occur. Enough said about that(for the time being).

It is difficult to write these letters because I have the feeling that you will never see them, but I will keep writing here because it is the only way I have of expressing my thoughts and my love for you.

I would love it if you could find a way to contact me by email, letter, or AIM instant messenger. If you are careful, use a PC at a library or a friend's home and "cover your tracks", you can contact me without fear of more reprisal from your mother or her new husband. You are a teenager and certainly old enough and smart enough to be able to write a letter, make a phone call, or send an email.

Since you don't seem to ever see these statements, they seem to be without purpose, but I feel that they are therapeutic for me, and I continue to hold the hope that you will be able to read them one day, and you will know that I never stopped loving you and that I never gave up in spite of what she may have done or told you.

I love you, miss you, want to re-establish the relationship with you that we had (given allowances for the time she's stolen from us and given the fact that you are no longer a little girl, and given the fact that I have now certain limitations which affect the things I can do. They won't be apparent, but I'll tell you about them when we meet).

I'll send you more letters by US Post, but inasmuch as your mother and the new guy apparently intercept the mail I send you and dispose of it, or prevent you from receiving it, I think that "Owls" may be the better way of expressing my thoughts and feelings. I have sent you this email address previously but I'm certain that they've intercepted that information and have denied you access to it, or threatened you, your security, your well-being and your safety.

Given the nature of inevitability, I feel that someday you may be curious to see if any information about you is on the internet. If and when you finally make that search, you will find this place and finally will know that I have been trying to keep you in my life and they have been trying to make you think that I have given up on you. I haven't done that, and I NEVER will!! I've been sending you a steady stream of postcards, letters, gifts of all sorts, and have only received a few highly censored letters which fail to acknowldge 99.5% of what I've sent you.

The fact that they intercepted the card I sent you for Christmas and presumably took the money from it still astounds me, but the reality of your situation is that nothing those two do should astound anyone. I'm sorry that you have had to endure life with them for these past years. You have a lot invested in your high school life and activities, but if things become intolerable, you can always stay in La Jolla with us. LJ High is only a few blocks away, as is the ocean.

No matter what she has been telling you.....you DO have GOOD, STRONG, VIABLE choices available to you.

I love you Amy,

Bub

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2004-05-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

Here are some owls for you: Their message is: "I love you and miss you every day."

Love,

Bub
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2004-05-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

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An old, but hated enemy is back in a new form! A Trojan Horse Home Page HiJacker is in circulation under the following name:

Startpage.4.AP

AVG will find it and quarantine it during its scheduled daily scan.

You can get AVG for free from the link on the April 21, 2004 post.

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2004-05-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

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The owls are like those in Harry Potter - they're messengers.
...bugfish" is .5 of what the captions from the Owls say

2004-05-10T16:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Amy,

Yesterday was Mother's Day, and as I listened to the cheery conversations Laura had with her children, it reminded me how much I miss you and the happiness that comes with you.

By taking you away with lies,innuendo, and fabrications, your mother has inflicted a deeper, longer-lasting pain on me than even she could have ever hoped for.

Pain was what she sought inflict, and I don't believe that she cared what damage she inflicted on you as long as she was able to damage me.

She did damage me, and continues to damage me, but she can never damage or diminish the love I have for you. You are my daughter, and I will always love you, and she is powerless to ever alter that.

This last Saturday, Laura and I went to Idyllwild since Borrego is now too hot for almost everything. I've posted a few pics from Idyllwild, and a few from Torrey Pines taken in April. The skies as you see them in these photos are as they appear most of the year here, and since coming here, I haven't worn anything warmer than an old sweatshirt. NO jacket, no hat, no gloves, no snow, no ice, no mosquitoes................you'd love it here, and there is a private bedroom with its own private bath waiting for you when you're ready and able to come here.(We're 4 blocks from the beach)

Torrey Pines is 5 miles from here, the Borrego desert is only a 90 minute drive from here, as is Idyllwild. There will be more pics from Idyllwild and the surrounding area in weeks to come. We are thinking of hiking over the mountains (Lily Rock) to Palm Springs which is only 8 miles away. We would both have a lot of conditioning to do before we attempt it, and we have to decide whether we want to do it. It wouldn't cost any more than a five dollar parking fee and a couple of sandwiches and some water!

Mexico is only 20 miles from here, but we haven't even begun to look in that direction as an exciting new place to explore because the law is so corrupt that crimes against Americans are most often committed by the Mexican police themselves.

We'd both love to experience Mexico and its rich and colorful culture, but not as long as the corrupt police can, and do, terrorize anyone they feel "needs to be terrorized". We know that the Mexicans are a good, warm, fun-loving and industrious people, but their police set the tone for safety while in their country.

All for now.........I'll keep writing and placing captions under photos for you.

Love,

Bub

"Looking up........."

"If you look closely, you can see a climber at the top of Lily Rock" (The climbers call it Tahlquitz because "climbing Lily Rock doesn't sound very macho"

"A fork in the river"

"Lake Fulmor...many of the Jeffrey Pines are blighted, so it looks like an Autumn scene...Jeffrey Pines smell like vanilla!!"

"Sailplanes below the cliffs at Torrey Pines (5 miles from here)

"His wingtip came very close to us!"

"Fly to the sun...

...Bugfish"

Well Bugfish, is it a beautiful place?

2004-05-06T13:30:00.000-07:00

To those of you who have read the post of April 21, 2004, bought GhostSurf and have written to tell me that it worked for you..... thank you for your emails! (172 of you so far - that's almost more email than I got all last year!)

I'm glad to know that GhostSurf has also enabled you to regain control of your PC's!!

Remember that I didn't write the software.....Tenebril did, so your thanks and praise are really due to them. I am happy to have done my little bit in the war against CoolWWW. Cool Web Search, ZestyFind, LopDotCom, and all of the popups, spyware, and adware.

In the short time I've had GhostSurf Pro installed, I have not updated any of my defenses, and have had NO new occurences of CoolWWW. Cool Web Search, ZestyFind, LopDotCom, and all of the popups, spyware, and adware!!

GhostSurf has blocked 2,916 ads, 12,729 cookies, and 5,151 images in the short time that I've had it installed. It has blocked ALL popups. I am in control of my PC again.

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2004-05-03T22:01:00.000-07:00

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For CoolWWW, RPC Doom, Sasser Worm, NetSky,Jdbe, LopDotCom, adware and Spyware information, go to the post of April 21, 2004.

My advice is that you order the full version of GhostSurf Pro and be done FOREVER with all of the frustration that trojans, Cool WWW, Home OldSP, home page hijackers, and RPC Doom popups produce - otherwise you will be on the internet forever, looking for "free" software which doesn't really work. Ghost Surf also eliminates your internet surfing history, and it eliminates ALL popups.

The company which makes it is Tenebril. Do not order GhostSurf Pro from any link other than Tenebril or you might be paying for a program which has spyware, adware, and trojans embedded in it. The links to Tenebril are in the April 21, 2004 post below. If you see it on the internet for less....be careful, and be suspicious.
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*For Amy...my letters to you are just below this post
love,

Bub

2004-05-03T15:50:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amester,

It's a beautiful, sunny day in La Jolla! The sky is blue, the sun is bright and warm and is sparkling on the deep blue Pacific. The air is neither humid nor dry. It's the second best place to live in the whole world. I think that the best place to live is in the Canary Islands, but since I'm unlikely to ever go there, I'm very happy with the weather I have. I'm going to put last night's sunset at the end of this post so that you can share in some of this beauty if you ever find this blog.

It is, of course, my hope that someday, you will find this place, and will be able to make contact with me, and we can go over the stolen years and fill in the horrible blanks for each other.

I had a nightmare a couple of nights ago in which Laura and I went on a 28 day Princess cruise from San Diego to Ft. Lauderdale via the Panama canal, stopping at all of the cool little islands on the way. Once the ship got to Ft. Lauderdale, it turned around and went back to San Diego, stopping at different islands. I've never cruised that line, but a recent ad on TV showing that their new ships all had a mini-Rodeo Drive shopping arcade in the center of them, and remembering that you always loved expensive purses, shoes, accessories and clothes must be the reason I selected it in my dream/nightmare.

What made this wonderful trip a nightmare was that your mother found out that Laura and I were going, and she booked herself and the new husband on it, and then tried to ruin everything that Laura and I did. Each time we switched dinner tables to get away from her, she paid off the maitre d' and followed us. Each time we went ashore, she and her new husband went where we did. She pitched fits in front of us in every port and embarassed everyone who witnessed her outbursts.

Her real outbursts and tantrums in Antigua and at Disneyworld(swimming with the sharks) were actually worse than her outbursts in my nightmare. There were more of them in my nightmare though.

She gave money to the people in the cabin next to ours so that she and the new guy could move in next to us. Every time Laura and I went out on our balcony, she came out there and started screaming at us, and at him. He never said anything. He just followed her around scowling at everything, agreeing with everything she said.

She was willing to spend huge sums to cause grief, not just for me, for for everyone on the ship and in each port. Thank God it was just a dream (Or was it??)(Hasn't she already done things like that?).

I awakened and didn't see her or her shortened new husband. I gasped, shook off the nightmare, and then went and made a pot of coffee.

I will always keep writing to you here, because I will never give up hope that you will someday find this place and re-enter my life. I have loved you since before you were born, and I have never stopped loving you and I never will stop loving you. You are always welcome here with us for as long as you want to stay - anytime.

Your mother has no power or ability to ever stop me from loving you. I'm certain that she is censoring my letters to you, and I truly believe that she has thrown away several of the letters and gifts I've sent you. I will continue to tell you that I love you when I send letters to you via the US Postal Service. If you never get those letters, she will know that she can never stop me from loving you because she can't control herself sufficiently to not read them.

I hope that she, and especially he, are not abusing you.......in any way. Mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, or other types of abuse are intolerable and are also criminal, and I feel horrible that I can't be there to protect you.

Remember (if you can read this)that I have never stopped loving you, and there has never been a day when I didn't miss you or become sad thinking about how her cruelty has affected us.

"Sunset last night....only 4 blocks from our home"

"......and another one from La Jolla!"

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With all of my love,

Bub

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2004-04-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

I want to point out that my remarks about your mother are not made solely to criticize her, but to attempt to enable you to remember her as she was and still is, and to enable you to understand both sides of the picture. She has paid counsellors and therapists to re-define reality for you, and I want to ensure that you remember the reality of her that was REAL. I have not forgotten her actions and past behaviour, and I am trying to ensure that you don't "forget" them too.

In your situation, you may have had to repress those memories of her in order to survive.

She is what she is. I don't want to change her. I never did want to change her. No one can change her, and no one ever will.

I don't even want to criticize her. I am only concerned for you and how she treats you, and I am concerned by what she has done to you and told you.

Since she has cut us off so completely, I haven't known what you're thinking because you've never been allowed to tell me, except for the 3 Sundays when we were left alone to bowl together. I never asked you about her, or suggested that you should in any way behave in a negative way toward her. I allowed you to express yourself freely, truthfully, and without fear of reprisal.

She ended those fun meetings because she said that you "were a completely different child after only 3 hours!!!" You innocently tried to speak to her later in the day or week as openly as you had spoken to me, and she shut us both down for it.

She's never allowed you to speak freely, so I don't expect to hear your true thoughts for many years...if ever.

For my part.........I will be the best "me" I can be when next we meet. Coming to California to heal and get away from her constantly mean and demeaning behaviour was at the heart of my reason to come here. She had known of my intended move for weeks, but didn't bother to mention it to until 5 minutes before we met for the last time, and then she decided to ruin our last meeting by abusive yelling and arguing and then she decided to end it abruptly, and the last I've seen of you was your tear-streaked face and your little "good-bye" wave.

I keep bringing up her aberrant behaviour because I don't want you to forget it, or worse, have you think of it as "normal".

Love,

Bub
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2004-04-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

We're leaving in 10 minutes for the desert. It will likely be our last trip out there until late Autumn because of the intense heat. As always, I'll be thinking of you. I really hope that you've realize that you have been swindled.

I know that if I were in your place, I would have found a way to communicate, and would have done so.

love,

Bub
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2004-04-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

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Dear Amy,

I may be a fool for believing that you can read anything which I write to you, and I may be an even bigger fool for believing that you still love me. I will die as a fool, because I will never stop loving you.....my daughter.

Your mother can't extinguish or diminish my love for you, and I hope that she hasn't been able to undo your love for me.

I will always love you..........no matter what she has done to you, or what she has represented to you. Remember that the "therapists" and "experts" she took you to see were all briefed by her alone, and with the exception of school personnel, they were paid by her to lead you to her version of the truth.

In the courts, they call it "Leading the witness". The military and the intelligence services call it "brainwashing", and it is an unspeakably cruel act to inflict it on a young person caught up in an awful event in her life. "Therapists", like other people in business, do as they are told by their employer...who is the person who is paying them.

It is naieve to believe otherwise.

"Therapists" are frauds in the same way the fortune tellers, psychiatrists, palm readers, and Ouija boards are.

I am so sorry that she was able to do that to you.

As I said............I will always love you. You are welcome to join us in La Jolla whenever you choose to come.

With all of my love,

Bub

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2004-04-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

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If you're concened about the SASSER WORM, or NetSky, download a free trial version of PC-Cillin from Trend Micro.UPDATE ALL OF YOUR DEFENSES DAILY!!!

DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT FROM ANY OTHER SITE, NO MATTER HOW LEGITIMATE IT MAY APPEAR.

MANY SITES OFFER TO HELP YOU GET CoolWWW OFF OF YOUR COMPUTER - SOME OF THEM ARE THE MEANS BY WHICH CoolWWW is installed, and re-installed, and updated and re-installed and so on....................

CoolWWW cannot be gotten rid of by Cool Web Shredder........it may be "removed", but it is only a very temporary repair...... it will always permutate and will always return. You MUST update your defenses DAILY!

Be alert and pay close attention to your TYPING SKILLS. There is a malicious site named "merijin.org". The legitimate site is "merijn.org", and it is the origin of Cool Web Shredder software.

If you have been alarmed by the RPC Doom Virus Detected Pop-up "Warning", DO NOT CLICK THE "DISINFECT" TAB!! Instead, press Ctrl-Alt-Del and highlight the warning in the Windows task manager. Click "End Task". If you've already clicked "Disinfect" you've almost surely downloaded something nasty, so read on and you'll learn how to get rid of it - forever!

If you have any concerns about the health of your PC, go to this link and download AVG. It's an EXCELLENT, COMPREHENSIVE anti-virus tool which does not screw up Windows like Norton sometimes can (and does). It's also FREE. If you keep AVG updated daily, you should not have any more trouble with infections.

AGAIN.....do not download it from any site other than Grisoft's site. If you do, you are welcoming mischief.

Another secure, comprehensive virus scan of your computer can be made by clicking this link to Trend Micro, which has a highly respected FREE product called Housecall.

Now, for SpyWare, Adware, Malware, tracking cookies, and "pestware" in general:

Go to this site and download Ad-aware. It is an excellent FREE tool for the removal of parasites. It does NOT prevent them from reoccurring or returning. It is only a short term repair.

Garbage like Lopdotcom, Tribalfusion, Zedo, Hitbox, NetCounter, NetStats,Maxserving, atwola, and other tracking cookies are easily deleted by a daily use of Ad-aware, but they will be back almost as soon as you've gone on the internet.

I update ALL of my defense software DAILY because the fools who write parasitic code update their fecalware daily.

HiJackThis, and BHO Demon are also very useful tools, and both are free.

At this time, I don't recommend using any of the other free utilities.

Everyone should go to this Microsoft site and download the appropriate software patches.

HomeOldSP cannot be gotten rid of with AVG. The repair is temporary, so it is really not a repair.

If you don't want to have to use 3 or 4 or 5 free programs every day and don't want to spend the time to update them DAILY, but you want to permanently remove CoolWWW, Home OldSP, Cool Web Search, LopDotCom, TribalFusion, Zedo, RPC DOOM WARNINGS, atwola, akamai, and all other types of Spyware, Adware, Tracking Cookies, and other Malware that's out there, then you should get GhostSurf Pro.

If you have visited this site before, you know that I've been trying all of the free software that's available online. I have suggested that you all update your defenses daily because CoolWWW keeps coming back in a new, permutated form.

None of these free software programs has been able to permanently eliminate the hijackers, redirects, popups, or other hidden links to bad sites.

GhostSurf Pro is an effective piece of software which does what you hope all of the free software will do, but it is not free.

After months of frustration and annoyance at having my home page hijacked every day, I would have been glad to pay anyone almost any price to get rid of Cool WWW and the other Home Page Hijackers!!

Microsoft can't get rid of Cool WWW and the other Home Page Hijackers!!

Norton can't get rid of Cool WWW and the other Home Page Hijackers!!

MacAfee can't get rid of Cool WWW and the other Home Page Hijackers!!

I bought the full copy of GhostSurf Pro from Tenebril, and I now own my PC again!

It has defeated CoolWWW, RPC Doom Warning,Cool Web Search, Spyware, Adware, Tribal Fusion, Lopdotcom, Home OldSP and EVERY tracking cookie I choose to ban from entering my computer.

If you scroll to the bottom of this page, I've placed a link to the company which makes GhostSurf Pro, and you can order it directly from them......or you can keep trying the free software I've listed in earlier posts, but you'll still have to keep updating them at least once a day.

For the last 6 days....I haven't updated any of my defenses. I've set Ghost Surf Pro to update itself daily. I have been able to see every attempt made by sites to Hijack my home page, and I've been able to see every site which attempts to place a tracking cookie on my computer, and I've been able to block them before they can do their dirty work. I've also been able to keep sites from placing images and popups on my computer.

I've set GhostSurf Pro so that it automatically blocks all new attempts to gather ANY information from my computer. It also wipes out all traces of my private online surfing. No one can build a profile of me from my personal online browsing, and I like that feature of GhostSurf Pro very much!

My only regret is that I didn't learn about it earlier. I'm happier because I have control of my computer again.

IF you decide to purchase GhostSurf Pro, order it ONLY from Tenebril. There is a link to their site at the bottom of this page. Any other source of GhostSurf Pro may be a copy containing the trojans and spyware you are trying to eliminate.
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2004-04-16T16:20:00.000-07:00
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Dear Amy,

I really don't know if you've been getting anything I've sent you in the mail. I feel that your mother and her new husband have been intercepting my mail to you and throwing it away. I don't even know if you've ever read any of this, or seen any of the photos I've sent you or any of those which I've posted here.

In the past, you've alluded to how long it's been since you've heard from me, yet I've been very faithful and consistent in my letter writing to you. I even established this site so that you could contact me from a public library or a friend's house if you chose to, but you never have.

I hear nothing for months, and then I receive a letter from you in an envelope addressed by your mother. Your mother's new husband even changed the return address she put on one of the letters and replaced it with one of his own.

It took 3 people to send that letter! You to write it, your mother to address it, and the new guy to re-address it. One of the letters you wrote to me had been pried open by the person who mailed it, and then poorly resealed.

Murderers in prison are not as controlled and censored as you are.

All I want to do is be able to tell you that I love you, give you a hug, talk with you freely, answer the questions you must be exploding with, and just see you again.

I do not believe that any of those are unreasonable requests, and I am still stunned that your mother was able to have the law aid her in "stealing" you. At the time she did that, I was being treated for depression by too many doctors and was being given too many prescriptions.

Her skullduggery was accomplished while I was severely depressed, and influenced by those medications, or in the hospital. I was unable to defend myself, or you. She took advantage of that situation, and for some reason, has continued her campaign of hate.

Somehow, during that period when I was being prescribed too many anti-depressants by too many doctors, she gained legal contol of the marital estate in exchange for a fraction of its value. I don't remember any of that, but your aunt Susie told me that it seems that I signed somthing. Clearly, she and her attorney took advantage of my impaired state and the effects of the prescriptions on my ability to think clearly.

Even though the court directed her to return my personal effects, she has kept my stereo equipment and speakers, my tools, all of the photos and videos I took, and many other personal items. She chooses which laws she will obey, and lies readily to obtain what she wants from the law.

All that I REALLY want from her is free, unrestricted communication with you. If you don't want that, then I will have to hear that from you when you are not in any position to be influenced by her. She always was a bully, and still is.
She's kept us apart for 4 years. I honestly don't understand what reason she has for doing that.

No one else who reads this understands her motives either. Neither do her colleagues. Neither do your neighbors. Neither do most of her relatives.

Since I don't know if you are receiving my letters and cards............I will continue to post here and hope that you're able to read them.

Like the owls in Harry Potter, I will keep trying until I am able to reach you, and you are able to reach me!!

In the movies, they always say that the pain will go away........I can tell you that it never does. It gets worse. I remember the fun we had, and try to imagine the fun that we might have had, and the relationship we might have been able to grow as you were growing up.

You were a fiery, defiant daughter when you told your mother "NO!!", as she demanded that you leave the house with her that night. Is all of that fire now gone? Has she managed to smother your love? She can't smother mine, and I will ALWAYS love you, and will welcome you in La Jolla if you want to come live here!

Tomorrow, we're going to a street fair in Encinitas with more than 400 artists and musicians.

With all of my love,

Bub

2004-04-06T15:49:00.000-07:00
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Dear Amy,

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ALL THAT I WANT IS NORMAL COMMUNICATION BETWEEN US.

love,

Bub

2004-04-06T12:41:00.000-07:00
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*For details on jdbe.exe and jdbg.exe hoaxes, and details on RPC doom virus hoax - scroll down...........enjoy the photos as you scroll! The jdbe.exe hoax, jdbg.exe hoax, RPC doom virus info is quite a way back.....keep scrolling and you'll find it!

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2004-04-06T09:46:00.000-07:00
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Amy's mother didn't believe that it was "worthwhile" for her to spend time with Amy.
She "didn't have time for that".
She believed that she should use her time by having her nails done, or her teeth bleached, or go shopping for more shoes and purses, or getting her hair bleached, or getting a pedicure and a manicure, and then spend more of the time she didn't have for Amy in a tanning salon, making it look like she was just back from another expensive vacation. She didn't feel that any of her time should be wasted in the upbringing and encouragement of Amy. NEVER in the encouragement of Amy.

Amy's mother used to drive by Amy's preschool everyday, but refused to take her there, or pick her up when preschool was over. She said that she didn't have time. I didn't have much occasion to drive that way, but I DID manage to drive Amy to preschool every day, and pick her up every day, and we had fun in the car, talking about the things which were important to her.

So that others who read the posts below this one understand them, I need to clarify the whole scenario of Amy's mother and her relationship with Amy, her daughter -------

Amy's mother NEVER accompanied Amy to sell Girl Scout cookies, or deliver them (except to her fellow teachers, and ONLY in her buildng). She never took Amyor to hunt for Beanie Babies, or the latest pens, or anything else that AMY was interested in. Only once or twice did she ever take Amy to dance practice.

Amy's mother had NO INTEREST in anything that Amy was interested in, and had no interest in anything that Amy did.

I planned Amy's birthday parties, I even baked her birthday cakes. I coached her soccer teams. I set up the team lunches at the end of each season, and I selected, ordered, and picked up the team's trophies.

Amy taught herself to make colorful little bracelets out of string, which she then sold for a profit to kids in the neighborhood, and to kids in her school. Judi refused to buy her any string when she needed more. I bought her more string and Judi flew into another rage because I did.

Amy taught herself how to do "corn-rows" and french braiding, and the little neighborhood girls paid her to do their hair. If the children came to the house when Judi was there, Judi tried to send Amy off to do some obscure chore she thought of on the spot to prevent Amy from earning money braiding hair.

As far as Amy's mother was concerned, Amy was an obstacle in her way all of the time. I tried to conceal her resentment and disinterest from Amy, but Amy was too smart for that. She knew.

She told me that she knew.

Amy's mother needed Amy for one thing, and one thing only. To her, Amy was a necessary prop in the suburban myth of the family, and a necessary prop for a first grade teacher in the Hawthorn School District. She needed to have a child in her "family" photos.

Amy was always a sweet, lovable, loving child. Judi never saw her as that. To Amy's mother, she was a thorn in the side and a pest. Amy mother only bullied Amy, and belittled her to her face. Every time she belittled Amy, I was there to tell her to stop it, and to apologize to her for treating her that way.

I've heard from our former friends, neighbors, and even some of her colleagues, apologizing to me for having believed Amy's mother's stories. They have stated that they now know that the wrong parent was awarded custody. They were disgusted by the way she used Amy as a weapon against me.

They counseled Amy's mother that trying to destroy the father-daughter relationship Amy and I had was dangerous to Amy, and even immoral. I love Amy and Amy's mother never did. She even told me on a few occasions that she didn't like Amy and found her annoying. I had always taught Amy to do what she knew was the right thing to do, and not to let anyone try to destroy her sense of self, and her self esteem. I also told her that she whould never "dumb down" for anyone. It was her mother's inability to bully Amy while I was there which led her mother to dislike Amy.

Knowing that I love Amy, it was my ex-wife's goal to hurt us both by separating us. In that, she has been more successful than at any other endeavor in her life.

Our friends, neighbors, and my ex-wife's colleagues were also disgusted with her for the way she took the house and my property away from me........while I was being treated with heavy doses of medication for clinical depression and was unable to make ANY decision of ANY magnitude.

Everyone is still amazed that she has kept all my personal belongings in defiance of a court order directing her to return my personal property. She obeys the law only when it is in her best interest to do so.
Her new husband may be too poor to afford stereo equipment of his own, so they continue to keep mine. I would like my sundial too but she has stolen that too.

It does sound like she DOES bully him. She uses him to supply the "husband face" in the "family" photos and he is a good source of frequent flier miles.

My ex-wife always insisted that Amy and I accompany her on her twice yearly forays to the antique(junk) markets in Cedarburg, Wisconsin, and Mukwonego, Wisconsin.

My ex-wife and her sister loved to arise before the sun and drive half an hour or an hour and a half to each of these junk-peddling venues where rusty old cookie cutters and, old broken tricycles, and chipped teapots were sold. They had to walk in mud, and have bratwurst, sauerkraut, and beer for breakfast.

Neither Amy nor I saw value in these activities, so we remained in Pam's uncomfortable little place, ate breakfast at McDonald's, and wandered through Toys R Us, and Menard's hardware...........and then wasted the balance of the day in front of a TV.

My ex-wife was willing to have us drive to her sister's place, and then she would make an additional drive of some 20 -30 miles to the junk fairs, but she was NEVER willing to visit the marsh at Horicon, or the Experimental Aircraft Association in Oshkosh Wisconsin. Neither of those places was any farther than the junk shows, but my ex-wife always said that they were "too far away".

I went to several junk shows with her before Amy was born, and with Amy, drove her to her sister's many more times before I told her that I didn't want to be her chauffeur anymore. Amy also told her that she didn't enjoy wasting a day in McDonald's, the toy store, and the hardware store.

My ex-wife went into a rage. A white-hot irrational rage. She does that when the "Norman Rockwell" image she has of her life is tainted by reality, or by the concerns and interests of others.

In her mind, the 3 of us would drive to Wisconsin, spend the night on an uncomfortable sofa-bed while Amy slept on the floor. She and her sister would have their mysterious rubbish shopping ritual while Amy and I wasted the day in a small condo in a town which had nothing but franchise shops and gasoline stations and a bar on every corner. Amy and I did NOT ever enjoy those plans......and Amy's mother became unstable and enraged at hearing of it.

Her "plans" were flawed, and the flaws had been pointed out to her, and she has a dangerous pathological inability to accept being "wrong". She was the only one in our family who wanted to go all that way to tromp around in the early morning cold and muck, and look at junk, and buy some of it. After Amy and I both told her that we no longer wanted to be dragged along on those trips, she tried again to convince me to drive her up there, and I told her that I would only consider going after our trip to the Horicon marsh, and the Oshkosh Experimental Aircraft Association airshow. Both were places I wanted to see.

Amazingly, she told me that those places were too far to drive to.

I told her that she could easily drive herself to her sister's place and back. She then demanded that Amy go with her, and Amy nervously said that she didn't want to go, and I told her that it would be better if she went alone since she was the only one who enjoyed her outing, and that Amy did not have to accompany her if she didn't want to.

Amy's mother then went into a sorrowful story of how she thought it was "our family tradition to go on those outings". I told her politely that it was a tradition which only she and her sister shared because Amy and I were unwilling and incidental participants.

My part of the tradition was to be her driver, and Amy's part of the tradition was to sit in the back seat. Neither of us enjoyed the "family tradition".

What followed next (and on the eve of each subsequent junk sale) was the same type of wailing and howling and then white hot irrational rage that marred our visit to Antigua years later.

I think that she and Pam have finally ceased their odd "tradition" of slogging around mucky fields filled with tents filled with old garbage, so it's not even an issue now. I don't imagine that my ex-wife has tried to entice her new husband into the muddy, sloppy fields of her flea market world.

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2004-04-05T10:17:00.000-07:00
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Dear Amy,

I think about you all of the time, but I try to find things to distract me from missing you. I write silly things here, I publish photos of day trips here, all in the hope of letting you know that I still love you and miss you, and to distract me from the pain of having lost you.

I also publish all of those things to keep me from focusing on the sadness that I feel because you were ripped out of a family life and forced to spend the last four years with a stranger of your mother's even stranger choice. The family life you were ripped out of was a shell, but at least was a familiar shelter for you.

I don't even know if you read this. I keep writing because I love you and want you to know that I've never stopped loving you. From what you said in your last letter, you are not being given all of the letters I've written to you. The fact that your last letter was written BEFORE my birthday, but not mailed by your mother until MARCH 1, 2004 tells me that she is enforcing an unnatural, unhealthy level of control over you at a time in your life when normal parents are well into the process of allowing their children MORE control over their lives.

She used to complain about how repressive her own parents were........and now she has become more repressive than they ever were.

I apologize to you for not being there. Your mother made it impossible for me to be there. Her lies and deceit made it possible for her to legally kidnap you but I apologize nonetheless. Your mother said that she was afraid that I "might strike her", but I've learned that she was doing things behind my back for which she felt any person should be stricken. Maybe God takes care of things like that, not me. I'm not a person who has ever done anything like that.

A girl should have the benefit of love and guidance of BOTH parents as she passes through the various stages of growth from infancy to womanhood. I feel so very sad and miserable that I was prevented from being there with you for the last 4 - 5 years.

She has prevented you from sending normal letters, photos, emails, and from making phone calls. She has even prevented you from addressing and mailing the few letters you have sent! I'm sorry that you were subjected to all of that weirdness, and I strongly hope that you will recover from having been subjected to it.

I think about how it must be for you to go through each day with her weirdness as your model for "normalcy", and I hope and pray that you spend time with friends like the Rossetts, who are the most decent, normal, successful people I have EVER known. I don't know if you and Caroline are close. If not, I hope that you are still able to regard your mother as the same person we both knew her to be all those years ago. (Remember when she would decide to throw our things away and we would rescue each other's belongings if we saw them first??)

It is my hope that you are able to put her in her proper perspective as a woman who has serious mental and emotional problems, and detach yourself from her and become your own person. The new guy? Absent....Predictable........Grumpy....and sufficiently full of himself to match her.

She was always too busy for both of us. When you were a child, she had no time for you, but has dedicated her life to erasing me from your life and memory. Since she was never there to do anything with you, I wonder what she thinks will fill the void she has tried to create in you?

Do you remember all of the times she went out selling Girl Scout cookies with you? I don't imagine that you remember all of the times she went out and delivered them either? I know that you must remember the incredibly odd, laborious, and ineffective and inefficient system she devised for organizing OUR delivery!! She wouldn't deliver them with us, but needed to tell us how to do it.

It didn't work, and we had to return to reorganize everything. She was white hot about that.....blaming you and me equally for our inability to figure out whatever defective thinking had led her devise such a scheme. Her willingness to help you went no further than delivering a few boxes to her colleagues at Hawthorn Elementary School.

I came to California to rebuild myself, and to wait until her tyranny over you ended. In my heart, I was dying as she controlled and manipulated you, and our precious time together. Other than to inflict more pain and cruelty on you, she had no reason for not telling you weeks in advance of my announced plan to move to California.

Her insistence on sitting at the table with us on the few occasions we were able to meet, and her need to stay in the room with you and make you use a speakerphone on each of the few times you were permitted to call me were among many things which convinced me that I had to get away from her evil.

She wouldn't allow you to tell me anything about your life, but she tried to monopolize the precious few minutes you and I had by asking me personal questions about my life.....after stating to counselors and lawyers that she wanted NOTHING to do with me ever again....to the point of not even wanting to accept money from me. She had a NEED to know whether she had managed to destroy me, and when I repeatedly asked her why she was interested in the details of my life, she said that she thought that you might want to know. Each time she did that, I told her that you were welcome to ask me ANY question...........privately.

She is remarried now, and I apologize to you for having to have that new person thrown into your life. For the time being, she is getting what she wants, which is frequent, free travel to trendy places. In her mind, she is now a real "Lake Forest rich kid" (despite living in the predominantly blue collar, working class neighborhood of Mundelein. She used to ridicule her mother and Jackie because they had "Lake Forest disease". That's a condition in which working class people suffer when they realize that they are not born into "old money", and are not otherwise rich. They assume the affectations of the Lake Forest people they envy.

The new person she married is an interesting study all by himself. Again, I apologize to you for having had to tolerate him and his ways. Maybe they deserve each other, but I don't believe that anyone "deserves" her cruelties in all of their hidden forms. Since he was complicit in my own undoing, I expect that she will use someone new and try to make his undoing nearly as awful for him when his time comes.

She could have explained her feelings to me, we would have had discussions, probably arguments, and then a divorce, settled fairly, and you and I could have had as normal a relationship as father-daughter as divorce allows. Instead, she had a plan as convoluted and weird as her plans for one of our Spring Break trips to the West coast of Florida, and once a plan is set in her head, she will not allow for any deviation, because it will show her and others that she is capable of being wrong.

We always used to fly Midwest Express to Tampa, rent a car, and drive to Siesta Key.

One year, she decided that it was more chic to fly American Airlines to Miami, and then take a noisy little 2 engine puddle-jumper from Miami to Sarasota, then rent a car and drive to our condo. No amount of logic would dissuade her. Jackie told her that coach in a crowded, late American Airlines plane was more fashionable than first class service aboard Midwest Express. Since Jackie had never flown Midwest Express, she had no idea of anything she was talking about.

Jackie is about "cheap" and manipulation. She and her husband and their witless child flew AA in the coach section, paid for the trips with frequent flier miles she earned from making credit card purchases for things her customers paid her cash for, and when they got to Florida, they stayed in the house she conned her parents into buying, and then bought the things to decorate it using her AA credit card. Once again, she earned more AA frequent flier miles, was paid in cash, and had a free place to stay in Florida. She also never had to rent a car because she would use her parents' car.

Your mother wanted to have a "glamourous Jackie" adventure to Florida too..........

Our AA flight was late departing O'Hare, and late arriving in Miami, and late getting a gate. We had to sit in that plane on the ground for a very long time. Instead of a hot lunch served on real china, we picked up a sandwich bag as we boarded the cramped plane at O'Hare. Our AA plane was late arriving at the gate at O'Hare and late boarding, and late taking off. We had to wait at the airport in Miami for 3 hours for our connecting flight. That flight was also late arriving, late departing, noisy, and crowded. Your mother carried a white Nautica pullover of mine onto the flight since I carried everything else. When the flight landed in Sarasota, she forgot it, but blamed me for being careless.

I observed to her that I still had ALL of the things I had carried......hers, yours, and mine. Somehow.....the loss of that very nice article of clothing was still assigned to me.

A trip which usually took about 6 - 7 hours from start to finish ended up taking an entire day.....about 10 - 12 hours, and we got a beater rental car from the very few which were available at Sarasota. I wonder if you still remember that?

I had to cancel our Midwest Express reservations and car reservations so that your mother could fly the same airline as her friend Jackie did, and that would allow her to feel equal to Jackie. We gave up first class seating on a non-stop flight for a bag lunch in a cramped coach cabin.

When Jackie went to Florida, flew directly into the Ft. Lauderdale airport and was met there by her parents. The fact that we were going to the OTHER side of Florida and that a connecting flight would add HOURS to our "adventure" was lost on your mother. She was determined to fly AA and land on the East side of Florida. The AA tickets cost more than Midwest Express.

I really started this to tell you that I love you, miss you, and will be forever sad that I was prevented from contributing to your life. You are ALWAYS welcome to live with us in La Jolla.

(ps....Morgan is graduating from college in a couple months..........she lived with her very wealthy father and his for about 6 months after he and Laura divorced. That was about all that she could stand.....she flew back to California, lived with her mother, went to college, got a job, and now is ready to graduate..........it CAN be done!!)

I love you Amy

Bub